Caution:these movies were bad, don’t ask why?
''10 worst and best ka season aaya toh mein bhi ek review laaya'' :P
Happy New year,
Here’s my first review for 2006.
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Hey people your friendly neighbor today is depressed and saddened for the sheer fact that he watched all the movies that will feature in this write up. Spidey is sitting up on top of a multiplex and watching other people eager to watch the shown up movies in them. The eventual thought in the Spidey’s mind is what the psyche of a cinegoer is? Perturbed the spidey swings his mind on few people he sees down waiting to view something inside. So he sees them one by one…
First look on a Taxi driver
“I want the heroine to bend…heroine nahi jhuki to paisa vasool nahi”
Uff…the spidey is speechless, another look and he sees a couple.
The boy says ”I hope the theatre is empty, coz I am in real mood today”. Spidey’s left eye is up and now tries to focus on the other person…the gal has long hair :)...Oops a gal with a moustache and beard, it’s a guy to cut it short :(.
Another one on few kids
“Mummy mummy hum ice cream nahi khayenge hum burger khayenge aur interval mein bhi khayenge aur khaate hi rahenge ...he heh hehe”
Well seems like I won’t get value added considering their thoughts so Spiderman takes this crises all by himself. Ok let’s spin the web around them and toss these movies to somewhere where they appear nowhere so beware (That was added to rhyme :D).
Before we begin I see a few movies widening their eyes on me and trying to force me for their inclusion in the list. “Nope” w-a-c-k-s the movie called Karam.and throws it out of site, “Go get some more crap in the script”.
Upsides down swinging kick to the movie. Padma and Laloo and whatever. No Laloo in Bihar hence no Laloo in my list :D. Picks up the movies like Jo Bole So Nihaal, Barsaat and James and throws them back at their directors with aim of their head, hope it hits.
Ok get down to the list at the Spidey count of three.
T-H-R-E-E
Aashiq Banaya Aapne
Emraan is kissing and Tanushree is being kissed, the other guy is weeping. Himesh is Uuuuuuuing and the movie is mading err made. As for Emraan, the spidey kisses better and even upside down if remember my first movie.
Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuu
Kya $hit banayaaaa
$hit banayaaa aapne.
Dosti
Some movies are guided to satisfy inner innuendos especially related to sexuality. Dosti is Gay. Bobby cries and crawls like a 80s heroine on Akki’s shoulder and says ”Jo mera hai who tera hai”. So expect this motto to be vice versa and let loose your imagination. For e.g. Bobby’s underwear is Akki’s underwear. Bobby ka kuch is Akshay’s sub kuch. Hmm…It took me the whole movie to know that it was subdued gay movie. For next time try Gayti.
Bewafaa
One goes another Darshan comes. Bewafaa was a celluloid sleeping pill. It was an attempt to prove that no matter what happens the story never moves ahead. The spidey yawned and went outside in the meanwhile to save the world from few crises. He brought down a cat from the tree and helped few children crossing the road. Thank you Mr. Darshan.
Shaadi No.1
It was David Dhawan misdirected and terribly hammed by the cricket team of actors. Crowded mess is right way to put it with various double meaning dialogues thrown in to evoke some laugh. Shaadi No.1 can be called as a Barbaadi no.1 for sure. Spidey takes a hockey stick and smashes this movie into pieces.
Ab Bus
A lunatic movie. Imagine Jai Mata Di chants going as a background score when a kissing scene is going on. Diana Hayden looks absolutely gorgeous oh let me rephrase Diana looks Dayan and Shavaar Ali hehe the Jhoppad patti comes alive onscreen. After watching the movie I felt Ab Bus.
Mr ya Miss
Mr. RGV you Missed it as a producer and Ms. Antara my suggestion is to spend the money you spent in this movie to have a sex change operation. I mean why a movie with your bigger then a chimpanzee teeth and horribly horrible hair style. Lucy has a better hair do then you, Lucy who? The b*tch.
Bachke Rehna Re Baba
Human tendency! Do something that you aren’t told to. BKRRB was an apt example of this. Mallika kissing everything, Rekha, Paresh Rawal and few others wasted. Movie isn’t good enough to be ‘X’ rated.
Kisna
The movie was Subhash Ghai’s dream project they say. Must be his nightmare the way it came out. It served better to deliver deliriums to the audience. Vivek Abrulaaye or Viveieek Aarghaanand Abrulaaye no matter how many ‘e’ and ‘I’ you add to your name it isn’t helping. The movie was a visual special intergalactic effort as it also starred an alien in the name of ‘Vivek Mushraan’. Vivek Oberoi took some tips from this and changed his name.
The spidey is in a wrestling ring coz a superhero believes in justice and to be adjudged the No.1 of the crappies you got to fight it out. In the ring we have Uday Chopra and Tanisha (Neil n Nikky) and against them we have a Team of new bees Payal Rohatgi and few blokes (Fun) like umm ok leave them naam mein kya rakha hai?.
Tong <<round 1>>
Tanisha and Payal are in a cat fight. Rules are simple, undress your opponent to their ahem ahems and win. Err…the game stops coz both the opponents are already in their ahem ahems.
Tong <<round 2>>
Umm ok…let the guys come in. The rules are simple, every guy will ape their favorite ape. Err…The ape community sent me a notice about harmful effects on them due to people like Uday Chopra and Siddharth Koirala (Manisha’s bro).
Tong <<round 3>>
You kiss the miss(read Ms.). The rules are simple you will smooch till you run your partners out of breath. Spidey thinks (this will give results). 10 hours and counting, no results.
We have joint winners.
Fun- Can be dangerous sometime
It was an awesome family movie. In fact it was so cinematically entertaining, exuberating, exhilarating,, elaborating and emotionally engaging movie that it made me write a review. Please reverse what you read in this paragraph.
Neil N Nikky
Some movies are made to kill. This was Yuck meets Yucky. What did the gal say? Nikky Bakshi, sweet and s*xy. Oh oh. It was Bikini Bakshi yuck and twisted meeting Neil.
What did he say? I am the man, rock star. My foot, lipstick on a giant pumpkin like face and a hairdo like Radheshyaam.
Radheshyaam who? Galli ka kutta
A sleeper crap movie like CU@9 also was witnessed by spidey; he decided not to trouble you. Spiderman has saved the world from watching these movies. I am mad watching them. Despite being a cool super hero I sometimes feel who am I watching movies like these? Who am I?
I am SPIDERMAN.
Cticize’s Quote:: “Well you know the reasons they were bad, all I did was reminded you of them.”
PS:: The movies are a benchmark to Crapism. Any followers can surely stick to it :P
© Cticize 01, 2006
