Before you venture to see Ssshhh (I hope I got the spelling right), please do quickly refer to this concise glossary of terms which will be an aide in comprehending all of Tanisha’s handful of lines:-
1) Naheeeeeeeeeeeeee i.e No
2) Mummmmmmeeeeeeeeeeeee i.e. Mummy
3) Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeasse i.e Please
4) Heeeeeeeeeeeeeelpppppp i.e Help
5) Kaaaaaaamatt unkaaaaalllllllll i.e Kamat Uncle
She takes the word ‘Scream’ rather seriously and so does director Pavan Kaul. While she screams out every dialogue, squeals out every word, even where she isn’t required to, director saab faithfully replicates most of the scenes from ‘Scream’.
The nicest thing that can be said about Ssshhh is that it’s the best among the three Indian slasher flick made this far (counting Kucch Toh Hai & Dhund The Fog).
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Who said slasher flicks don’t have a story?
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~~ There is a girl, Tanisha. Then there is a Killer. Killer wants to kill girl. Simple, easy linear and effective story, isn’t it? Of course the reasons why Killer wants to kill girl will be revealed only in the end, so please be patient for three hours.
~~ Tanisha lives in a big house, cluttered with furniture and knick-knacks. Each individual item breaks into smithereens when the Killer makes home visits.
(Bachaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaoo)
This gives the sound recordist ample opportunity to recreate sounds of shutting windows, banging doors, swishing curtains, breaking crockery, rotating fans, shattering glasses, groaning tables, bursting bulbs,… you get the gist I guess.
~~ As a prelude, Killer visits squash courts in some club and bumps off Tanisha’s pretty sister (Simone Singh) and her boyfriend.
(Diiidiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii)
~~ Killer finishes off Tanisha’s teacher
(Naheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee)
~~ Two heroes, one with mysterious shoe sizes (Dino Morea) and the other hanging on to his father’s letters (Karan Nath) giving each other full thashann and major hool in college, and for the rest of the movie.
(Guyssss Pleeeeeeeeeessee)
~~ Cops glare and glower in silent rage (Shivaji Satam, Aly Khan)
~~ Add in some college sidekicks with different quirks of their own. A guy attempting comedy (Gaurav Kapoor), a horny looking babe (Suvarna Jha, hmm) so overprotective about Tanisha that you begin to get vague doubts (hmm hmm), and a couple (unknown people) who cant keep their paws off each other.
~~ Occasionally, Tanisha misses daddy
(Daddeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee)
~~ Killer helps her mom (Maya Alagh, who is alag from the girls’ daddy) with a painting she can’t get right
(Mummmyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy)
~~ Don’t ask why, but suddenly its time to go to Thailand for a picnic and do the Bhangra (!!) to ‘Kabhi toh lag seenay’ (great number by Sukhvinder)
~~ Reach a desolate island (How convenient, more murders) where the horny babe clears the vague doubts created by her intimacy with Tanisha by trying to rape Dino, the necking couple discover a hand under the sand. One by one more friends die.
( Tu mujhe maarna chahta hai na? Kiiiiiiiiillllll meeeeeeeeeeeeee)
~~ Cops search for missing heroine in streets of Bangkok asking around, “yoo seeen theees Eeendian gurl?” till they reach the island. Murders galore!
(Kaaaaaaaaaammat Unkaaallllllll)
Long before all this you will already start siding with the killer and sincerely hope he/she/it/whoever/whenever/wherever kills Tanisha at the earliest, once and for all, and put an end to her squeals, shrieks, and screams.
~~ Killer revealed. Now go home.
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Intermittently, various members of the cast try to look sinister, weirdly stare into the camera and say their lines in a slow staccato manner, to plant seeds of suspicion in your mind and doubt them to be the Killer. Annu Malik’s music isn’t worth mentioning.
What spoils Ssshh:
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The Killer’s mask – Looks like the resident joker from Gemini Circus. At least get a decent mask guys.
Slow pace
Tanisha’s debut - if we are lucky enough, this should be her farewell too. Although, I’ve never personally met anyone whose near and dear ones are being exterminated by a serial slasher, nevertheless I’m reasonably sure such a person won’t be this irritating in life. It is a role tailor made for Esha Deol. One actually misses Esha (after all, whatever anyone says, at least Esha is funny).
Gaurav Kapur, who joins the august company of his illustrious predecessors, like Johnny Lever, Vrajesh Hirji, Laxmikant Berde, and whats her name-that ar-ra-ra-ra lady, all alleged comedians who grate on your nerves.
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Worth watching in Ssshhh:-
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Simla and Bangkok (Try to avoid seeing Tanisha, Dino and Karan Nath and watch the locales instead. This approach is helpful to keep your mind diverted and kill time)
Simone Singh (why doesn’t she get bigger parts), present for 6 minutes only. Please be on your seats in time, or you’ll miss this beautiful face and taut body.
The numerous, frequent and evenly spread Stylish Murders but those constitute about 20 minutes only of this movie. Please calculate time spent and its ROI yourself.
All in all, a strictly OK movie, that keeps you guessing who could be the killer.
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