Jul 30, 2006 04:37 PM
7988 Views
Well,this is a review zara hatke. No serious analyses, no technicalities, just plain-talk on those ubiquitous traits (good/bad/ugly) which make our top 2 Metros what they are and, at loggerheads with each other, ever, for the spot of Numero Uno!
I’ve been a resident of Delhi twice, for 2 years each. Mumbai has been my home for 4 years at a trot. So you could say this is a balanced look, though you may not agree for the same rating for the mind-that-rocks-this-idea!
Delhi’s planners had their geography right! They knew the Earth was round. How else do you account for such a ‘Gol’ city – Gol Market, Gol Dak Khana, Gol Chakkars, Gol Guppas (replete with unwashed hands of its makers!) & Gol Maals? Guess the only Gol-s spared are Gol Gumbaz& the Golden Temple.
Mumbai’s planners…ooops…! There were none! So they made it long and narrow and stuffed 3 rail lines along its length, ran more and more trains along them and did nothing more!
So, when Yours Truly met a M-guy & a D-girl, a natural debate ensued, one that the ‘D’ and ‘M’ Companies have perennially been engaged in for ages {Bangaloreans, Hyderabadis & Madrasis (Chennai and beyond) Relax! This one is about the ‘Art of Ribbing’, and we all aint there yet!}.
My guests: - AdiPan, the quintessential Mumbaikar(for whom Aamchi Mumbai is the Global Capital and Ganpati Bappa the National Symbol!) and MegSun, the lady who breathes & lives Dilli.
The poser : Which is Metro No. 1, Mumbai ki Dilli?
Leave your biases behind and YenJoy!
YoursTruly: So, which one?
AdiPan: E Bhai, barobar ka sawaal karna kyaa. Phalthoo ka time nahin hai apne pas.
MegSun: See, see, no patience, na? Maan jao na, Dilli hai No. 1.
YT(warming up): But you’d agree, Delhi girls are fairer and cuter, whereas Mumbai girls ka dimaag hota hai.
AP: Dekha, dikha diya na apna Chalu giri. Apni ladkiyon ke kapde dekhaa hai? Jhakaas!
MS: Exactly! All glittery and Fashion-Street maal. Style yoon hi nahin aa jathaa, bhaiyya!
AP:Hey, we know about Sarojini Nagar ok?
MS (taken aback by this Gyaan): But still, Dilli ki kudi is definitely better and yes…sab loin hote hain Dilli mein!
AP: Loin?
MS: Of cos, Loin, you don’t know…like Tiger!…Brave, Strong…
AP: (Laughing his guts out!) Haan, sab theek hai. Bas Muh Nahin kholnaa chahiye!
YT: Ok, what about Bollywood? Theres no Dollywood, Kyon?
AP:Bhai, haath milaa. Oye, ab kya bolti tu? Aati kyaa Khandala?
MS: Why have 2 places? Its Hindi films after all, na? And who is doing it there? Chopras, Kapoors, Johars…ya?
AP:SRK, AK, Big B, Sallu Bhai – will anyone leave Mumbai for Delly? Kuch bhi bol, ghoom phir ke kaanta sab ka yahin atakta hai!
YT: What about manners, courtesies, gaalis..?
MS:Waah. Rudest cityin the world, ha!
AP: Yes, we don’t hold open doors for others. But tell me, why are there more Chinki-nosed people in Delly than Mumbai?! We don’t say please, thank you etc, cos by then, apna 6.26 local nikal jaayegaa. Gaali, haan, hum thoda bahut de dethe hain, but nothing like Delhiwaale.
They know English well. Bachpan se they start with saying A, BC! But then they lose track and go on to MC, than D, E, F etc!! Kyon jee?
MS:Haan yaar, woh tho hai. Its quite a bad state there. How else can you explain parents naming their kids like Mirza “Gali” b etc?!!
AP:Well for once, I like the sense of humour of a Delhiwaali! Achha, Delhi is verrry safe for women na? What time do you have to reach home?
MS: Bas Yaar, I know. 7 pm and if I am not home, my parents are worried and start seeing the TV Reality shows!
MS: Ah, Adi, so tell me about your Roads! Kuch hai bhee ki nahin?
AP:I agree they are narrow, except the West and Eastern Express Highways. But hai to sahi! Upar se saare Delhiwaale get their Mercs and Skodas and increase the crowd. So, there are big blocks.
YT:What about Driving etiquettes, Road rageetc?
MS & AP (in unison): Arre, horn nahin maara to gaadi kyaa chalaaya?
YT:You know, when I was in Russia, nobody…
AP:Brother, enough! I’ve been seeing, you’ve been bragging for last 2 months about Russia. Kyaa baat hai?YT: Nahin yaar, Road manners…
AP: Yes, yes. But imagine, if all the drivers stopped honking, like in those European cities, wont we feel weird? That’s why horns are put right in the center of the steering, na?
MS: Bombay drivers are mad and rash!
AP: Hey lady, firstly, its Mumbai, ok, not Bombay! Next, we have traffic lights and people know green from red. They also know Amber doesn’t mean “Rush Through”. And our cops are the best, and not just encounter specialists. You have wide roads, but still drive like Schumacher is on your tail, and believe that road lanes are Z-shaped!
MS: Ok, but we have our world class metro!
AP: Who made it?
MS: Siri Dhar ji, na?
AP: Hehe! Not Siri Dhar, but Sreedharan! Where is he from?
MS: I know he made Konkan Railway, duh!
AP: Haan. And where is Konkan Railway?
MS: Maharashtra se Karnataka tak, na? I read Shyam babu’s review on that.
AP: See, starts from Maharashtra na? So it finally took a Mumbaiwallah to bail Delhi out of its traffic mess, na?
YT: Excuse Moi, folks. But Sreedharan is a Mallu & he built the Metro.
AP: Eh bhaai, to yeh batao, ab tak Kerala mein Metro kyon nahin?
YT (caught plumb!): Oh ya, that’s true. Wonder Aam aadmi (aka Paulo) kyaa bolthaa hai ispe!
AP: You know Shyambhai? We have millionaires in Mumbai, who attend Ganpati, go to JooBeach and live like everyone else. Apna Sacheen ko dekho na!
MS: Yes, in Dilli, they rub it in. Your address is your identity and you cant grow out of it.
AP (suddenly senti): Ohhh its ok, Meg! Even Mumbai has its “Grey” areas. We are very tolerant and inactive when it comes to terrorism, infrastructure (non)development etc.
MS: Ya, but at least people are helpful na. Its actually a nice place, this Mumbai, though I’ve never been there.
MegSun: OhhOh. Its 7. I’ve to be home. Bye, guys.
AdiPan, YoursTruly: Bye! Take Care! And call us when you are home.
AdiPan: Sach bole tho…Dilli bhi City achi hai, saala log kya hai na ....
<As the show ends, the debate rages on as before…
“Dilli Ki Mumbai, Kaun No. 1?”
......Bole Tho..
