Sep 28, 2006 03:31 PM
2574 Views
Ok. I have made some very bad decisions concerning my own life and some other "things" in general and movies in particular, but I can say without any hesitation or shame with my head held high that this has by far been the most pathetic and disgusting movie I have ever had to deal (bear) with! When I say that, I am not exaggerating or making anything up but speaking pure, unadulterated truth.
Inspite of this, I am not angry (try the count backwards method, it works). I would in fact like to express my heartfelt condolences to Mr.Vashu Bhagnani for losing a lot of money over this excuse of a movie. After a series of good "No.1"s with Mr.Dhawan and apparently tasting success, looks like Bhagnani saahib got carried away with a "No.1" story idea that Dhawan saahib had apparently thought about when he was doing his "No.2". Stupid, as much as it may sound, but believe me friends, after seeing this movie your No.1, No.2 or any other numbers for that matter will go away just like that. In fact, you will forget all your numbers! The only number you will remember is 3 and its multiples like 6, 30 etc. (I think Dhawan sir is into numerology these days.) Everything in this movie revolves around #3. There are three heroes in this movie. So what? Then there are six heroines. So? Every other movie has half a dozen heroines these days. Watz the big deal? Well the big deal is all these 3 heroes and 6 heroines have acted in every scene in the movie at least once. So what? Every other movie has scenes showing hero/heroines all the time. But this ones a lil different. Well this gem of a movie has the same fukking scene 3, 6 or sometimes 30 times with just a different actor/actress jodi. Bencho! It's a 3 hour movie. The actual length of the script? Go figure. Well 30 mins!
Here is the story in brief(I think that's where it came from, from Dhawan's chaddi). I will try to divide it by 3 as much as possible so that we save some time. But no guarantees. Scene 1. Man#1 and woman#1 are making out. Woman#1 drives man#1 away. Cut to scene 2. Man#2 and Woman#2 are making out. Woman#2 drives man#2 away. Scene 3. The same fukking scene again with a diff hero/heroine. I think Dhawan wants to make a point here. He wants the audience to have fun. He wants us to guess what happens next. In the process, he trains us. It's all about getting used to the rhythm. The first scene if you watch carefully, the next two scenes you can easily figure out. It's like this little puzzle. If you know your tables right (especially 3), you can crack the puzzle quite easily and maybe as well thoroughly enjoy the movie. I am very bad at math, maybe that was the reason I couldn't digest it. Similarly, we have some scenes that have been done like six times. 3 heroes X 2 heroines each = 6. Simbal. It's all about the rhythm. Now you remember me saying 30 somewhere right? See you're already smart! Thank David Sir. You ask me "cmon now dont tell us that a scene has been repeated 30 times." But you know what, that training that David bhai gave you has worked. Yes, yes, yes (guess the 3 thing's caught me too). Here is where the ultimate hero of all times, Mr.Sanjay Dutt comes in. He has no dialogues. Yes, none watsoever. He does not speak sentences. He quotes. Yes, he quotes adages(apparently made up by some loser dialogue writer). This I can say for sure that he has done for more than 30 times. Maybe 120 or maybe 300 (all multiples of 3 though alright. This is wat I call a tight, consistent script). Yes 300, now I remember. He's got a lengthy role guys. I think now I know the reason why Dutt saaheb decided to go back to court and confess. Apparently he watched his own acting in this movie! Yikes.
Rest of the fare lives up to the movie's expectations and does its job at being well below mediocre. I think Fardeen Khan should just quit acting and go to Ooty and take care of his mother-in-law's tea farms. At least, that way he will stop borrowing pocket money from his taklu father and showing up in such roles. Next comes his relative Mr.Zayed Khan. I have a strong feeling that, when Zayed was a kid, someone had called him Shahrukh by mistake and he took it seriously. But nonetheless that childhood trauma has left a permanent mark on his brains and he still thinks of himself as Shahrukh. Zayed you need to understand you're not Shahrukh. You are one of those three losers whose movies nobody watches. The last we heard about Zayed, he was back on medication. I will pray that he gets well soon. Now comes the third loser oops hero. Be-sharman Joshi. I think someone saw Sharman's splendid performance in Ramanand Sagar's classic epic Ramayana. How can we forget his role apparently? After all, he was the third vaanar on the left (in the first row) among the vaanars building the Indo-Ceylon bridge. And kudos to him coz he has given an exact repeat performance. Great job Sharman.
Apart from these small shortcomings, the rest of the movie is quite entertaining. The lyricist has penned some of Hindi cinema's most amazing lyrics ever. "TV Chalein Remote se. Biwi Chalein Hain Note Se." is just one of the great many songs that this movie offers. The other song that catches one's attention is "Hello Madam. I am your Adam." Very deep and sentimental. Mr.Dutt sings this song in display of his uninhibited brotherhood towards his three little sisters. I can imagine all girls in the movie theater going "Bhaiyya. You're Cho Chweet. We love you (my Adam)".
To sum it up, I feel this movie has it's own positives and in fact, is quite watchable. I'd actually recommend that you buy a DVD. It'd always come in handy in so many situations, like: When you're feeling suicidal and you've run out of all options (in fact this is the highlight of this movie) or say you have a split personality and you're trying to tune out the 'good' guy in your brain but haven't had success yet or you're thinking of seeking revenge over your ex-girlfriend but at the same time, don't want it to get too messy. Great buy for all these occasions and many more.
I have mailed a special package to Mr.Dhawan. Just a small gesture of appreciation from me. A 200 year old corroded rusty nail that he can shove up his dik so that he or his 'coming soon' generations don't come up with any "No.1"s in the near or far future. Fukking Son of a b1tch
