#Controversial Cat#. Review on Rakhi Sawant

This time around, I am giving my review a different sort of a "feel" as Sawant is most definitely a different sort of "movie personality". First of all, let me thank mouthshut for including this topic for which I had requested through mouthpad. Well, here goes my review/ interview on/with the one and only Rakhi Sawant.

The setting: My very own talk show, Vodka With Varun. Witten, produced and directed by the teenaged wonder Varun. Guests are served with vodka to make their inhibitions and secrets fly out the window. Ofcourse, at the end of the show, the guests sign on the Vodka glass , which shall be placed on the Vodka Wall. My very first guest on this show is Indian undress, uh, sorry actress, Rakhi Sawant.

Varun: Rakhi has come a long way from being a nobody to being a somebody. With dedication, perseaverance and planned wardrobe malfunctions, she has become a hot topic of discussion in our country today. So here I welcome, Miss Rakhi Sawant.

Rakhi walks in and blows flying kisses, not only to the camera and me, but to the technicians too. She is wearing a low-cut blouse and faded blue jeans.

Rakhi: Hello Varun. Thank you for calling Rakhi Sawnat on your show.

( fact:she actually refers to herself in the third person.)

Varun: Hey, the honour was all mine , sweetheart.

(Varun almost gags on the last word)

Varun: So tell me, Rakhi, how does it feel to be here on my show today? It must give you a feeling of great satisfaction to have made your way and be where you are now.

Rakhi: Oh yes. I am very relaxed now. I have made my way quite easily today, thank you. There was very little traffic due to fear of rains and so I reached in less than ten minutes to your studio.

Varun almost bangs his head against the wall. He rgains his composure and manages to go on with the interview.

Varun: Since you have made it here, let's get on with the interview. Well, controversy has been following you around like a shadow. What do you ha-

Rakhi interrupts

Rakhi: Rakhi wishes that she could get rid of the controversies like her clothes. That would be sooooo easy, wouldn't it? But, without controversies, no one will notice me and I will be without work (sighs).

Varun: Ohh, don't say that senorita (Varun's eyes go bloodshot because of last word). You are beautiful (and I am Tom Cruise) and beauty never goes unnoticed, does it?

Rakhi: Hmm...., you have a point. I have struggled a lot in my career and have now reached a point where I can pick and choose what I want to do. I don't want to be associated with mediociuytry- mediocriuuhty- arre, woh word kya hai Varun.

Varun: Mediocrity?

Rakhi: Yes. I want to do good work and no sadak chaap kind of things. I have done enough of those (smiles). From now on, I want to do quality work and be remebered alongside greats like Rekha, Jaya BAchchan and Kajol.

Not only Varun, but the entire set almost bursts into laughter at the last comment. Varun once again composes himself and surpresses an ever-growing anguish.

Varun: What sort of quality work do you want to do? To which directors have you spoken to and which projects are in the pipeline?

Rakhi: Hmmm... I want to do more item numbers as they give me the oppurtunity of not only showing what a good dancer I am, but I can also flaunt my hot, hot body. Although the Indian Censor Board does not agree with my ambitions, I am sure this little glitch will be away and I shall be back on the right track. My secretary, Abhishek Awasthi, is speaking to Mika, who is about to direct his first movie.

Varun: Mika? Former F1 world champion Mika Hakkinnen?

Rakhi: Uffffff.....No, not the car driver (what? Mika a "car" driver!!), I emnat Daler Mehendi's brother.

Varun:Isn't he the guy who tried to kiss you forcibly at his birthday party? Are you sure you want to go through with this project?

Rakhi: Er... yes. I have cleared the bone of contention with Mika and we have buried the- arre yaar, ehat do you call that?

Varun: Hatchet?

Rakhi: Yes. Hatchet. As it turns out, he was taking an impromptu screen test of mine to see how aesthetically I can kiss. As the movie is going to be modern and way ahead of its times, he wanted a forward-looking and contemporary actress for the role. I am yet to sign on the dotted line though....

Varun reels over in shock and a commercial break is declared. Rakhi sips her vodka while Varun is revived with Gatorade.

Varun: Welcome back folks. We have with us the very modern, the very kissable, oops sorry, what am I saying? Well, we have Rakhi Sawant with us tod-.

Rakhi: Enough of that. Who is the star of this show? Me or you? Me, right. So let me do the talking. I was born and brought up in a middle class background but grew up in a hostel. I was a very naughty (was?) gal and loved to participate in every dance program I could. I have had to struggle a lot and my advice to youngsters is: If you want to be successful like rakhi Sawant or Aishwariya Rai, you have to struggle. Today, Ash and me have worked hard and look where we are. We have made it big time and are successful.(All this is true She said this on National Television. Yep, she compared herself with Ash.)

Varun: Hmm....So Rakhi what did you do bring in the New Year on the 31st of December?

Rakhi: You don't know?! It's all over the internet. I had gone to Goa with some drunk old people to let them enjoy the feel of "youthfulness" (she said this, it's true). I wanted to promote my new album, budha mil gaya, and so partied with old flirtatious people in Goa so that they remember me forever. That's what I call hitting two birds with one- er- pathar.

Varun: Its two birds with one stone, Rakhi. No matter, though. Half our country is sort of illiterate and clothless. While nothing can be done about the illiteracy, you have atleast made clothless people feel fashionable.....

Rakhi: Yes. That's true. I wonder whether the government will honour or reward me for this.......

Varun: We will see about that. Rakhi, it was a pleasure having you (was it?) on my show today. Best of luck for your future plans and projects. Take care.

Rakhi: Goodbye. I would like to thank all my fans for being supportive amidst all my publicity stunts. Bye viewers.

PS- Wherever I have said that Rakhi Sawant's sayings are true, they are true. Thanks for reading.