No Emotion Only Justice . Review on Raja Bhaiya

I have always wondered why people confess at church.

I have always wondered if amnesia could be cured.

I have always wondered wot are the limits to which people will go for money.

I have wondered at a million other things but these three Qs, eclectic as they maybe, were all answered for me last Wednesday thanks to a wonderful movie called RAJA BHAIYA :-) For me, watching a Govinda movie has always been like playing cards - U never know what hand you are gonna be dealt. So expecting sthg whackily different, I decided to chk this flick out and my my.. How did I feel..Read on..

The cards of the game:

-------------------------------

King of Hearts

Govinda as Raja Bhaiya is a happy-go-lucky villager in some part of Bihar. Professionally we are led to believe that he is a money lender (He gets conned into lending money by all and sundry) though I would classify him as ''wastrel'' under occupation. As far as marital status goes, he starts off as the truest Hanuman Bhakth ever born, morphs into a reluctant husband evolving finally into a ''Patni is Bhagwan'' avatar.

Queen of Spades:

Pratibha is a rich heiress, orphaned in her childhood, staying with her uncles. She's dumb, mad, stupid... (chk out Thesaurus for the rest) Arti is inane, juvenile, ridiculous.. So wots the difference between both ? Nothing, u sillies coz they are both the same person.. Pratibha and Arti are played by Aarti Chabria - Hold on, u'll understand soon - lets have some suspense if u can call it so.. sheeeeeeesh !!

The Purrfekt 10s (of Hearts and Diamonds)

Two lissome belles, MAYA n CHAYA (I am NOT kidding) living in Raja Bhaiya's village whose only aim in life is to have a go at his virginity - These two heavily pouting, accented English speaking, blood sucking, nerve wrecking, gut wrenching, stupid siblings make Kareena's 3 pals in MPKDH as holy as nuns.

The Jokers:

Arti's two uncles are played by Ajit Vachani and Anang Desai - They are out to get their niece's money and all they ever do is plot unsuccessfully to get their saala chamchas (i am not swearin'- meant wives brothers) married to Arti so that they can usurp all her wealth.

The two chamchas are as ''different'' as u get - Chamcha 1 is effeminate and has hiccups perenially. Chamcha 2 thinks he is macho when he calls himself Su for Sudeep (U can guess how Chamcha 1 calls Chacha 2 - Cmon guess yaar - yaaaaaaaaa - SUSU) I am sorry I didn’t bother to find out the names of these actors who've given themselves a great chance to win an Oscar for the most asinine performances by anybody living or dead in the history of cinema.

The 1s and 2s of spades

Sadashiv Amrapurkar is a perenially fibbing villager who manages to con Raja Bhaiya out of all his money every time. He has a brother-in-law whose only contribution to the movie are his cheeks - he gets slapped by every Amar,Akbar and Antony ! And if this weren’t enough, there’s Anwar bhai, Raja Bhaiya's sidekick cum bosom buddy whose ''ideas'' are outlandish and genuinely funny - he he he !!

Wah wah wah !! Brilliant, madcap characters that had to be the creation of some dimwitted nincompoop.

The game

-----------------

On her 21st Bday, Pratibha who is to inherit all her money acc: to her father's vaseeyat meets with an accident. The uncles think she's dead and are savoring the idea of enjoying all the fortune by themselves when the smartass lawyer (haha) tells them the Govt will confiscate the property unless they prove her dead or bring her alive. So the uncles and the chamchas set out to find her. Pratibha miraculously survives the accident but in the process loses her memory and sanity (around the time I lost mine too). She somehow resurfaces in Raja Bhaiya's village (duh), is rechristened as Arti and offered shelter by Raja Bhaiya's mother much against his wishes. Raja Bhaiya tries all the tricks in the book to get rid of her but fails.

Circumstances then force Raja to marry Arti but soon he falls for her innocence and starts loving her. Suddenly all hell breaks loose when the uncles find out she’s alive in this village and come over and abduct her. Raja, with the blessings of all his villagers, goes to big mean Mumbai and traces Arti's whereabouts. He goes about punishing all the evil doers one by one...And then bangggggggggg...Arti regains her lost memory..Booooooooooooooom !! Does she recognize Raja Bhaiya ?

The verdict

------------------

To know how this rip roaring comedy/ emotional tearjerker/ spine tingling thriller ended and also the significance of my revu's title,

1.pay up Rs 70 and watch it in the theatres (or)

3.send in ur humble contribution of Rs 5 towards my mental restitution (ICICI acct no 000101019899) - I'll let u know the ending as soon as I am 'normal' again.

The choice is urs !

The post mortem

--------------------------

You never sit in a Govinda flick and hope to give it critical acclaim - You always leave ur brains behind along with ur vehicle parked safely and hope to have a good laff. But sadly, Raja Bhaiya fails even here. The gags are old, the story non-existent, the screenplay horrendous, the direction pedestrian - all thanks to Raman Kumar, the music by Nadeem Shravan is lacklustre, the performances average - Of the lot, Aarti Chabria looks good and that’s the best I can say, Govinda is sincere but still cannot elevate proceedings to tolerable levels. Whither art thou, my Virar ka Chokra, my Hero No: 1 ? The rest - well - the less said the better.

Now answering those Qs up above, I’d forced a travel weary ''just returned from the US'' friend of mine to watch this sic(k) flick with me. Throughout, I had to endure her comments ranging from ''You've lost ur marbles or wot? U like THIS hero?'' ''You got these 2 tickets free with the pop corn?? '' ''Can u pls ask them to run this film mute.. Lemme atleast sleep yaar'' When we left the hall, she told me the only way I could seek redemption for this sin was to confess - N believe me when I was done with it, I felt a big burden off my chest. I cant imagine why Govinda ever signed such a stupid flick unless he was really hard pressed for money and yes, just try a nice tight slap next time someone claims to suffer from amnesia :-)) So much for science and its advancements.

Hasta manana till the next Govinda flick comes..Eaaaaaaaaaghhhhhhhhh!!