Kalti Classics #3- Prem Agony. Review on Prem Aggan

Continuing the Kalti classics series, with another flick I watched during one of my late nights on TV.  Feroz Khan did make some decent movies like Apradh, Qurbani, Jaanbaaz as a director. Yeah they were not classics, but pretty cool entertainers, fast cars, cool and sexy females, foreign locales though his  later movies like Dayavan( a trashy remake of Nayagan)  andYalgaar were real clunkers.  But nothing can even remotely come close to Prem Aggan or Prem Agony, a total Kalti classic from the word go.

Like any other dad, Feroze wanted to give his beta Fardeen Khan a dream debut. So he went and choose the standard Hindi movie plot,Boy meets Girl, Girl is Rich, Boy is Poor, Girl and Boy fall in love, Girl's Rich Papa naturally does not like it. Well nothing wrong with that, after all Rakesh Roshan did make a decent Kaho Na Pyaar Hai, with beta Hrithik using the same plot.

Well what goes wrong is that in his enthusiasm to promote beta Fardeen, papa Feroze forgets everything else. And so we have Suraj( Fardeen Khan), whose dad Raj Babbar is an Army Captain called  Veer Bahadur Singh and his mama  Smita Jaykar is wheel chair bound. Mama mopes,  that main aap per bhoj hoon, Papa says no probs, "Tumne mujhe Suraj jaise beta diya", and so the Chota Parivar, Sukhi Parivar stays in a kinda log cabin, in the middle of a forest,   with waterfalls around.

The heroine Sapna( Meghna Kothari), is the daughter of a rich software tycoon, JK( Anupam Kher), somehow I wonder why all the rich people in Bollywood are either a JK or some Singhania or Singhal.  Anyway our desi software tycoon, would make Bill Gates get a massive inferiority complex, as he moves around in a helicopter, his ears perpetually glued to a mobile phone, his lips always in a scowl. Also what kinda software he deals with, one is not clear, as he is never shown with a computer at all. But far  from looking like the daughter of a tycoon, she looks like a female acrobat who has just escaped from Gemini Circus, and wandered on to the movie sets by mistake. And if that and her squeaky voice, does not get you, its her character itself that makes you tear your hair out.

So half of the time she narrates to the hero, in a sing song poetic voice, about pyaar, ishq and mohabbat, and some fundas about Shirin-Farhad, Heer-Ranjha. One fine day, both of them, go to a place where there are big waterfalls and cliffs. But the heroine, says, no I dont want to sing songs about "Jheel" and "Parbat", that is too passe. It seems she had a childhood wish to jump off from a cliff, and see how death would be at first hand. Well if it was some kinda bungee jumping, I could understand, but no she actually wants to jump from a cliff along with her lover. Geez, I did hear of rich bimbettes, but this girl makes  Paris Hilton looks like a genius. The hero understandably thinks that the girl, must have run away from some asylum, and the sensible thing would have been to turn her in.  But the girl persists with her equally crazy dream, and so our hero agrees to actually jump off the cliff with her into a waterfall. Well I did hear that love is blind, but did not know that love could make some one lose their mental senses too.Anyway because he is the hero, because she is the heroine, because the movie is titledPrem Aggan, both of them, survive, rise from the pool as if they were doing some kinda soap ad, and then launch into a dance, which resembles a series of eppileptic fits.

While it was  confirmed, that Sapna  is Ms. Loony Bin , it is crystal clear that now Suraj is equally loony too. And so the two loony lovers, unleash their Prem Insanity on the audiences, with their bhaashans on pyaar, ishq and mohabbat, and doing all kinds of strange dances, which seem like a cross between a Kamasutra pose and a Nag dance, while indulging in some family friendly smooching. Papa JK Gates is predictably not pleased with his beti, smooching around with a fauji's son, and so he asks his son, to keep a watch on his behena. Suraj's fauji Dad, however is happy to have a rich girl as his Bahu, who would not be. And he also gifts Suraj with a 1000 CC bike, because this is a Feroze Khan movie, and you need to have the hero driving snazzy bikes. Anyway, one fine day, Papa JK Gates, finds his loony bin daughter, indulging in some heavy duty smooching on bed, with Suraj. Papa Gates is predictably furious, and he asks his henchmen to take care of Suraj, while he drags his daughter away.

Ms. Loony Bin however goes into a round of heavy duty sobbing, threatening to give up her Jaan, if something happens to Suraj. Papa Gates, relents, and agrees to spare Suraj's life, provided she marries his business partner's son. Actually Papa Gates, was being kind to Suraj, motivating him to find a more sensible girl, than his loony bin daughter. In the meanwhile there is a round of verbal ding dong between Suraj's  Fauji Dad, and  Papa Gates, where together both of them generate enough Ham to feed the entire population of Australia for a year. Anyway Papa Gates  finding that ham is a more profitable business than software, and  Switzerland having become common, decides to move to Australia, where his business partner lives. Ms. Loony Bin also moves in but says Kutti to her dad,  while **her  Mom is now like Manmohan Singh caught between Sonia Gandhi and the Left parties.

Now because this is a Hindi movie, the biziness partner is a very nasty guy, and because the biziness partner is a nasty guy, his son is also a nasty guy. But we are made to believe that the son is some kinda stud, as he falls down from a horse, and he has some gori Aussie babes, running to him, calling him "Rajesh, Rajesh".  I guess this gori babes must have been paid handsomely by Feroze Khan, coz that guy otherwise looks like a total sadak chaap, whom none would even give a second glance. As they say some people have all the luck. Anyway our dear Ms. Loony Bin starts to drown her Gham in Sharaab, oh its ok, you see she is in Australia.  Papa Gates scowls even more, Mama Gates tries to pacify him, but is as succesful as Shivraj Patil in the Home Ministry.

Now because Suraj is a Hindustani, he does not drink, but he sits and mopes around all day, and his Dad advises him to stop moping and get going. He asks his son to sell his bike, and go to Australia, telling him that even Shahjahan would have sold the Taj Mahal had Mumtaz been alive. I guess he had to do this, as it is he had to put up with his wife moping around, and bechara how could he put up with both wife and son moping around.  So off goes Suraj to Down Under, before you can say "Ricky Ponting"and he stays around with a friend. He meets Ms. Loony Bin, and finds she is engaged already. Papa Gates scowls get even  bigger now, and his hamming touches hysterical levels.