The DUKAAAAR! Monologues-- Part III. Review on Pepsi

“Don’t be thick, you’ll suck at it!” Tina was saying triumphantly emerging out of her fifty-second fit of giggling. “Dearie, you’d always think that because you’ll never have any idea it was happening.” “Oh yeah?” “Damn yeah.” “Bet?” She extended her hand forward. I felt like I’d slammed face first into a road roller. “Bet!” I slapped her hand sharply. She laughed out once more. I was thoroughly put off. Let me explain. We had been bickering about whether I’d ever be able to two-time her. She maintained I’d be terrible at it. So now, it was up to me to prove to her that I can two-time her and still go undiscovered. By God, what all will I have to do for her? Imagine it—she is herself asking me to cheat on her! I’d never ask her to do such a thing! “You are intellectually incapable of winning this bet, dear boy,” she said as we walked out of the park. I was so mad at her when she said I’m not “capable” of charming another girl. What does she mean by that? Both of us know how faithful I am with her—but what does she mean ‘I can’t charm anyone’? I’ll show her…! She picked a target for me as well—her only competitor in school examinations, Deepsha. For the God in heaven and for the love below… sheesh! # # # After a relatively simple chemistry test, I caught up with her. With a mental, “Here goes nothing,” I began my work! “Hey, Deep,” I said, smiling broadly, casually. “Hey.” ”What’s on the sched now?” “Nothing,” she said, smiling. It was common knowledge she carried her schedule with her everywhere. I seemed to have struck a personal note on that. Why am I so good? “Er… drink?” I pointed at a snack bar right opposite the school, smiling flirtatiously this time. She laughed out at that and took time to answer. “Sure.” “Yay!” So, in ten minutes, I found myself and her seated opposite each other, with a plate of freedom—ahem!—fries in between us and a can of Pepsi each. Let me tell you about the drink before I tell you the remaining story! # # # Pepsi is another coke drink, just like Coca Cola and Thumbs-Up. As far as taste goes, these drinks are non-distinct. As far as prices go, they’re indistinguishable. So I never really saw the point of people liking Coke over Pepsi or TU over Pepsi or Pepsi over any of the other two (there are six such combinations). All of them have the same taste. I don’t really know if any one of them has a better kick—refers purely to the bubbling gas. But I didn’t quite think even that holds as a criterion. The truth is, the Pepsi can is very pretty to look at, honestly. It’s this cool blue color that really impresses me. I love the color blue, I wear blue or white most of the times, and so that can matches in color with my shirt! Imagine: I’m wearing a sky blue T-shirt, dark blue jeans and a blue can of Pepsi in my hands. Cool huh? Truth be told, I was not a Pepsi-fan until very recently. What brought me to Pepsi was, I have to confess, the advertising campaign of Saif and Khan (the Khan-and-Khan would have sounded better). Ever since the movie Kal Ho Na Ho, I’ve taken to Saif Ali Khan (and eating those Lays chips is contributing unnecessarily to my already “influential” personality). SRK was always my favourite, particularly after a wonderful performance in Main Hoon Na (though, I notice he begins stammering incoherently when he cries, doesn’t he?). Whatever those points be, the Khan & Khan ad campaign compelled me from being the Coker to the Pepsi-er. Get me? However, the real reason that migrated me from Coking to Pepsi-ing was the end of the story! It ended up like this… # # # Our conversation went something like this… “So what’s new?” she asked, tilting her head to one side and smiling, blinking her eyes (long eyelashes) several times more than normal. Girl are four parts human, seven parts flirts… I thought. “Nothing much,” I said shirking, shifting in my seat and flicking my collar without using my hands. “And how’s about Tina?” she said, making that Tina nice and long (terribly irritating). “Oh, Tina!” I said. I knew I was going to stutter and stammer now. “What about her?” “What if she knows?” I didn’t know I was so transparent. “Knows what? That we’re here?” I was feigning mocking laughter. “Yeah… I don’t want her to misunderstand…” My heart crushed like my empty Pepsi can. I’m still opaque… “Misunderstand?” I said peering into her. “Let’s see…” She blushed now. It took me quite a while to get her to blush on everything I said. I don’t know whether it was the consequence of having cared too much about proving myself, but I was beginning to charm the girl. “Gosh, Laxman,” I thought as she went into her fifty-second fit of giggling, “you could be a regular con-artist… now which girl’s dad is a millionaire…?” We had one more can then, this time, the same one can split in two glasses. Next step, I thought, one glass, two straws… However, the truth was… next step—make excuse, run to the loo. Everything worked just fine. Deepsha and I made quite a close conversation that day. We told each other about our pasts—I made it a point to tell her Tina was an inconsequential bum and that compared to Tina, Deepsha was an almost God sent angel (well not in so many words), which I am sure would be a regular two-timer’s ploy—and by the end of one and a half hours, I was quite certain we were “seeing each other”. Jesus, and she’s been in my class for 12 years. We’ve seen each other for all that to “see each other” once for an hour. God we men are funny. As we finally came to the logical conclusion of our first date, so to say, the real moment arrived. She kneeled forward. Astonishingly, she asked me to do that too, with her index finger. Either this girl works on “power mode” or you’re a terrific magnet, Laxman, I thought. I preferred the second though… “Laxman,” she said, in a husky seducing voice, “I had fun today evening.” “Thanks,” I said softly, and slowly. “I’m going to tell Tina—“ I was shocked, but listened further… “—that she just lost her man! You’re so cool!” Continued in the Comments’ section please… I’m sorry for the inconvenience!