Aamir is the cute alien who is robbed of a vital communication device immediately on arrival on earth. A phony godman, who is next sold this shimmering Made-in-China object, shows it off as a gift by Lord Shiva himself.
Aamir searches in vain for his property till he is advised to prostrate at the feet of God himself and seek divine succor. The concept of god being strange to his planet, he nevertheless visits every shrine for help but finds his calls to God get warbled every time by the many trickster godmen in town.
A skinny-legged, pouty journalist, on the rebound from a jilted romance with an unshaven Pakistani, adopts him purely for professional reasons; for the incredible story that he makes.“Must Watch”?
When pals from VIT said, “Must Watch” this lengthy documentary movie, I knew I was in for trouble. Because a “Must Watch” is not the same as, “Loved It, ” or “Entertaining, ” or even “Paisa Vasool!”
“Must Watch, ” sounds more like a stern PM telling you to grab the broom and look busy in the dirty corridors outside your office.
Or like an unlettered HRD Minister issuing a circular to poor kids to get cracking on Xmas Day on a 1000-word piece on “good governance”!
Why does “Must Watch” sound suspiciously vegetarian? I am sure if I crack open the phrase I shall find lurking green leafy shoots of something healthy, sprinkled with vinegar, herbs, and a dash of lemon juice! Why does “Must Watch” sound like the doctor’s advice to shun alcohol and smoking, and step out into the cold for an invigorating walk?
Is it like any ominous Tuesday, when you have that nauseous sign pasted across the bar that says in bold letters: “CLOSED, ” and in small print beneath it, “(Tuesday)”?
Nevertheless, I braced myself for the worst when I parted with 1150 of the brightest and the crispest and walked into the dimly lit hall, armed with soda and popcorn- and the latest version of ‘Candy Crush’- just in case.
If you thought, with ‘PK, ’ Indian cinema had turned a new leaf; with bright, creative, and original ideas, well, you are so mistaken!
Ever heard of a cute, cuddly, lonely alien stranded on a strange planet, till an earthling befriends him, provides him shelter, and helps him return to his home?
Doesn't it remind you of an Oscar winning movie by the name of…’E.T.’? Yes, you got it! ET, PK, PK, ET…get the flow? Double-lettered titles…? So where is the originality here?
The originality, friends, lies in the way we can take an absolutely loveable tale and ruin it with a lengthy narrative on religion, godmen and that strange fetish of Bollywood- Brotherhood with Pakistan!
Aamir Khan goes and pans Hinduism like no one so boldly and openly has.
He makes crass fun of its customs, credos and traditions, and defends Islam and Pakistan and its bomb blasts. Well!
The message of the story is not in the uplifting mood of honest friendship and camaraderie that transcends planets and galaxies, but in the whiningly repetitive sermon from the pulpit to embrace Islam and Pakistan and Pakistanis! “Who says a Muslim will double-cross you, ” Aamir preaches in the end, “ he doesn’t!”
If your idea of fun and entertainment is a 3-hour long narrative on religious dogma, superstition, old-fashioned rites, and the glib tricks of phony godmen, then this movie is it.
If you go to any crockery shop in Gaffar Market you will find any number of Chinese, shiny, spluttering, strobe-lit decorative objects the art.
Well, one of them has found its way into this movie as the sparkly remote that will bring Aamir back to his planet.
Aamir’s torso is perfection personified; yet they don't teach them to run on his planet! For, he must waddle about in a Chaplinesque manner: arms straight and close, ears wobbly, and feet spread out, wearing trademark shabby, dreary, burlesque outfits.
Anoushka, after a lip job, scared me when she kissed Sarfaraz, for her lips, they looked so fake and loosely attached, that it seemed Sarfaraz might end up swallowing them.
Now instead of a thin stern line her upper lip looks like a perfectly drawn “Gandiva, ” that frightening bow, upturned-ends and all, with a 1000 strings that shook the grounds of the mighty heavens when fired.
Her skinny, luminescent, pink legs that merge and fade into the pastel, soft shades of Belgium look yummy enough to eat peanut butter off from.
The movie is funny in some parts, silly in most parts and plain dragging in rest of the parts.
A sore disappointment! A pan-religious sermon that I couldn't care less for. An advice to befriend Pakistan that is wistful, wistful, and totally misplaced! I go to a movie to be entertained wholesomely, not to have my faith ridiculed and poked.
I can judge my beliefs, customs, and rites for myself- I do not wish you to tell me- Mr. Aamir Khan! Do not mistake my tolerance, openness, and generous hospitality for a weakness that will entertain barbs and criticism without a murmur.
There is a stink here!
If this is your Oscar bait- Aamir- well, no one is biting!
