The Pasha of Patiala!!!. Review on Navjot Singh Sidhu

This interview between Navjot Singh Sidhu and Harsha Bhogle was recorded fifteen days ago. But the Pasha of Patiala had an extra peg of scotch and exceeded his brief, so it had to be shelved. https://cricket.tehalka.com managed to get hold of a copy of it, the transcripts of which were available for a few days, during which I managed to download them.

HB: Sherry, let us start from the beginning. Tell us about your early life.

NS: I was born in patiala on 29th October in 1969. My earliest memories are of my father telling me ''Son, never be a Zerox''. So I always believe in being original. I speak English like a native, a native Indian villager. My father was a lawyer by profession, who used to gobble his rivals like sausages with his smart phrases. I used to watch him at court cross-examine witnesses and learnt the fine art of commentary from him. All I do, is translate those phrases and proverbs from Hindi to English

HB: You made your debut in 1983 against the Windies, but made it big-time only four years later..

NS: My big break came in 1987 world cup, when I bamboozled and mesmerized all opposition, scoring four half-centuries in five innings.

HB: Just when you were all set for bigger things, you got involved in a police case.

NS: Yes, it was the most unfortunate incident of my life. Punjab police booked me and my close friend for culpable homicide. I was accused of killing one Gurmit Singh. I am telling you I was innocent, as innocent as a freshly laid egg.

HB: But you did beat up that guy…

NS: But then I am a Sikh, a born fighter, someone who will fight with a rattlesnake and give him the first two bites. Believe me, that guy was asking for it. How can you kill anyone who is hell-bent on commiting suicide?

HB: Do you regret that incident?

NS: Oh, yes Harsha I do, If only on that fateful day I had been able to check my emotions, which flew like the fare in Indian Taxi - but ifs and buts were pots and pans, there would be no tinkers

After that my cricket career went in downward spiral. I became like kumbhakarna - six months in the team, then for another six months resting behind bars. My fortunes were swinging like a rubber ball in a tidal wave. Earlier I was travelling on a German autobahn, but now I was on an Indian road. For about five years I was in and out of the Indian cricket team, and my performance became as erratic as electricity supply in most Indian cities

HB: After Sunny's retirement, you had several opening partners. Tell us about your experiences with them.

NS: Yes, there were several. There was Srikanth, completely unorthodox. The gap between his bat and pad used to be so much that I would have driven a car through it...and our fellow commentator Ravi, who was his exact opposite, very slow like Indian three-wheeler which will suck a lot of diesel but cannot go beyond 30.

HB: What would you regard as the high point of your career?

NS: ..when the Australians toured India with Shane warne. Along with Sachin, I took Warne apart like a child tearing up the wraping paper from his birthday present! I made mincemeat of the mighty Aussies and ate them with Tomato sauce. I was on rampage, just like an Indian elephant I trampled them like the elephant tramples the paddy fields. .

HB: What is your opinion of current Indian team?

NS: Indian team's performance is like current hindi movies, too many flops and too few hits. It is too dependent on Sachin, Dravid, Srinath and Harbajan. Indian team without these four is like CHICKEN BIRYANI without Chicken,Rice,Muttor, Biryani-Masala. It's an empty plate. you can not eat it nor throw it away.

Our cricketers are very volatile like the Bombay Stock Exchange (BSE). You never know how they perform on a given day. They are like bicycles in a cycle stand - one falls down and the complete row will be down!

HB: ... and skipper Saurav?

NS: Saurav Ganguly is too open-minded. If you leave a soda bottle open the gas will vanish! You have to close it times. As a captain he sets a bad example for his team by his poor fielding. He moves so slowly on the field like jack of jack n jill who goes to fetch pail of runs for the opposition

HB: Sherry, you have made a dramatic comeback as a commentator. But don't you feel embarrassed by the constant ridicule heaped on you for your flowery style of commentary?

NS: You can take the tiger out of the jungle, but u can't take the jungle out of the tiger. Why should I be embarrassed about it? In fact, at present there are only two super stars in Indian cricket - the two S's - Sachin & Sidhu. Let me tell you a secret. Star sports-ESPN need me, as they can no longer rely on the performances of Indian cricket team. After Sachin gets out, they need someone to keep the viewers entertained. That is why they are now bringing that Bakra-guy Cyrus to commentate. I am telling you Harsha, your job is in danger, not mine. Soon the focus will be less on the game, more on us. It is going to become Sidhu-Cyrus show. The world is all about mind and matter, I don't mind and you don’t matter.