Have you ever loved a woman ?. Review on My Feudal Lord - Tehmima Durrani

I don’t mind living in a man’s world as long as I can be a woman in it.''

-- Marilyn Monroe

There are two kinds of women– one, who are proud to be women, who take immense pride in being the fairer sex and love essaying out the roles of mother, daughter, wife and sweetheart.

And then there is the second type, who feel ashamed to be a ‘female’ – they hate their bodies, minds and are forever feeling inferior than males. They wallow in self pity and sometimes strike out in revenge against the men.

I belong to the first category.

I am always puzzled by women who are always lamenting about the unfair disadvantages that they have to suffer since they are women. I wonder how they can forget the biggest power that God has granted to only a woman – only she can produce life by becoming a mother.

The joy of being a mother is almost unbelievably amazing. The first time I set my eyes on the serene, calm face of my new born babywas the moment I realized how much God has granted a woman. If I ever meet God, I shall kneel down and thank Him for this.

Now coming back to this book review -

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Recently there have been a spate of books which have been written by women from Pakistan, Bangladesh and Saudi Arabia which aim at ‘exposing’ the underbelly of feudal male dominance. They all have been written cooperatively with some American counterparts. They all have been best sellers. They have made millions and millions of dollars. ‘My feudal lord’ is one of such ‘exposing’ books.

Tehmina Durrani is the ex-wife of Mustafa Khar, a prominent Pakistani politician in the Zulfikar Ali Bhutto government, also called ‘Lion of Punjab’. He is a charismatic, influential man who has been the Chief Minister of Punjab at one time. He was incidentally, her second husband while she was his (hold your breath) sixth wife !!

The book begins with Tehmina giving a glimpse of her ‘deprived’ childhood when she felt that she was not favored as much as her sisters because she was darker than the others !Then she goes on to blame her father who she felt was not as dominating as a man should be – since he was almost ‘henpecked’ by his wife. Next, we are expected to listen spell-bound to the description of her ‘boring’ marriage to a perfectly respectable young manwho could not hold her interest.

Till she meets Mustafa Khar – the dynamic, powerful man who attracts her to such an extent that she abandons her little daughter, divorces her husband and marries this enigmaand lives to relate her tale of woe. The rest of the book is a long drawn out repetitive cycle of Mustafa cheating on her, beating her up, humiliating her - and she forgiving him again and again, till one day (thankfully, the book has to end !) she walks out on him – and writes a book ‘exposing’ him.

And to be perfectly honest to this book review, I must mention that there are pages and pages devoted on the politics of Pakistan – strategies, exiles in London, arrests and imprisonments. Yet, this is more like the 70s and 80s and not really contemporary politics.

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Why has this book attracted so much attention ?

Simply because it’s a kind of a reality show. It exploits the voyeurin every reader – sure, human beings are all voyeurs. They are curious about other people’s personal matters. That is what makes the MMS scandals, Shahid-Kareena pictures controversy and gossip magazines rake big bucks.

I am exasperatedwith women who are obsessed with lamenting about the male figures in their lives – if they are not falling in love with them, then they are marrying them, or they are divorcing them, or they are suspecting them of having extramarital affairs or they are getting beaten up by them or they are beating them up themselves. However ‘modern’ we may feel we are getting, in the end it all boils down to the ‘man’. And this book is the perfect embodiment of this fact.

Of course, one may shroud all this in the cloaks of ‘women upliftment’ and ‘feminism’ – yet I wonder how a woman making big bucks out of ‘exposing’ and writing reams of painful truths about everyone close to her can uplift an illiterate woman in a village who cannot even read?And actually these are the women who need a helping, guiding hand – and not women who wear designer labels, live in palatial homes, sit in beauty salons and gossip over delicate porcelain tea cups.

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In the end, one of my favourite quote :

''No one can make you feel inferior without your permission.''

Eleanor Roosevelt

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