Jul 23, 2002 09:18 AM
1949 Views
(Updated Jul 23, 2002 09:27 AM)
Of all the confounding qualities bestowed on humans by God, the one that befuddles me the most is man’s ability to trust and in return be trusted by those around him. By the way, I’m not unduly ecclesiastic by nature, but please forgive me if I sound intractably oratorical in this review.
A question of Trust
I have often pondered, many a time beyond the weltering boundaries of my scope of thinking (pretty limited, by my modest reckoning) as to what this concept of “Trust” is all about. Upon deep deliberation, the most plausible explanation (might sound flawed to some) that I offered myself is that I trust someone when I know them well enough, when I’m fairly well aware of their behavior, their characteristics and I know that I can uncompromisingly count on them not to hurt me, leading to a situation where I’m convinced beyond doubt that whatever this person does to me is with a sense of beneficence bereft of malafide intentions.
How do I trust people?
I have had a difficult childhood, something generously bestowed upon me by the Lord God above. This phase of my life left me with very strenuous standards of trusting people and making friends, something that I acknowledge, (in hindsight) has benefited me a lot. My standards are pretty simple but are found to be rather exacting by those around me. My only yardstick is this - if I’m reasonably convinced of a person’s integrity, honesty and value systems, I trust him/her.
What about trusting people online?
I consider myself to be of a very strong temperament (and not without reason) that more often than not borders on an almost maniacal, self-protecting mechanism. Though I’ve been meeting/chatting with different kinds of people online for the last 4 years, I never trusted any of them blindly, at least not without knowing enough about them as much as they knew about me.
My standards for trusting people online are more simplistic and uncomplicated, simply because I know that in 9 cases out of 10, I will not meet that person in real life nor do I know what the duration of that relationship is going to be. More importantly, I consider it a sacrosanct principle that if I’m really to trust someone in real life, I ought to necessarily meet that person and see him/her in flesh and blood. There’s a sense of immediacy in developing a relationship based on trust and I find it both imposing and daunting a task to trust someone I haven’t met face-to-face. It’s not without reason that one of our intellectuals once quipped - “Seeing is believing”.
More specifically, my criteria for trusting someone on MS is this – I need to be convinced (beyond an ounce of doubt) that he/she is totally unbiased in opinion, sincere by nature and non-controversial when it comes to satiating his/her covert human needs. These are the three criteria that I look for on an importunate basis in all people that I come across here on MS.
Do I expect you to trust me too?
My experience on MS has been fairly pleasant (till about a month ago) but I find it childish when someone begins harassing me just because they don’t necessarily agree with what I write or because they simply feel that I’m wasting their “precious” time and vitiating the concept of this commendable site by giving (seemingly unsolicited) opinions on “irrelevant” topics.
No harm in that, if you don’t agree with me, that’s fine. After all, I’m human by nature and am bound to have differences of opinion with others. My point is - why make the whole issue personal and start castigating in return? Secondly, what is the necessity to form a group of “like-minded” people and collectively launch a tirade? Hell, are we here to write reviews or to form “hate clubs”? I also find it wildly hilarious when someone demands an explanation of me as to why that particular person is not on my trusted list while wistfully pointing out that someone else is. Gosh! Is it really that important to be seen on someone’s “Trusted Circle”?
I have my own criteria for trusting people which may very well be different from what you may have. I’ve never approached any of my relationships with a “give and take” attitude. I believe in giving my best to any relationship, doesn’t matter even if I don’t get anything back in return. To the best of my knowledge, I’ve never asked anyone to add me to their trust list or for that matter even beseeched someone to read my reviews and rate them favorably. Why do some people believe so strongly in behaving like Shylock and extracting every pound of flesh for the favours (reading/rating/trusting) done by them unto others?
What happened to my Trust List?
It was there for all to see till a month ago but certain experiences here forced me to change the way I looked at and judged people. Unfortunately, some well-known members who I thought had impeccable integrity and whom I had trusted unequivocally began acting like the clowns at the Gemini circus and their attitude towards me took a complete volte-face for no fault of mine (apart from the reasons mentioned in the previous para). That was when I began having second thoughts about my criteria for trusting people. Should I have had different standards for trusting people? But then, how was I to know that certain people would turn out to be wolves in a sheep’s clothing? I still hold no grudges against them for the (continuing but now appreciably abated) harassment, except that my trust in them has waned considerably…I still admire them for the good work done by them on MS though.
Forgive me folks, just because my Trust list is empty doesn’t mean that I hate this site or trust no one around. It’s just that I find no point in publicly displaying the names of the members I trust to all and sundry. If I trust someone, it’s strictly my own prerogative whether or not I want others to know about it. Those that I trust are well aware of it, I’m sure it doesn’t have to be obvious only if I display your names on my profile page.
I only wish my “discretionary fan club” on MS would drink Thums Up more often. They have a lot of growing up to do ;-)
