I believe in Shah Rukh Khan's philosophy. In other words, I believe that I am the best. Sample a recent chat conversation I had recently with a friend:
She: You actually want to go into engineering?
Me: Er, not sure. Mera koi bharosa nahin hai.
She: I don't think you should go for engineering. After all, to pass a course as difficult as that, you need something between your ears.
Me: (enraged) Of course, I have something between my ears. I have a cranium, a pair of eyes, a nose, a tongue and thirty-two teeth which can make even Alok Nath sharminda when it comes to smiling.
She: (exasperated) I'm talking about brains!
Me: Brains? What's that? Oh, that! Well, I can beat Albert Einstein, yaar!
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My nickname is Harry Potter, which means that my best friend is called Hermione Granger. I used Hermione's Time Turner and there I was, face to face with the man himself - Albert Einstein.
I realised that Mr. Einstein was a fan of SRK as well. In other words, even he believed that he was the best. I challenged him to a mental duel. The challenge was that I would ask him 3 questions. If he fails to answer any one of them, I am smarter.
''Mr. Einstein, why didn't the animated parrot and dog marry in Main Prem Ki Deewani Hoon?''
''Raj, don't you know that two different species cannot breed? Though for a moment, I was scared that Sooraj Barjatya wouldn't know that. For all you know, he might have made a love quadrangle between the four animals of the movie, dog, parrot, Hrithik and Kareena!''
''Hmm, correct. Sir, why have great movies like Lamhe, Andaz Apna Apna, The Legend Of Bhagat Singh, Ek Hasina Thi et al bombed at the box-office?''
''If a movie like Hum Aapke Hain Kaun, with that added exclamation mark at the end, which shows Laxmikant Berde give a speech in English (Thank God, it wasn't French! Merci!), can be a hit, then be thankful that the movies you mentioned flopped.''
''Aha, my last question, which will decide the winner. Could you explain me something about the movie 'Meenaxi'?''
Albert Einstein stared at me. He ruffled his hands through his rich locks, as if the answer to my question was lost in his locks. Slowly, he began to tear out his hair, instead of merely ruffling his hands through them. He realised that he had lost.
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I have had extreme reactions while watching many films. Dil Chahta Hai left me with my mouth open in amazement, Hum Aapke Hain Kaun made me bang my head to the same beat as 'Dhik Tana', Golmaal has had me in rollicking laughter each time I see it, Anand had me in tears. For the first time though, I didn't display any reaction on watching M.F. Hussan's Meenaxi. Did I like it? Did I dislike it? Well, before I can decide that, I need to decide - what on earth was it, in the first place?
If Kaahin Kissii Roz with Ramola Sikand and her horrific wigs and bindis confuses you, you need to watch Meenaxi. I felt the same emotion I had felt while attending biology lectures which described how angiosperms reproduce. Confused.
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From what I gathered from some parts, Tabu plays 3 roles - Meenaxi, Meenakshi and Maria. I am rather surprised that the third one was not named Meeeeeenaxshi to add to the confusion. Raghuvir Yadav - the Indianized version of a Hobbit, is a writer who makes Tabu the subject of his novel. Which Tabu, did you ask? I still do not know. Along the way, there is a certain Kabir Bedi lookalike Kunal Kapoor called Kameshwar. Now, did you actually think that he plays just one role since he has only one name? Tch tch, this is the world of M.F. Hussain, my friend! I am not sure whether Kunal Kapoor plays 2 or 3 roles. That should depict how confused the movie left me.
I first believed that the long-haired fellow played 3 roles - a car mechanic in real life, the Kameshwar of Jaisalmer and the Kameshwar of Prague. Later, I was informed that the car mechanic was a fictional character who was a part of the book. Now, doesn't that remind you of a Ramsay flick?
Oh, I actually forgot to mention. The Prague episode even features a cycle. I half expected Abhishek Bachchan to be seated on the bicycle, a la Main Prem Ki Deewani Hoon. Thankfully, he didn't add to the torture.
And then, even Raghuvir Yadav plays two roles, the writer and some other character in Prague - or so I thought.
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Now, I am still wondering why I saw this flick. I do not have a fetish of walking without my chappals, nor do I like Tabu. In fact, I believe that Tabu is taboo - a highly overrated actress, who was good only in Maachis and Chandni Bar. Yet, however hard it may be, let me try to list down some of the saving graces of the flick.
The cinematography is brilliant. Santosh Sivan is a genius at his job and the depiction of Jaisalmer and Prague is sheer poetry. However, in the absence of a story and a script, the film ends up becoming a tourist guide to Jaisalmer and Prague. I would rather watch a documentary. At least, they do not confuse me!
Rahman's music is spell-binding. Chinnamma Chillakamma is quite obviously inspired by the word 'Nikamma', which is a part of my MouthShut ID. Sukhwinder Singh sings amazingly in this song which means 'Small butterfly, small bird'. All the other songs are well composed, too.
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I still don't know what is so great about Tabu. She is said to have given a great performance in this movie. Well, as the real Meenaxi (or is it Meenakshi?), she is nothing special. As the other Meenakshi/Meenakshi/I don't care anymore, she is decent in a miniscule role. As the object of Ricky Martin's affection - Maria, all Tabu does is mimic Sonia Gandhi's (!) accent to perfection.
Will the real Meenaxi, please stand up?
Raghuvir Yadav is excellent. Here is an actor who has always delivered, whether it were his delightful cameos in '1942 - A Love Story' or 'Darna Mana Hai', or a full length role in an absurd film like Meenaxi. Kudos ...
Kunal Kapoor reminds me of Kabir Bedi and John Abraham. He acts decently in whatever role he has. Though, of course, it is debatable as to what role he has.
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As I left the cinema hall, a couple sarcastically remarked that the flick should be sent to the Oscars. Another fellow made a rather obscene elaboration of the (mis)director's initials.
If you still feel that you want to watch Meenaxi, let me remind you of the piece de resistance - M.F. Hussain has a guest appearance.
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Who cares whether it is Meenaxi or Meenakshi or Maria or even Mandakini! Quit thinking, just comment ...
Er, by the way, have updated my profile. Do read it and let me know how bad it is.
