Nothing Interesting on the Menu. Review on McDonald's, Park Street, Kolkata

Why McDonald’s? For some, it is a meeting place. For others, a place to throw something in your stomach during busy times. For yet others, a place to hang out with friends/ family. For some a place to park your behinds when you tire from shopping. And for brats a place to get ‘free’ toys. All this and other similar reasons, but NOT about eating.

I have always been lethargically unenthused about eating at McDonalds. Whenever anyone insistently tells me, “Lets go to McDonalds” or “ See you at McDonalds” something in me wants to opt out right away. Or I try and talk him/her out of it, as I do not like the food there. Main meal – never. Snacks - I groan at the mere thought of snacking there

I haven’t seen any other fast food outlet with such a limited choice. There are hardly 2-3 things I can eat there and for veggies the choice is lesser. And I find all the burgers have that uniform tastelessness of something hot from the microwave, extremely bland and old. Old cheese slices and elder salad leaves. (though they claim that everything is fresh, the claims may even be right, yet why does everything feel so stale). Their Indianised menu - aloo tikki, maharaja mac all seems too synthetic. The only thing I like there is the fillet-o-fish. Ice creams? Milk shakes? I can name many other places with better ice creams and shakes.

Nobody eating at McDonald’s seems to be actually enjoying the meal per se. Instead what is liked is each other’s company, the neatly managed place etc. Does anyone comes for the food? The majority appears to order a pack of fries and sit with it for a long time to chat.

It is solely because of the Food that McDonalds simply doesn’t work for me.

For a snack, Give me khada paav bhaji anyday. Give me vada paav (with gun powder and imli chutney, SLURP!) anyday. Give me an amul dabeli anyday. Or Alu tikki, Radga pattice, chana bhatura, Pani puri (Gol gappa/ Phuchkaas), the endless hot piping snacks from any Udipi restaurant, onion/alu pakoras etc etc. Do I get anything even remotely close in taste and variety at McDonalds? (and all that stuff mentioned above need not necessarily be consumed only from street stalls)

All this probably makes me sound very dehati, not hep, not with it and not keeping up with the new fads in snacking (snigger snigger). I couldn’t care lesser. Many people want to go to McDonalds exactly because of such thoughts, that they shouldn’t be considered dehati and outmoded. I can’t believe that there is a ''life-style aspiration'' attached to anything worth marketing these days. Even bathroom commodes have them. And in matters of snacking, people want to blindly follow western habits and pretend/ allege to like these snacks over others - an attitude that I find so pathetic that I can’t even get myself to poke fun at it.

Shoddy toys for children in some happy meal/ combo meal or whatever it is called ensures that the brat won’t stop howling until you taken him/her to McDonalds for a happy meal. The ads and promotions all focus on children, which is sly marketing for an unsatisfactory product. The slyness has resulted in success.

I also do not agree much that McDonalds is better as it is more hygienic than the other fast foods available. I think Udipi restaurants and other such eating joints maintain a high standard of hygiene too. Though the rates are about OK considering their overheads, but to spend Rs. 250 on unsatisfying snacks for two, I’d rather eat elsewhere at less than half the rates.

There was a big brouhaha some time back, when beef tallow was reported to have been used in the French Fries. Made me sit up and think where are the Shiv Sainiks when you expect them the most. Before I knew it they went ahead and ransacked/ broke into a few McDonalds outlets. Conclusion: Bad Incidents happen to equally Bad Food Outlets.

[*Hell! I goofed again. Politically incorrect, as always. Don’t I understand it should be called Freedom Fries and not French Fries. So what now? Change our vocabulary? Hollywood must be soon to re-name few old movies, to The Freedom Lt’s Woman, The Freedom Connection. etc

Renovating your home? How about trying some Freedom windows?

Tired of routine sex? Why don’t you try the Freedom Tickler?

And is it right to Freedom Kiss on the first date itself? By the way, I loved Meg Ryan in Freedom Kiss*]

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Unless in company and the majority wants to go there, I avoid McDonalds. Thankfully, not many people I know dig that place anyway.

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