Mar 10, 2003 10:58 AM
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(Updated Mar 10, 2003 10:58 AM)
I finally saw the second part of the [in]Famous Lord of the Rings movie the day before. We had 2 hours to kill, and hearing that I still hadn’t watched it; my so-called friends dragged me to see this movie. Not only did we manage to kill the time, but very nearly manage to kill me. It’s a cult movie, or so I have been told, and I wonder whether these cult members are the same that believe in the Raelian cult...you know, the one that believes that we are all created by extra-terrestrial beings. Watching this never-ending movie made be lose all sensations in my body. I became an extension of my chair, and wondered whether being killed by the frightening Orcs in the movie would end the torture.
As I start to write the plot of the cult movie, I wonder, what the heck was the plot anyway? All I could make out was that some ugly kids [called hobbits] and some uglier grown ups [one was way too sexy] are being chased by hideous looking monsters called Orcs, and various other fanciful names. The sole purpose of this gang is to destroy a ring. You would think that so what? They can just destroy the ring anywhere...why waste 3 movies spread over 3 years to do so? But no, it is not that simple...the ring has to be destroyed at the home of the big uncle evil lord Sauron, also called Mordor, whose eye keeps flashing in a few well timed sequences. Balderdash!!
The movie starts off where the first one left us. [Us meaning those of you who watched it, not me] The ugly kids [Frodo and Samwise] are being followed by an uglier computer generated creature called Gollum. Apparently, the all important Ring is Gollum’s “precious” and has kept him alive for a long time, and he wants it back! The brilliantly irritating Sam and the feminine looking Frodo capture him. Gollum promises to show the way to Mordor if they will release him. As happens in all Hollywood movies, the sidekick [Sam] distrusts him, while the Hero [Frodo] will trust him with his life [Silly Ass].
While all this drama is going on, across a place called “middle earth”, the amazingly sexy Aragorn [I drooled over him throughout the movie, much to the annoyance of my friends], the annoying Elf Legolas, the Hollywood implanted dwarf Gimli [who is there to provide so-called comic relief] are in the Kingdom of Rohan, whose king has been hypnotized by Sarunam, another wizard-in-white. Enter Eowyn, the king’s daughter, and sparks fly between her and my Aragorn [the bitch!! :-)]. The other wizard-in-white, Gandalf, is on the good guy’s side and he and Aragorn herd the remaining people of Rohan to the fortress of Gondor, where they fight an epic battle with thousands upon thousands of computer generated Orcs and other monsters.
Both stories happen parallely, and will converge in the third installment, due next year[thank God]. Overall, the story is very very confusing, and there is hardly any plot. I think that the original books by Tolkien are much better [yes, I have read 4 of them]. I am sure that he will turn in his grave after seeing this movie. The movie is too much dependent on Computer generated Animations, and some of the sequences are ridiculous. I mean, honestly, do they expect us to swallow the talking trees carrying the highly irritating hobbits Merry and Pippin?? The background score is too loud, as can be expected in a movie where swords are clanging every 5 minutes. Its so-so at some places, though they are few and far between.
My final thoughts are please avoid it if you can, unless of course, you are a tourist and wish to see beautiful New Zealand in all its pristine glory. I am aware that by now nearly everyone on this planet has seen it, but for those of you who haven’t been on earth, or are too lazy, or just didn’t see it[like me], you will thank me for this warning. The movie eventually finished after 10 hours. As I tottered out of the cinema hall, it was raining. I slipped and broke my shoe. I swear I heard the Orcs laughing. It was a perfect day.
Closing Notes: I am aware that many people loved this movie, and that my review might not please everyone. To each his own, and these are my opinions. I just wrote what I felt like, so please don’t blast me too much :-). This is my first review at this wonderful site, and I hope to write many more.
