Focus is a four letter word. Review on Lakshya

Here's what happens when the entire nation goes ga-ga over a movie that portrays us as exactly what we are, shows what we do, amplifies the petty and throws in a few lessons in morality as well.

Here’s what happens when an “Average Joe” filmmaker taps into a Suburban Bombay neighbourhood and makes a decent film that’s funny in parts. Such films, in the west, have been made, admired and forgotten. In our country though, it’s considered path-breaking. (mainly because most of our films don’t follow too much of a path anyway) So different is this slice-of-life approach that we wanna send it to the Oscars. We make a demi-god out of a Farhan Akhtar, who suspiciously appears to be a half-covert cross dresser. Before anyone jumps at conclusions – let’s just say I quite enjoyed DCH.

Armed with our overflowing love did Farhan Akhtar dare to make this film.

Armed with the memory of his last film did I make the long and winding road to the theatre.

Ahh..the lights go out.

Darkness.

SFX: Popcorn crunching. Someone farts. Giggles. More giggles.

“Lakshya! That's the word, Lakshya!”

The next two hours and forty minutes are spent trying to comprehend brilliance or rather the lack of it. There was a time when I actually thought the projectionist got his reels mixed up. As you get up to leave, you feel drained.

(Now I know how victims of bad comedians feel when ambushed in tight-lipped, shallow social events haunted by Bina Ramani, her daughter, Kailash and Aarti Surendranath, Ash Chandler and all those dastardly names you come across when on the potty.)

I digress. I digress.

Okay. “Is it a war movie?”

SFX: Convulsive laughter.

Let's face it guys. The kinda junta you wanna attract with the movie (Sec B+ and above, this isn't a movie that's gonna work wonders in the villages of Bengal, you'll agree) have seen enough war movies to disregard your attempt and silently puke in a little brown bag.

The world has seen great wars - and greater movies based on them. Think 'Platoon'. Think 'A Bridge Too Far'. Think “Tora, Tora, Tora”. Think “Saving Private Ryan”. Think straight.

Okay. ”Is it a movie about will and focus as the name suggests?”

SFX: Silence

No it’s not. It’s just a ruddy mish-mash. Vacillating between designer Delhi homes to IMA to Ladakh and bad hairpieces, Lakshya is not about anything. It’s just a father-son duo trying to con a billion people with brilliant cinematography by some unknown firang.

Okay. “Who’s in it”

SFX: (in chorus) Who’s not?

Amitabh Bachchan: Wonder what got him to sign the film?

Preity Zinta: Amateurish, boring and hackneyed. Preity Zinta's childish excitement is no more exciting. Rather irritating and cliched - she's a weak link in the film. Actors like hr are a dime-a-dozen sans the brilliant dimple and crows feet. It’s time she went the Mallika Sherawat way. At least that way the men will be happy.

Boman Irani: Terribly out of place. Terrible pronunciation. Terrible dialogues. Terrible.

Hrithik: Fab. He’s the real star. Punters were probably just looking at him when they backed this project.

Successful stars of yesterday are relegated to the sidelines from where they deliver ''emotionally charged'', ''parochially laced'' sentiments that probably wouldn't ignite a cigarette in a match factory.

A lot has been spoken about the ‘beautiful’, father-son chat-a-thon. (It apparently was the best scene from the film as per Alex Perry, Correspondent for Time Asia) Alex Perry is obviously an idiot or didn’t manage the translation too well.

The music is passable and that is the saving grace of the film. Though “Agar Main Kahoon” sounded suspiciously like “Dream On” by Depeche Mode – we obviously cannot accuse Shankar, Ehsaan and Loy as they are beyond plagiarism. (That’s Anu Malik territory, remember?) But it’s too much of a co-incidence for us to kep quiet and silently agree that these three are as talented as a Martin Gore or a Dave Gahan.

To cut a long story short. Well shot. Bad movie.

No show, gentlemen.

Pull your belts up, smoothen the tresses, shave your head. But entertain me the next time around. And if you have something akin to what we have here, do us a favor, show us some T&A. I will write a wonderful review that will touch the hearts of a 100 odd mouth shut addicts worldwide. Enough.

Curtains