I know what you did with the Rotten Corpse. Review on Kucch To Hai

Imagine for a moment that you have made a fortune making silly, cliched & pathetic Saas-Bahu/Rona-Dhona serials on Telly, You have a brother who promises to be a competitor to Govinda in mannerisms, looks & clothes, You have a few TV stars ready to work for a pittance, Have an ex-Jumping Jack of a dad who has of late has been limping hard, Got a few Hollywood Slasher flicks biting dust in your DVD/VCD collection ... Imagine you were Ekta Kapoor(EK)... What would you do? Make a Teeny-weeny Slasher flick!!

Morbid Legends

Coming to the story, it seems to have inspired not one but three Hollywood movies (great!!!) Urban Legend(UL), I know what you did last summer(IKWYDLS) and I STILL know what you did last(-last) summer (ISKWYDLS). Think about a Bollywood influencing three Hollywood movies which got made few years earlier!! Wow... isn't that something to be proud about. And then they float these Morbid legends that Bollywood copies from Hollywood :-(

The story-line about a mysterious grumpy Prof. with a shady past has been taken by UL. The Petrol Bunk scene involving Esha Deol is another straight lift off from KTH by UL (except that Ms. Esha Deol Survives :-( ). Also the scene of Slasher chasing a book worm (first victim) in the Campus on Prom-night, and his hanging. The Car (Jeep?) accident scene, some of the slasher scenes, Steam bath scene etc. have been copied by IKWYDLS & ISKWYDLS.

And these Hollywood film makers don't even have the decency to give credits to poor Ms. Kapoor? Grrrr....

I know the Lead Pair cannot act

Well... it is a futile excercise like searching for a needle in an ocean of sand to expect any remote semblance of acting from 'The Twin Craters of Acting' Tusshar Kapoor (TK) & Esha Deol (ED). The poor things cannot act even if someone holds a gun to their foreheads :-(

But the other heroine 'Whats-her-name'... Natasha... does some acting... a rarity in this movie where most of the actors(?) don't even know what they are doing on the screen. Also there is one 'Item' number on her (the only Paisa Vasool jo kuch bhi hai... in this movie).

After trying to mimic Govinda in film after film...( It is my strong belief that TK will take Govinda's place one day). It was refreshing to see him try a take on Mahesh Manjrekar in the song with all the lads holding snakes in their hands, with a blonde patch on his head. I just wish they wouldn't flash TK's stills so much...which can really scare below 18s more than the movie itself & show the REAL item a lot more ;-)

BTW... I don't know what Rishi Kapoor (RK) was doing in this movie. His face resembling an over-blown defective boxing bag, unkempt hair, unshaven face, wearing the same shirt through-out the movie, bashing students like a BHAI, breaking glass doors in the Principals room, slashing students who come to his house to take Notes & change answer-sheets. Angry & Crazy Old Man!!! The only time he opens his mouth is almost close to the Climax... and makes us wish that he HADN'T!!:-(

The other hero 'whats-his-name'... Yash... he wears a Vaishno Devi Tilak (Tika) through-out the movie, be it practicing for Prom-night, trying to Patao Natasha, trying to spoil a friend's first-night, even when getting chased by the slasher!! Jai Vaishno Devi... Maa agar TK aur ED kucch acting-vacting kiye bina hi Hero-Heroine ban sakthe hain to Main kyon nahin Maa ... Kucch To hai Maa .. Batao na Maa... Jab tak thum nahi bataogi thera yeh Bhakth Har scene mein thera yeh Tika apne Maathe pe lagake Acting karega...Yeh Meri Akand Pratigya hain Maa... Jai Vaishno Devi

I know I have seen you somewhere before

Most of the actors happen to be from EK's countless Kkkkk... TV serials. The rest are remains from TKs earlier movies like Vrajesh Hirji who gives a tough competition to Johnny Lever Saab trying to pass off non-stop nonsense-talk as comedy & murdering whatever remaining suspense(?) in this movie. It is a real horror to watch him act(?)... next only to Johnny Bhai.

I don't know if I should even mention the jerk of an actor who plays character of the Hotel Manager (a regular in Govinda movies). Poor chap... he doesn't even know or remember whether he is a manager or a Chaprasi

Jeetendra (TKs baap) still seems to be hanging on to the 'Hangover' of his 'Jumping Jack' days. Neither did he act in those good old days... nor does he even try to in this movie. Why should he when all that he has to say when his son his sad is 'Jee Bhar ke Ro le' (Cry your heart out)... Well, I did for spending my hard earnt money on this no-good film :-(

I know Ekta Kapoor cannot Direct

Here are some samples from Ms. Kapoor's 'Believe it or Not'

1) RK kills his wife, keeps her rotten corpse openly at his home... yet manages to fool the police looking for his missing wife!! And never makes even the vainest attempt to Lock the Doors!!!

2) RK carries the college Final Examination answer-sheets which will be sent to some other college for correction to his home instead of keeping them safely in the college!!

3) RK gets hit Hard by a Jeep... jumps sky high & falls on the road like a sack of potatoes... gets pissed all over by Johnny Lever (JL)... falls into the Valley! And yet Survives!! Move over Terminators... Rishi Kapoor is here!!!

4) When the police in Shimla are looking for him... RK manages to live all these years in his cottage... making repeated STD (long distance) calls to TKs office (Why???)... inspite of being jobless and being a wanted man in Shimla!!

5) RK buries himself in half a feet of Snow... waiting for Vrajesh Hirji to run a few miles slowly, fall exactly over him & waiting with grasping breath for RK to emerge from the snow & slash him!!

6) Finally as soon as Yash gives the complaint, in no time do the Shimla police manage to nab RK. What were they doing all these years? Eating fried Shimla Mirchs??!!

The 'lift-off' scenes have been shot so pathetically... I now know Ekta Kapoor cannot even make a decent copy from Hollywood movies.

I know you are getting bored... so let me conclude

I still don't know why I watched this flick & am wasting my time reviewing it. I still don't know how you managed to read upto here. I still don't know what was this movie all about? Kuchch Tha Kya????

So what does Prof. Bakshi do with his wife's rotten corpse? Keep it hidden(?) on a chair in his library!! Ever heard of making a mole-hill from a mountain... this film does it!!