Date and Time: Oct 17, 2003 - 4 pm
Location: Mumbai High Court
Case: Mansoor Khan vs. Makers of Kramer vs Kramer
The Players:
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Mansoor Khan represented by GOVINDA (Of Kyuunki Main Jhooth Nahin Bolta fame)
Makers of Kramer vs. Kramer represented by SUNNY DEOL (of Damini fame)
The judge - SANJAY ''INSPIRED'' GUPTA (of Kaante aka Reservoir Dogs fame)
The script:
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The court attendant hollers ''ORDER ORDER. The Right Honorable Sanjay Gupta is now presiding'' The packed audience rises: all of 'em pencil totting paparazzi included.
Judge: It’s a goddamn Friday evening!! The weekend is almost here gentlemen so lets wrap this fast...Wots this case about?
Govinda: Ya ya, ur honor. I no understanding reason for this case..Silly movie... Kramer vs Kramer.. has to be banned..dont understanding why ppl shud see such crap.
Sunny (bellows): Abbey shuddup ! Ur honor - here is a classic from Hollywood and these morons dont want it to be released.. They cant even give logical reasons for their opposition.
Judge (interested): Hollywood movie ?? Hmmmm ! What are ur reasons, Govindaji ?
Govinda: A million !! But lets start with Reason no: 1 :-) This movie is slow, dull, depressing, boring and it has a plot which offers no ''entertainment'' value.
Sunny(in an irritated tone): Ur honor lemme explain ! This is a story about a career man TED - an ad executive who has no time for his wife and 6 yr old kid - a guy whoz only aim is to make it big , really big. He lands up a big assignment and
comes home hoping to celebrate only to hear from his wife JOANNA that she's leaving him for good. Whats even worse is the fact that she dumps their kid BILLY in his control. The poor guy doesn’t know the ABCs of cooking a French Toast leave alone raising a kid.
Govinda: Shtopppp !! Reason no: 2 - Twenty minutes of movie gone, ur Honor - so far no comedy, no songs ! After JOANNA leaving TED, he is clearing the house and thinking - looking at her fotos - No songs here ?? Not even flashback ?? This is
nonsense ! Reason no: 3 - the movie then showing hero trying to cook, bath his son, dress him up - things no MAN shud do - degrading - Ban this movie, ur Honor! Plss !
Sunny(incensed): (Pointing at Govinda) This man should be in a mental asylum !
Neway ur honor, what happens next is that TED has a very tough time balancing his work and taking care of BILLY. There is this big REVLON assignment and its a 2 million$ account so he has to give it his all. His boss O CONNOR is concerned but TED promises to come up trumps in the campaign. TED is by now divorced and slowly coming to grips with handling life without JOANNA. He manages to forge a strong bond with BILLY - reading him bedtime stories, shopping with him, attending his school functions even putting his career a little in the backburner to be a ''good daddy''. Alls going well till suddenly JOANNA resurfaces back after 18 months.
Govinda: Ur honor, ur Honor - may I be heard? Reason no: 4 - Bad characterization - Where are the shrieking mothers? Why isn’t TED grieving by drinking? Why isn’t the kid the usual ''going way over the top'' kinds ? The formula wrong, all wrong !
Sunny (ignoring Govinda): Ur honor, When JOANNA returns she asks for custody of BILLY. TED reminds her of her ''desertion'' and refuses to give up BILLY. JOANNA files a case in court. TED fights back by hiring a top notch attorney - someone whose got
brains(casts a look at GOVINDA) And then in the midst of all this domestic chaos, TED is sacked. TED finds employment in another agency but for a lower pay. The case gets to a hearing. JOANNA puts the blame for their failed marriage on TEDs
shoulders claiming that he never let her discover ''herself''. The questioning in court gets nasty and both JOANNA and TED are subjected to humiliation. And then the JUDGE rules in JOANNA's favor giving her BILLYs custody citing some stray incidents of negligence on TEDs part .... And then its the climax...Cant tell you that..
Govinda: Oh yeah !! See, ur honor - Reason no: 5 - the movie is so one-dimensional....
Sunny:(annoyed) Not at all.. There are lots of ''supporting characters'' - There's MARGARET who lives in the same building as TED, who was a good friend of JOANNA - MARGARET is divorced from her husband CHARLIE and is raising up her daughter KIM alone. She knows TED didn’t give JOANNA quality time but is shocked when JOANNA deserts BILLY. She helps TED and becomes his confidante cum friend. There's MURRAY - a smart as* at office who is out to get TED's job - there's PHYLLIS the office lawyer who has an eye on TED. There's SHAUNESSY, TEDs attorney who is basically nice but ruthless when it comes to fighting divorce cases.
Govinda: OK OK OK.. Reason no 6: But there is no drama element ?
Sunny: Arre Bhai, is loud crying the only way to show melodrama? The scene where TED explains to BILLY why JOANNA has really left them, the tearful testimony of JOANNA in court, the heartfelt reasons TED gives for claiming custody of BILLY, the scene where MARGARET tells TED that she might be getting back with CHARLIE - weren’t they all tear jerkers? (wipes away a tear himself)
Judge: Puttaarrr, sambhalo, sambhalo khud ko sambhalo... Court recess ! Somebody give Mr.Sunny a hanky pls !
Court reassembles
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Govinda: OK, so the movie had good scenes but what abt the acting ? me thought they were too underplayed and mellow !
Sunny: TED was simply superb and it was no wonder he won the Best Actor Oscar - he may not have been blessed with matinee idol looks but TED was very convincing be it portraying anguish, fear, vulnerability or love. JOANNAs was not a big role but
she was simply divine though I guess MARGARET also deserved the Best Supporting Actress Oscar. And need I say, BILLY was simply, amazingly natural.
Govinda:(worried) Music.. There was no music.. hahaha...
Sunny: This is no GODFATHER to have a riveting score.. The music was so subtle that it didn’t impede the flow of the movie but still enhanced it greatly be it in the opening titles or the climax - chk the piano and guitar notes sir.. Alas, u have no
music sense !
Govinda: Ur honor - Sunnyji may say whatever he wants but the fact is that screenplay didn’t have any masala ?
Sunny: Ur honor - this is a movie on a very sensitive topic - divorce and parental rights - we cant afford to digress !
Govinda:(last throw of the dice) Last but most important reason - Ur honor, this movie is a COPY of my client Mansoor Khan's idea - he thought of it in 1976 and this was released in 1979 - Its plagiarism !
Judge: Aw bosh !!
Govinda: That’s it ! I cant do this nemore.. Mansoor ji, I resign !! Ur honor - its a wonderful movie and I have to accept it KYUUNKI MAIN JHOOTH NAHIN BOLTA :-)))
Judge : I've made up my mind - Release the movie and invite me to the premiere ;-) Case closed.
Audience rise as one to applaud.
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ok guys, first the credits:
TED - Dustin Hoffman
JOANNA - Meryl Streep
BILLY - Justin Henry
MARGARET - Jane Alexander
Director - Robert Benton
I realize I have ''attempted'' a different revu on a classic - I couldn’t put myself thru all those strong emotions again !
I saw K v K first in 2000 - didn’t appreciate is as much then but after seeing Akele Hum Akele Tum in so many of ur ''movies that deserved to be hits'' list, I felt I had to revisit it and oh boy, aint I grateful !!
Bouquets and brickbats are welcome ! Pls do comment ! Plsss ! Andyes, can someone pls help me with formatting . I just cant seem to use Bold n Italics :-((
