The Disease Factory. Review on Kal Ho Naa Ho

I just want to sit down, weep in uncontrolled agony, and curse my fate.

Never in my life have I suffered such diseases after watching KHNH. While I was already suffering from severe DEHYDRATION after the deluge of tears, I also drowned in the flood caused by the aunt next to me. After consoling the aunt nearby that her son was alive, married and had a kid, she reconciled her emotions. Can a movie cause such catastrophic results on the body? Read on.

KHNH causes ACATAPHASIA; You experience severe brain disorder by which you lose your ability to express yourself in an organized manner; This is primarily caused when you see sex starved aunt passing off as JLO, and more specifically when SRK jumps into Pretty Woman Jig with Red Pants and Chrome Sweatshirt. I forget SRK if reminded was 40 old years…, help! I am almost disease the feeling.

KHNH causes AGNOSIA; You simply lose your ability to cry any more or respond to my stimuli. You just don’t feel anything for Reema Lagoo who looks more interested in fashion statements than her dying son; nor do You feel anything for the son, i.e. SRK, who just dies, because, well, the script demanded it. No! Your brain nerves don’t respond when Naina makes a dash on realizing the truth! No No! You just can’t feel anything!

KHNH causes acute DIAREHHA; You first puke at the instance of horrendously done Pretty Woman, and then walk your way to the loo wishing you had multiple bouts of loose motions to not only save you from hearing and seeing the songs, but also saving yourself from watching all females sticking their parts with SRK in songs. You wish you were particularly deaf too with multiple spasms lasting ten minutes so that you could have avoided seeing whole circus troupe in sherwanis dancing to mahi-ve.

KHNH causes MELANCHOLIA; One is extremely bereft of tears by the end simply because he or she did have to endure 3 old women singing, a motherless najayaz child, over the top Gujju family and such variety of extra characters. You go into a melancholy state wondering the possibilities of what next. You wait for the dreaded Kadva Chauth, however its not there. You wait sadly for a dog or parrot endlessly, yet they don’t provide the relief. Instead Kanta Ben and her homosexual vagaries try to keep you interested. In the end, even when everything on and off screen in a state of melancholy, you are in your own too, for you wonder how you managed to get there.

KHNH causes APRAXIA; After the experience though your muscles function well, your body simply refuses to move. When you try to move your right leg right, it goes left and vice versa happens. You start imagining yourself to be in a state of paranoia, similar to what SRK displays when he has the attack in Mahi-ve. You wish you were paralytic, yet you are alive. You are unable to make any movement after the movie is over; The callboy who cleans the theater in between shows lifts you and throws you on street; your brains begin to respond to cool air and a sense of normalcy may be restored. In extreme cases like mine, the disease haunts for days together.

KHNH causes MEGALOMANIA; On watching KHNH, you imagine you were in a delusion. You wish you were so rich that you had nothing to bother except being the nosy neighbor. You wish you were so rich that you actually had a big hole, big enough to decorate. You wish you were Manish Malhotra who seems devoid of any style when it comes to men, while when it comes to women knows his job. You wish you had a mom like Reema Lagoo whose complete devotion to her dying son is as fake as her trying to stylize herself! You wish you were in the famous Patel Mansion to check the hole – err… That was not very enterprising.

KHNH causes DISPOMANIA; One wishes to become devdas after the deluge of tears that follow post interval. You wish you were in a bar sipping not one, but ten glasses of neat vodka on the rocks. You always fantasized Jaya Bachchan in Leathers and Jeans don’t you? After the shot of vodka, rest assured, Jaya Bachchan will pass off as JLO with equal ease. One quite doesn’t understand how people living in Queens travel all the way to Brooklyn to cry (it requires 2 subway changes around an hour and half journey).

KHNH causes ANORTHOGRAPHY; On the day start you try review write MS on, hands shake not write properly. You tear wish apart movie the, brain responding not still shock to treatment by given SRK, Saif, Preity and. Wish you wanted you this on movie idiotic, but brain your simply let go to refuse. (You wish you wanted to write more on this idiotic movie, but your brain simply refuses to let go. You wish to say the New york and Naina, both look good and are saving grace, but your brain refuses to do so. )

KHNH Causes MENTAL REGRESSION; Any similarities with Prem’s review on MPDKH should simply be ignored and attributed to multiple counts of multiple variations of neural, muscle and brain diseases. Rather you are safer to read that review and have a good laugh than accumulate more diseases than you already have.

If you are willing to experience any of the diseases mentioned above, a compulsory viewing of KHNH is necessary.