Jan 01, 2004 04:18 PM
3700 Views
(Updated Jan 02, 2004 08:13 AM)
Kal Ho Na Ho - but today I did it! No matter how much I promised myself that nothing in this world would ever make me watch another Shahrukh movie but I just had to make this ultimate sacrifice.. to save some lives, my own life actually.(What? You don’t believe me? M2M for details please). And all this in the name of friendship!
KHNH - but today I have learnt something from my screen angel SRK. No matter how ill I shall be, suffering from terminal heart ailments and kinds but I shall make it a point to poke my ugly nose in everyone else’s business, barging into their homes & kitchen, reading private letters of my neighbours, singing and dancing for all age groups whether occasion calls for it or not and basically trying to get into their good books (as well as on the audience’s nerves) by portraying that undying (literally) goody goody overly charming sweet sick (what an oxymoron on a stupid moron, wah RJ!)guy . And all this in the name of spreading cheer and laughter!
KHNH - but today I know because of SRK that no matter how much I poke fun at my dumb audience by repeating again and again all my alleged histrionics specialties - face crinkling, eyebrow dances, weeporial motor disorders, same old casanova bravados and trademark hamming - to reduce their movie going experience to a mere joke, they shall still keep appreciating me. And all this in the name of acting!
KHNH - but today I realize that no matter how smart, witty and intelligent a girl I may be, I still need to get into (or is it out of?) red skimpy dresses, endorse Nerolac paints on my face and switch to contact lenses & open hair combination to get noticed.. just like screen diva Priety. No matter if the whole world and their uncles are shouting hoarse about progressive thinking, equal chances etc but like in all other Karan Johar movies, I simply have to ignore my other positives and undergo a complete metamorphosis into a glam doll and act as a subservient ‘dasi’ in order to MAKE a guy fall in love with me. I shall also let guys play with my feelings and trample over me anyway they want and still have a heart big enough to forgive and eyes big enough to flood Rajasthan deserts. And all this taught by a male angel in the name of Love!
KHNH - but today I want to play that goof headed silly oaf role like Saif.. no matter even if only for the nth number of time. No matter if his chemistry with the leading lady is zilch, but he shall keep the sparks flying for an irritating moron to look very convincing in all the bedroom shots, I Love You hugs and even hospital deathbed! If I were Saif then it shall also not matter to me if the same moron came between my relations with a beautiful lass, constantly brainwashed us that it was not friendship but love, yet make her fall for him first and then - just for a change from his other regular movies - returns her back to me repacked like an unopened gift. And all this in the name of sacrifice!
KHNH - but today I understand from Karan Johar (or whoever that ghost director was) that no matter how exasperating on the audience, it is still necessary to have hundreds of irrelevant jarring characters, illogical and totally out of the way subplots, nerve grating song and dance rituals, references and revelations to the producer’s private life by means of homo jokes and an NRI set up with a pseudo Indianness spewed across that will make the audience flock into the theatres. And all this in the name of a movie!
KHNH - but today no matter how much I try to appreciate the baseline ‘live your life to the fullest because tomorrow is uncertain’ but this movie compels me to take a different stance.. that its good to have better hopes for tomorrow, desperate hopes that there are no such dismal movies ever made in future, that tomorrow doesn’t disappoint like today did with this stupid flick and.. and.. err hmm.. and that Tomorrow Never Dies! (Ok, that last part was just showing off my knowledge in Bond movies) The only word of compliment I can give this movie is that SRK didn’t bug me as much as he did in his Chalte Chalte. This time that credit goes to.. 2 annoying brats, 1 terrorizing granny, 1 faltoo line maaro Dara Singh, 1 erstwhile good actress but now testing your patience Jaya Bachchan, 2 vulgar friends, 1 fainting servant and 1 discordant gujju couple.. well, I should have simply said the entire cast. And all this in the name of entertainment!
KHNH - but today no matter whether you were counting how many times I used ‘how much’ ‘but’ and ‘no matter’ in this review, but when you watch such no matter movies, no matter how much you would like to refrain but you will end up writing such no matter reviews anyway. So no matter really. And all this in the name of a review!
Final word of advice, Kal Ho Na Ho - par isse dekhkar kam se kam apne aaj ko toh mat bigaado!
