A FOREWORD
Finally, I saw Kahin na kahin koi hain on my 20 year old SONY television. That television can give Rambo from First Blood a run for his money in matters of endurance. 20 years of rigorous use(my father bought it in 1982), a careless user(that's me), the moisture in the air(I live in Versova, on the western coast of Bombay) and finally the (fl)awful programs that it has to run nowadays! The TV has seen it all.....and shown it all! However, the most dreadful program was without doubt Kahin na kahin koi hain.
My TV is still running!
MY BELIEF
I have always preferred love marriages to arranged marriages. The day my eight month old becomes 21 year old, and tells me that he is in love with some girl, I will shout at him, blame him, curse him, lock him in a room....and then go out with my wife and enjoy a champagne bottle!
The whole system of arranged marriage is wrong. The boy comes along with his family and a friend, who in turn see the exhibit, that is the girl, in the best sari and with kilos of makeup on her face. Then the boy and girl are left alone to talk for a few minutes where they have to judge each other and make their life's biggest decision, while the parents sit and talk about their ancestors. Then once the families like each other, and the victims like each other, then the settlement begins. Trash!
THE REVIEW
Kahin na kahin koi hain takes this idea of arranged marriage to a new peak of ridiculousness. Looking at the pretty hostess of the show Miss Madhuri Nene(ok,ok! Make that Mrs.Madhuri Nene-sigh! Thanks JeDI), she seems to have taken up from where she left off in Hum Aapke hain kaun.
I accidentally stumbled upon on this show when I was surfing the channels yesterday evening.
(I generally end up in all the mess)
I saw Madhuritai flashing her million dollar smile, talking to a young girl, amidst some classy props. A superb set, with expensive draperies, comfy sofas.....
(Hey wait a minute! I could vaguely make out some human statues sitting on the sofa.)
For the life of me I could not understand the objective behind having statues sitting on a sofa. And then suddenly one statue actually twitched!
(Oh ok! They are actually humans....not props!)
Further persistance revealed that the people sitting on the sofa were the girl's parents and some uncle.
(Ok, Maddy, you are getting the whole setup)
Then suddenly, they started showing some clippings about a boy, who looked like a man, was a computer software professional and who had applied for a role. Then they showed him talking about his expectations in his would-be wife. Suddenly they showed another man who couldn't stop raving about him and his good nature. He was his father.
(Well, that explains it!)
After all this, the boy-cum-man entered the set with his parents. Madhuri introduced both the families, and then led the young couple to a swing.
(Swing....hmmm! Is it symbolic with the song Aayega aanewala?)
The elderly people were left alone to discuss god-knows-what with each other.
I will leave you alone now- said Madhuritai and left.
(Hey Madhuri? What are we supposed to do? Shut off our TV sets? Well....)
''What do you want in your life partner?'' asked a shy masculine voice.
(Hey Maddy....that is the boy-cum-man speaking. So what if he is shy? Idiot!)
''Well, he should be understanding.''-the girl.
(The one mandatory sentence in every arranged marriage criteria. He should be understanding!)
''What are your hobbies- I know one?''- a confident feminine voice.
(Wow....now this girl is of today's times)
''Which one?''- a confused male voice.
(Now, this chap can make a really good husband.....confused!)
''Mimicry''- the girl laughs.
The girl asks him to mimic Dharmendra. The chap does that with absolute honesty. Then he does a Dev Anand item.
(Hey, this is turning out to be a multi-entertainment show.)
Dev Anand's mimicry brings Madhuritai back on the screen.
(This Dev Anand can really attract girls.)
Madhuri asks Mr.Groom how he liked the girl. His answer is very vague.
(What else do you expect when all he did was display his mimicry skills to a perfect stranger?)
Now comes the time for Groom no.2.
(Oh ok.....so it's a swayamvar? Why don't they just advertise it as Compete and win! First prize, a wife! All participants get to meet Madhuri Dixit and guess what? A free ride on our swing!)
Again the viewer is taken through the clippings, where the groom tells us about his gym interests. This time instead of the father, his sister raves about her brother.
(For variety???)
The whole cycle is repeated and Madhuri leads the new groom and the same bride to the swing.
I will leave you alone now- says Madhuritai and leaves.
(This time I just laughed. Naughty cameraman won't leave! Hehheh!)
The second candidate is a bit bold. He talks about his girlfriends and dates and smoking and drinking. The girl has no problems.
(Even my wife was like that till.....till she became my wife!)
''What are your expectations?''- the expected question from the boy.
''He must be understanding''- the expected answer.
''I am not!'' the boy said rudely.
''I did not mean you!''
(Hey...this girl is smart!)
''What else?'' - the boy.
''He must love me immensely.''
(Picturise your Maddy with one raised eyebrow, whistling!)
''Must love you immensely?'' -the boy stutters.
''Yes''.
''And if he does not?''
''I will make sure he does!''
(Wow.....hey keep going! By the way, where are we headed?)
Madhuri appears with a broom.
(Madhuri Nay-Nay! Sigh!)
All this time the statues on the sofa are discussing about each other. But that is really not important, is it?
Finally, Madhuri comes and tells us to think about what will be the bride's decision. Shubh ratri!
MY VIEWS
Well, according to me, marriages are too personal a thing to be displayed in all the living rooms of the nation....and neighbouring nations. The whole thing seems staged. No one is normal. Either they are in awe of the great actress, or they assume an over-careless attitude. I feel that arranged marriages, if performed, should have a trusted mediator, whom the girl's family knows for years. After all, a girl or a boy for that matter, are not show items. Their whole lives depend upon this one lifetime decision. It did do the prospective brides and grooms a world of good if the producers of this comedy show do not hold the lives of so many girls and boys at stake to meet their weekly deadline.
Comments are welcome!
