So you hated Kabhi Khushi Kabhi Gham. How dare you. You have no feelings/sensitivity. You enclose a stone in your rib cage. Nitric acid flows in your veins. And worse still you know nothing about loving your parents.
This movie has become a benchmarking standard among unbearably bad movies, Whenever I tell someone, ''XYZ movie is awful'' they ask me ''Is it worse than K3G?'' That immediately sends me into a mind-numbing reminder of that tormenting nightmare called K3G, we had willfully submitted ourselves to. But it is high time someone took up cudgels for this movie, and I certainly shall.
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My Request: View the immense service Karan Johar has done to the scientific community researching tears (If any exisits)
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In this study, (calling it a mere movie is an insult to this extensively researched dissertation) Karan Johar gives an original, highly informative, engaging, and otherwise beautifully fascinating treatise on tear formation. With a fluid style and an astonishingly vast reach; encompassing class, creed, gender, age Johar tearfully explores how crying is conducted
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Startlingly real depiction of tears
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Observe in excruciating details:-
How weeping people contract the muscles around their eyes during prolonged crying.
The facial contortions that occur prior to shedding a tear drop.
The way the droplet wells up and forms in the eye till it assumes a large spherical shape.
The manner in which it plops out tracing its path from the eyes down the cheeks till the chin, from where it dangles momentarily and drops off splashing on a being hugged co-actor’s face, neck or clothes.
All immeasurably helpful material in tear research. Never before has any camera captured details as minute as intricate as this.
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Johar successfully shatters a few myths about tears
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Myth 1] There exists gender distinctions in tears with women crying more than men
Erstwhile scientific studies state that 70% of men cry in a manner in which their eyes merely fill with tears. Obviously, the men in K3G belong to the other 30%, since they have streams running down their faces all the time.
Also K3G debunks all previous theories that testosterone inhibits crying. Such hormonal effects miraculously evaporate in Karan Johar's world as the men (as the women) in this movie weep like fountains.
Myth 2] People cry more in their childhood and then as they are geriatric
No way. Here everyone cries in uniform quantities, i.e. incessantly. Age is no barrier. Children aged 7, teenagers, young adults, middle aged, octogenarians all cry equally.
Myth 3] There are class/occupational/geographical differences in crying
Not in K3G. A Mithaiwala cries, an industrialist cries, a nanny cries, people in Chandni Chowk cry as much as Londoners, Indians, Brits they all weep buckets. You see crying is universal and sensitive men like Karan Johar dedicate a 3.5 hour long film to it
I WANT TO TEAR MY HAIR OUT
Where is the story? Do film makers think that by packing a plotless, ostentatious melodrama with loads of glamour, they can get away without something basic that a film needs - an engrossing story.
Moreover, the stars were all only made to weep weep and weep more
Shahrukh Khan: Weeps in a manner last seen in jilted damsels of the 18th century.
Hrithik Roshan: Ditto.
Kareena Kapoor: I was way too distracted by her lack of garments to focus on her role, acting or relevance to the movie.
Jaya Bachchan: According to her, acting is reduced to prolonged crinkling of the face, dissolving into tears and sobbing inconsolably. Her misconceptions are validated by those magazine awards for best supporting actress.
Statutory Warning: Stuffing cotton wool in your ears is advisable whenever Kajol is around. Of course she should never, repeat never feel a shred of shame or guilt, to possibly collect awards for screaming herself hoarse the very same year Tabu excelled in Chandni Bar (or even Amisha Patel in Gadar).
Amitabh Bachchan walked out of Mohabatein right into K3G just additionally draping some sickeningly rich shawl on himself. Supposedly grand and royal, he appears to be secretly laughing at the things he is made to do in the movie. The poor old man is even made to sing Aati Kya Khandala to Jaya in the presence of a giggle herself silly Rani Mukherjee. Witty!?!?
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But which poor actor is to blame when the Captain of the ship is Karan Johar?
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He makes his men wear chunnies, and all he can think of in terms of movie making is dancing at weddings, karva chauths, sagais, etc This has been played again and again, ever since Hum Aapke Hain Kaun, film-makers Are stuck in the same old groove not willing to think out of their stuffed hats. Where is the novelty, the originality of thought and ideas? Sorely lacking, and what is being done instead is the peddling of outdated themes, regressive stories and associated drivel.
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The scenes I hated the most
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When Farida Jalal (lord have mercy on your children) ties Hrithik Roshan's shoe lace and agonized us saying, “Mera baba aa gaya” seven times, choking more at each repetition.
The camera lingering protractedly on the tears on Jaya’s and Shahrukh’s face as they hug each other before he leaves home, and the two grandmothers continuously weeping were the sorriest sights in Indian cinema for years to come
Use of helicopters for routine travel.
Words and sentences which were supposed to be real cool n hip in the movie. Chhaddo (Punju for ‘forget it’), Whatever/ Cool/ Wicked, D.J.- Short for daija. (Hurry… Panic… I need a puke bag)
Songs, yes Suraj hua madham-beautifully tuned by Sandesh Shandilya and soulfully rendered by Sonu Nigam. Yet, catch his shivering vocals in his rendition of the title track song to convey the pathos. Eeaarrgh!!!!
If you still think the movie wasn't all that bad, allow me to remind you of the piece de resistance. Alok Nath.
