It's all about loving your tigers. Review on Kaal

One fine day, Karan Johar had just about had it.

He was simply tiredof people laughing at his angels in disguise. He was sick of the sniggers which follow the rona-dhona that according to him, expresses the love for parents, friends and everybody else in his flicks. He was tremendously hurt when he saw his audience yawning when yet another debate on friendship-love-friendship- er, whatever-it-is broke out. He felt ignored when the whole world was raving about the next generation of directors who are attempting to make ‘different’movies, with ‘different’themes and ‘different’treatments.

Karan said ‘Me too’ and jumped in the bandwagon.

It was easy. Help and inspiration were nearby in the form of Ram Gopal Verma.

Karan must have wondered what it is about this man that makes everyone respect him as a filmmaker. Not every movie of his is a hit (some are total misses) and yet, there’s no stopping him. He just goes and does exactly what he pleases. He does not care about the mass appeal, star value or item numbers. No sugary sweetness, no candyfloss romances and wonders of wonders, no Shahrukh Khan !

Karan Johar decided to go global, cross-bred Vaastu Shastra, Bhoot and Dhoom, pulled along some fancy sounding terms like ‘National geographic’ and ‘Save the tiger’ and lo behold ! Kaal was born.

Karan might have thought of some catch phrase like 'It's all about loving your tigers' but hastily decided against it. After all, he was entering the thriller genre - no cheesiness here. Now it's time to be ‘different’, to pull in the generation X, to show whoever needs to be shown that Karan Johar has it in him to be funky, slick and zany.

Roll out the red carpet. Enter the new Karan Johar, not to be left behind when the winds of change are sweeping Bollywood.

But then Karan is well, sigh, Karan. He can’t change – not much , anyway.

So a well established star cast has to be a part of his project. Get Vivek Oberoi, John Abraham, Esha Deol (both post Dhoom) and Lara Dutta. An item-number with jhatkas which Karan hopes would be played in parties, shaadis and mundans. And please, don’t forget that choreography by Farah Khan. All this and a borrowed ex-assistant of RGV as the director, some unexpected noises, some murders, some suspense and a lot of false alarms.

That was Karan’s vision that took shape in my room some nights before when I settled to watch it. I was looking for the tigers – I did not find them. Not much anyway. I was looking for some man-eater – apparently, that was not the idea. I felt cheated. Lots of questions, plenty of wild guesses, chills and thrills. And here comes the climax !

The climax ! Did I shudder ? Did I tremble ? No. All I felt was that I had been taken on a trip and dropped from the sky with no safety net to catch me. And boy, was the fall painful !

What, oh, what was wrong with simple logic that KJ had to make such a mess of it ? He pulled out the oldest trick in the world and it’s not scary, just hilarious. You may either laugh or you may just roll your eyes heavenwards. I did the latter.

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Performances :

Ajay Devgan :What a waste of a fine talent here – surely, this wonderful actor deserves much more. He has to look spooky and menacing and he does just that. Was I imagining or was he looking rather amused with everything that was going on around him ?

John Abraham :No complaints here – he is so handsome that I’ll forgive him for coming up with a no-show. However, my take on his actor is that he is simply getting stereotyped as this tall, hunky guy who can look intense and very little else.

Vivek Oberoi :Well, he better buck up and put on those acting shoes real fast, or he will be reduced to being only Ash’s boyfriend. And while he is at it, he should put on his thinking cap too – remember those days when he was the next big thing when he gave that terrific performance in ‘Company’. A distant memory, isn’t it !

Lara Dutta and Esha Deol :Screams ! More screams ! And more screams ! Running around harum-scarum through the jungle in mini skirts that defy gravity ! Typical female helpnessness – wringing of hands, terrified expressions and dumb blonde acts.

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Finally :

KJ, go back to what you do best - SRK, soniye-mahiye songs, friendship-love dilemmas, tears and smiles-through-tears, martyrs, and angels. Leave the slick themes for the RGVs of the industry. Amen !