Ramsay brothers in Jurassic park. Review on Kaal

Story or rather non-story in brief

Mysterious deaths in Orbit national park. Suspected man eating tiger(s). Wildlife experts from Nat Geo sent to Orbit to investigate attacks. Also bunch of city dudes out for spot of fun armed with a .22 pistol, a superstitious bimbo, hazaar attitude and no brains. The menage meet up in Orbit courtesy a few accidents which one wishes had wiped out this gang as well. Thankfully, a mysterious predator decides to do just that, viz., polish off the morons which it does in suitably gruesome 'off with their heads' fashion. Panic sets in but rains mean that roads are shut off. Enter black clad man, Kali Pratap Singh offering to help them get away. KPS is a bit like a masculine Cassandra and equally popular with the audience. Do they escape or not? Well, the good news is that 2 more kick it but the others get away, alas. No doubt saved up to be served in a sequel with a stewed apple in their mouths and watercress and sliced onions on the side, along with the immortal Kali Pratap Singh. Burp, amen. And BTW, the tigers had nothing to do with it.

The mind boggles to think that National Geographic, that doyen of wildlife films and research are actually endorsing or at least seem to be partnering in production of this terrible movie.

There are so many imponderables and holes in the movie that FTII can devote an entire course of film non-appreciation to it.

The portrayal of characters and their actions is the biggest mystery in this movie.

Krish (John Abraham) is a 'tiger expert' and his wife Riya (Esha Deol) is an 'ace wildlife photographer'. One presumes this means they have been in natural wildlife habitats before and not seen animals purely thru the bars of a zoo. But the behaviour of K and spouse is anything but.

Consider,

a) Krish, the Nat Geo man, seems to have no environmental sensitivity. He is constantly smoking inside the park and even in the grasslands which are just hay. Remember, the rains havent hit yet and the grass is probably dry.

b) Krish displays zip, zero, nil jungle lore. One never sees him reading trail or in any way displaying his 'tiger expertise'. He looks as if he knows bugger all about jungles and wild life.

He never follows any rules of the jungle. He takes no precautions, has no protection, wears wrong clothing, is in the wrong company and so on and on. Note that this is supposed to be an area where there are one or more man eating tigers.

c) Surely an agency like Nat Geo will have tie-ups with park officialdom so that Krish can do his 'research'. Apparently not. Krish lands up just like any other eco-tourist and seemingly equally at sea.

d) Riya looks as if she is ready to do an item number at any moment but not actually use a camera, supposedly her vocation. Her clothing is wildly inappropriate for a jungle consisting of a top that shows cleavage and a bottom that shows leg.

e) And in general, K and R dont seem to have appropriate gear for wildlife work. Not even water bottles, suitable long legged clothing (insects, leeches, thorns in shrubs, poisonous creatures) or anything that reflects on their purported expertise.

f) At all times they look deeply unhappy being there which is p'hap a true reflection of their actual bewilderment.

g) Since that was their 'mission', Krish and Riya should have been trying to research the tiger attacks. But neither does anything on these lines. Krish just hangs around looking intense and sucking deeply on a cigarette while Riya, well, is like Mona Darling in a jungle.

Why? why? why?

Then we come to Captain Kong, his merry men and Maid Marion. In other words, an immensely irritating Vivek Oberoi, his sidekicks and a miscast Lara Datta. It is true that such people exist and many land up in wildlife parks. But surely, surely they can be depicted better and not as going about wildly brandishing tiny bore pistols, being unspeakably rude to everyone, constantly uttering inane pap from Vivek's 'cut the crap' to Lara's moans about black cats and bad luck. Thankfully some of the audiences prayers soon comes true and one after another of this gang become part of the food chain.

There are some positives in the movie, beautiful locales, decent camerawork and the 'all is quiet followed by a sudden crash of sound' effect, that doesnt lose in effectiveness though you know its headed your way. The best way to enjoy the movie is consider it a spoof and then it becomes great fun. I reached this conclusion after 30 minutes of spectating and thus managed to have a good time in the remaining 2 hours.

While the cast appear poorly, I think the blame doesnt attach to them. At least some, such as Devgun and Oberoi are capable of better performances but couldnt get going in this concoction.