I dont know why I'm writing about this but I just watched the Balle Balle Boys dish out a rather cool music video for a song titled CHAK DE SATURDAY. Watching the matrix style video must have brainwashed me but I must tell you this - this video deserves the best indian music video award.
As for that television serial that did a good job of boosting Sony's ratings, all I can do is sport a QUESTION MARK over my head and say ''WHAT THE ahem coff coff WENT WRONG??''
Time to figure this one out. (the text has been chopped short for your convenience)
The Plot
You all know the plot. What was good about the whole thing was the feel good factor. Theres this nice chick in braces and spectacles who still believes that trees are made of cotton candy and the streets are paved with gold (the only thing close to gold on the streets these days is dog poop).
Messy... er Jassi works at a fashion joint where you find the rather pretty yet nasty Mallika Seth and a couple of blokes who have an eye on Jassi. This babe frames Jassi and gives her lots of grief. Jassi decides to go underground, drop the braces, do a make over and comes back looking all pretty. All this is cool. She even becomes a top class model and gets her way with everyone including the notorious Mallika Seth. The quest is to prove her innocence so Jassi who's now Jassica starts to snoop around to discover a way to do so. Blah blah blah...
Mallika Seth, with her heart of ice, does an encore and Jassica gets framed. For what?? For murdering Jassi!! The cops dont give jack whether they find a body or not. So Jassica is arrested for her own murder (technically if one murders oneself then one wont be alive to go to jail for one's murder).
In comes a ruthless lawyer who's been paid a pile by Mallika Seth to make sure Jassica is in for life (or even death). The idiot keeps quoting ''the point to be noted is....'' which is as interesting a line as getting a penicilin shot on one's bottom. The courtroom drama starteth.
The judge is a Satyen Kapoo wannabe who looks like he has some control over the court. The only glitch being, even he doesnt ask for a body. How can there be a crime without a dead body. Are we Indians pretty low in IQ? Anyway, pretty moot point... on with the show.
In all the melee, Mallika Seth confesses to have framed Jassi. Weird thing is, that seems to be of no significance at that point. Then Jassica confesses and tells the planet that she's Jassi. Her folks believe her, her friends believe her... her boyfriend steps into a self pity phase and starts scolding her and ranting in court. Idiot! Hasnt he heard of contempt of court?
Lots of BS happens in the court. The ruthless lawyer does his best to ensure that Jassica gets 300 years in jail. Jassica isnt good enough to defend herself as the only law she knows is Newton's third law ''what goes up must come down'' (or something like that).
Finally, the close circle gets a bright idea - Hire a real cool lawyer to fight the ruthless lawyer and put him in his place. The ruthless lawyer is batting at 300 not out. He fought 300 cases - won 299 and in the case of the one he didnt win - no one turned up at court because they were chicken of him - so he won by default. Jassi's friends go and get a lady lawyer who's got a perfect track record as well. She falls for all the self righteous BS that Jassi's boyfriend - ARMOAN... er Armaan dishes out.
Now we have two qualified lawyers battling it out. After all the to and fro - the ruthless lawyer says ''WE NEED PROOF NOT SOB STORIES''. Dude, you dont even have a dead body to prove that Jassica committed murder and you are demanding proof? Finally Jassica does a houdini act and reappears all dressed up and looking like Jassi. BOINGGGG.... the case goes 180 degrees. The ruthless lawyer is sweating. Mallika Seth is sweating. The audience is sweating. Right now even I'm sweating from typing all this trash.
The ruthless lawyer goes back to his spiel and says ''THIS IS NOT A FANCY DRESS PARTY'' (which I must say is the coolest thing he's uttered all day). He barks ''WE NEED PROOF''. Suddenly, lover boy emerges with home videos of Jassi's makeover.
The judge sees the tapes and finally realizes that India is his country and all Indians are brothers and sisters (which is pretty silly because Indians do marry Indians). He declares that Jassi is free to go and Mallika Seth needs a spanking as she has been a real naughty girl.
The whole world rejoices. The audience is happy as there has been a happy ending and justice has prevailed. Jassi is on her way out of court with her lawyer and the rest of the entourage.
We think this is it... the tale has ended... when all of a sudden you hear a KAPLAMMMM.... Jassi has been shot!!!!!!
What next....
While Jassi battles for life... the producers decide to beef up the whole thing. They call the writers and ask them to thicken the plot. So here starteth the investigation segment - who on earth shot Jassi? and who do they call to help with the investigations???
The retards from that serial C.I.D
In come three huge individuals brandishing revolvers even in their own office. The boss is laying down some rules - get the dude who shot Jassi and get him by sunset. The three buffed dudes do a slow motion walk out of the C.I.D office, still brandishing revolvers (the GOON, the MAD and the UGLY).
They do some sleuthing in a rather mechanical way and bully some individuals. Then they find a vital clue or two with the help of that 'adorable' lad Nandu, put two and two together and make seven and eventually find the culprit - some imbecile called Romeo.
After some torture which looked more like a massage therapy, Romeo spills the beans that he didnt want to shoot Jassi. He was actually aiming at the lawyer but since he had flunked shooting lessons in school, he missed her and hit Jassi.
Everyones happy that it was just an honest mistake.
Whats coming up after all this
According to the previews, Jassi and Armoan do a dance sequence for 30 minutes to finish the next episode. Jassi who started off with braces is now in scintillating red Mandira Bedi style sarees (or is it a Ghagra Choli heh heh... I cant tell).
Why did I write all this?
For one reason alone... why do they stretch something that could have ended on a graceful note? Why insult the public's intelligence? Good television programs dont have to have every single ingredient that makes up a Bollywood Movie. The show was going pretty ok till that courtroom sequence that stretched on and on.
All in all, they wrecked a pretty ok serial.
So go watch Discovery Channel and save yourself the grief. Peace.
~finis~
Todays Trivia: Did you know that every serial on Sony have the same sound effects?
