Dec 14, 2005 07:38 PM
4484 Views
(Updated Jan 24, 2006 04:37 PM)
Hey folks,
This is a piece that I had worked upon almost three months back. However, it never was published. I am sharing it with you guys. (some of you already have read this one). I hope it helps at least one couple.
rgds,
RV.
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Let’s begin on a funny note. Mr. and Mrs. X are vacationing at a village. They see cattle mating. Mrs X gets curious and asks the farmer, “How many times in a day does this bull want to do it?” The farmer answers, “Almost four or five times.” Mrs X chuckles and asks the farmer to tell this to her husband. Mr. X gets upset and says, “Does this bull always goes back to the same cow?”, the farmer answers, “ Nope, never, he always skips to a new one.”
This is the story of marriage. Jokes apart, marriages are not all about sex and yet a major chunk gets drawn to it for sex. Certainly a case for yes and a no!
Of all the species on earth only humans gets married. Is this statistic not a wonder in itself? It implies that it is not just sex that forces two persons from the opposite sex to exchange vows and spend a lifetime together. Then why do men and women get married? And when they do get married why do marriages fail?
Why get married?
You are young, got a job, car, house and your parents think its time for you to tie the knot. Are these reasons enough for people to get tied up in matrimony? Probably not. Marriage as an institution is beyond that. Most people initiate marriage in order to stay together and share the various degrees of emotional and intimate encounters of life. For singletons marriage brings to them a companion and they are freed from loneliness. However this is not the only one, a couple of other reasons like financial security, love and sex hold equal importance. This is why prospective brides and groom weigh all pros and cons before saying yes.
Says an established sexologist (have not revealed the name to protect identity) “People marry for two reasons. They are looking for security and satisfaction. Sexual satisfaction still forms the major chunk for most to get married.”
These and some other may be the reason why anyone would like to get married. However it should not be confused with the purpose of marriage – which is different.
When do marriages fail?
Failure is a relative term. For some a divorce or separation implies the failure of marriage. But here we are talking of marriages where there is no fun and satisfaction. Couple/s have spent years together but are not emotionally or physically satisfied with each other. Their communication system has broken and they have reached the point of no return. According to Dr XX, “Couples who have been staying together since years but have had no physical interaction and are not emotionally satisfied with each other are perfect examples of having a failed marriage.”
For most women marriage brings them a sense of security – emotional, physical and monetary. While for some men (not true for everyone) it brings them a sense of feeling powerful. When either of the two is unable to extract these feelings, cracks begin to appear and marriage heads toward failure. It is not difficult to notice the symptoms. The husband and wife stop talking to each other (break down of communication), they are no more bothered about each others likes or dislikes, friendship and intimacy has vanished, they get angry at each other often, sexual dissatisfaction, little understanding of the partner’s needs, etc.
When love begins to fade away, it is only the beginning and failure can still be checked. However, once the couple reach the point of no return it is difficult to escape failure. To check failure couples should resolve the issues of dissatisfaction (any kind) by healthy interaction. A marriage has reached a dead end if even communication does not help. In such cases both husband and wife wait for their companions to give them companionship, money, love, sex and solve their problems, and when nothing of the sort happens they end up quarrelling.
There is one important factor why marriages may fail. Dr XX believes that interfering in-laws contribute to breakdown of interpersonal relationship between a couple. “A couple should have enough understanding and trust so not to allow a third person disturb their marriage.”, says Dr XX.
How to turn failure into success?
Talk your way out opines Dr XX. Couples who want to stay put must learn to talk and express what they want. Lack of talking equals lack of caring. Couples should build oneness and intimacy by speaking openly and honestly about important issues in their marriage. Anything that disturbs them should be discussed. Whenever a marriage is in trouble the following should be tried:
“Foreplay begins outside the bed. It starts at the kitchen. It is important to appreciate your partners beauty. Concentrate on what your partner posses instead of what they do not have.” Says Dr. XX. No person is perfect. Everyone has different abilities and different degrees of beauty. It is important to indulge in intimate pillow talks, leave secret intimate notes where the partner will discover them, appreciate the partners beauty, skills, go out for short tripsand vacations, etc. Pillow talks are one of the best ways to increase trust and intimacy.
Successful marriages take a great deal compromise. Marriages that fail during the first few years frequently occur because the two parties cannot make the compromises that are necessary when two separate people begin to live their lives together. However, such breakdown can be mended before it is too late and leads to breakdown in the form of a divorce. However, in the event of a break down the best thing to do is move on. Things happen and it is no big deal. It is important to start afresh than sulk about a broken relationship.
Not all couples are strong enough to dissolve their marriage and as a result may continue to drag a failed relationship for years. This can be traumatic on everyone including the child. So better take care of what you want out of a marriage.
Whatever be the reasons the purpose of marriage is to bring happiness. And in case you are unable to plug loopholes that are leaving you dissatisfied, do not hesitate to seek professional help, suggests Dr XX.
