For the Indian idle. Review on Indian Idol

Caught up with the first episode of Indian Idol yesterday and here are a few stray thoughts (all my own work) (take a bow, Busybee):

(i) I have yet to see a television show with more promotion than Indian Idol. I also have yet to see a reality show with more stage management.

(ii) That everything from the hosting to the judging is quite glaringly hammy. With this I am not insinuating that other reality shows are not hammy. But Indian Idol has a hamminess that you cannot ignore even if you turn off the television.

(iii) That it is absolutely insane to even attempt to believe that the banana-seller fellow in the first episode was a genuine participant. Apparently, all telly viewers are fools, but this is stretching their imagination to its limit.

(iv) And it is equally moronic to believe in that segment with the daughter and her overprotective mother who lambasted the three judges for ousting the daughter. It was clearly writ on their faces that the mother was acting out the part. Come to think of it, the mother acted well; enough to give some of our screen-goddesses competition. She should seriously think of taking up acting.

(v) That the participants are either extremely talented or extremely dumb. There are no grey areas in between. This would have worked, if it hadn’t been touted that the participants are from all strata of society.

(vi) And even if the participants are downright non-talented, it is embarrassing for us viewers to see them being reprimanded by the judges, who happen to be Anu Malik, Sonu Nigam and Farah Khan.

(vii) And this wouldn’t have jarred if the judges were of the caliber of Lata Mangeshkar and Asha Bhonsle, or even Udit Narayan and Alka Yagnik. By the way, what is Farah Khan doing in a singing competition? As far as I know, she is only known for her twinkle-toes and now, for her dubitable directorial capabilities. But singing? Nah, give me a break. However she might bring a certain Mr. Khan on the show in one of its specials to mouth ‘Main Hoon Na’ and increase TRPs. But this idea must be stale, as the head honchos of the show must have already thought of it.

(viii) And I also remember people shutting their ears when Anu Malik would threaten them with singing at parties. One of those jibes in the programme could be very well directed at Mr. Malik himself.

(ix) And Mr. Nigam really sings well and is a favourite of many in our country. But is he a capable judge? Well that might justify itself in the forthcoming episodes. And I am still horrified to think Mr. Nigam might just show his middle finger to one of the unworthy participants, the way he did to the whole nation on the posters of his film Love in Nepal.

(x) That this show makes me nostalgic for Channel [V] Popstars, which was the most authentic talent-hunt show in India. The participants were genuine, the judges did not ooze out the air of I-know-it-all, and it was all a fair game of frolic. And their outcomes, Viva and Aasmaa were actually talented.

(xi) That two or three fellows on yesterday’s episode really had talent. But, unfortunately I cannot remember their names, because the show is so pompous it does not display the names of the participants. We are just forced to listen to an anonymous person (and, most hilariously, vote preciously for him in the future).

(xii) That I have not seen the parent show, American Idol, and cannot decide whether that is fortunate or not. But I am very sure that was a genuine talent competition and not a mega fracas like this Indian counterpart.

(xiii) Like the only point irritating me yet is that the channel decided to replace Jassi Jaisi Koi Nahin with this meaningless jamboree; and obeyed the whining of Ekta Kapoor and kept her Kkusum untouched. As far as the people I know are concerned, Kkusum can be replaced with almost any show in the world. And that holds true for any of Ms Kapoor’s programmes.

(xiv) That since Jassi is not going to be aired on Thursdays, my evening weekend partying now begins from Thurday itself, till better sense prevails in the heads of Sony bosses. Jassi is the only serial worth having a television set for.

(xv) That the last two points have nothing to do with Indian Idol, but I am just itching to say that if anyone could be the Indian Idol, it would be a certain bespectacled woman called Jasmeet Walia (though everyone may not agree with me here).

(xvi) Also that Sony is not lucky in its talent hunt shows. Do you remember a certain Swayamwar which could not be salvaged even with the ebullient charms of Ms Madhuri Dixit? This genre should be left to Channel [V].

(xvii) And I am sure the number of viewers will decrease from the second episode itself; for they will realize they are being taken for a ride and will just use the remote. I, on the contrary, will give the show a few more episodes, for I am free this month of Diwali vacations.

(xviii) But I am also sure that a few of us lesser mortals will still diligently switch on the telly at 9:30 p.m. every Thursday evening and enjoy themselves, for if you remove all these flaws, the show is edited crisply and quite racy. And also, we Indians love to make a song and dance about singing and dancing.