I started well. Wrote two smashing controversial reviews. Let me do a hatrick today.
You see one another purpose of the devil is to call a spade a spade, to dehyponitize u people. U see we are all people trapped in a Matrix. A Matrix of illusion, we don’t let our heart speak and do what is socially acceptable and politically correct. I want to change that, that’s my whole purpose. I consider myself as Neo, to save u from the Matrix.
What I am going to write below is a masterpiece. One of the best works that could be on MS. Though my alterego told me to write it as a normal person, I am taking a chance. Eventhough I have landed in the bad books of many people, I am still risking a good review in the hands of a bad person.
Introduction
Like I said above we all do, say and behave what is politically correct. One fine day a devil comes by casts a spell and changes everything. People think and do everything as there heart tells them, as there instincts tell them. In this confusion Jassi goes to audition for Indian Idol lets see how it goes
J: Jassi
A: Aman Verma
M: Mini
[In the Lobby]
A: Aah finally I reached the Indian idol lobby, I hate this show, I get to do the dirty work and get paid like shiet, the judges take all the dough, where is Mini.
M: Hi Aman, do u know many stars are coming today here Jassi, Shah rukh, Hritik, Saif.
A: Jassi, she aint no star, she is a pseudo star. Anyways u look smashing today Mini, oo la la …how u doin.
M: Pretty okay, u are quite a charmer Aman.
A: Yea I am, but not so with my wife, anyways u know I have been hitting on u since day one, all I want from this show is that I can sleep with u.
M: yea I though of sleeoing with u too, u are quite cute, but something tells me u have a small dick.
A: yea I have a small dick and u have small tits !
Then Jassi walks in.
M: Jassi is here.
A: Oo she is more ugly then I thought.
M: Hi Jassi
J: hi Mini, hi aman, how u doin Aman
A: I was fine till now, so wassup
J: I have come to audition for Indian idol.
Both laughs. Everyone laughs in the lobby.
Jassi’s turn comes. Jassi walks in.
Jassi (thinking): oo I am nervous. Sonu is looking smashing, Anu is shiet as usual, Farah is fat as a pig, why doesn’t she loose weight even though she dances so much.
Farah: Hi Jassi, u look ugly as usual.
J: And u are a bitch as usual. How u doin Sonu.
Sonu: I am married Jassi, don’t hit on me. Anyone chalo sing.
Jassi sings, she sings like Lata mageshkar, dances like Helen.
Anu: You sange well Jassi.
J: thank u , uncleji.
All judges whispher among themselves. Finally Sonu speaks for them all,
Sonu: You see Jassi, u sang like Lata, danced like Helen, but I am sorry it is judges anonymous decision that u cannot go to the next level.
J: Why ?
Anu: Oh come on Jassi u know why ?
J: No.
All the three Judges: Because you are ugly that’s why !!!
Jassi leaves the room crying.
M: What happened inside ?
J: I didn’t get selected.
A: I told you Mini, I win the bet.
M: Why Jassi, you sing like Lata.
J: Because I am ugly.
M: Ya, ya that’.s right. But you could have made passes to the judges and all that.
Everyone laughs as soon as Mini finishes the last sentence. Just then Saif comes.
Saif: What happened Jassi ? Oh come one don’t cry , you look even more ugly than my wife when you cry.
J: I didn’t get selected cause I am ugly.
Saif: Oh…okay. But I will tell you a joke and that would make u laugh again.
Saif tells a joke. No one laughs. Saif tells another joke. Only a dog somewhere houls, actually the dog is cursing Saif and pleading him to stop,.
Jassi: Saif stop it no one thinks you are funny.
Saif starts to cry. Shah rukh comes in.
SK: Wassup people ?jS ..S ….S …Saif why are u crying darling !!
Saif: I am not funny sharukhie.
SK: I…i…i….i know …I …I …know. I thought I was cause your wife left you.
Saif: No my wife didn’t leave me I left her.
J: Why ?
Saif: Cause it’s a style nowadays, Azhar did it, Aamir did it, Sajay Dutt did it. God you are the only one with a wife , a ugly childhood sweetheart ! why sharukhie why ?
SK: oh come one u know Saif.
J: No tell us.
SK: cause I am married to hide my homosexuality. My marriage is a sham…to hide that I am gay.
Hritik walks in.
Hritik: Hi, whats up people. Is farah in there.
J: Yes why ?
H: well my last installment of pleasuring her is left.
M: What ?
H: well I promised to bed her 5 times so that she teaches me a good dance step in ek paal ka jeena.
A: oh casting couch. Ouch. I must try that.
SK: Oh forget it aman…u have a small dick.
A: How do u know ?
SK: you forgot that night Aman. These man na !
H: Anyways wassup ?
Saif: He is another one who is still with his childhood sweetheart.
H: Oh that..that is because my brother-in-law Zayed and Tipu Sultan have warned me that if I divorce her they would leak out my secreat !
J:What secreat ?
Hritik takes off his wig and shows his bald head.
Hritik: This one.
Everyone: oh.
