Oh No! Not Again!!!. Review on Handling Hangovers

I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am. It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.

One of my close friends was going abroad for higher studies and threw us a party last Friday evening. Like a typical bachelor, I drank and drank and drank like a giant blue whale(sic) even as my fellow bachelors were all sipping on their drinks like the smaller fry. The atmosphere at the Andheri Recreation Club was fantastic and the presence of a scantily clad lady in her early 20-somethings didn’t help much in slowing down the pace of my frenetic session.

I’ve always been a heavy boozerboy and pride myself for my immense “Cubic Capacity”. I remember having atleast 6 straight shots of rum followed by two rounds of Foster’s. It was only when I woke up late the next morning at around 11 AM did the after-effects of the previous evening’s extravagance strike me with full blast. My face was blown up to twice it’s normal dimensions, my head was experiencing extreme bouts of poundings with sledge hammers, the nauseating feeling simply refused to go away and I was thoroughly dehydrated – in short, I was suffering from a severely monstrous hangover!

As I lay whining in bed, my two flat mates hurriedly called for a conference among themselves and chalked out a strategy to relieve me of my malady. One of them is a born net addict and is in the habit of logging on to the net for every small thing. While he switched on the PC to search for some cures for hangovers, the other chap helped me to the settee in the hall.

Mr. Internet had successfully managed to find some pertinent matter on the net and read out triumphantly, “Most alcoholic drinks contain an assortment of chemicals and other additives that react strongly and wreak havoc in the body”. He then let out a small whistle and continued with a look of horror on his face, “It is strongly recommended not to drink wine followed by beer as they can lead to very bad hangovers, the after effects of which can be felt for days!”

“Excessive drinking also leads to severe dehydration. Ethanol blocks the production of a hormone called “Vasopressin” that enables the kidneys to reabsorb water within the body. Once this happens, the body is deprived of it’s normal supply of water and the different parts of the body set about searching for water from anywhere they can find, including the brain cells and this leads to a splitting headache.”

My face contorted into a hundred unpleasant expressions on hearing that but he quickly assured me that he had found about half a dozen “quick fix cures” and my suffering would abate in the next 30 minutes or so.

I was first made to gulp down about a litre of water “as fast as I could”. This was supposed to replace all the water lost from my body and restore parity. It was also supposed to wash out all the remanants of alcohol and other poisonous additives from the body. Just as I was done with it, my friend made another important discovery. A little bit of salt and sugar along with water were supposed to replace the important salts and glucose that were flushed out from the body. 10 minutes later, I was gulping down another half a litre of water with salt and sugar liberally added to it.

As I lay on the sofa with a defeated look on my face, my friends were sipping hot cups of coffee and closely observing me as though I was some alien creature from outer space. As I licked my lips expecting them to offer me some coffee, my friend quickly quipped in, “Coffee is as good as a Diuretic and also leads to a lot of loss of water from the body. We don’t want you to keep drinking water the whole day.” Aargh!

One hour and half a dozen trips to the bathroom later, I was feeling none the better. Another hurried conference brought about a new therapy – have some more booze, but in a very small quantity! The logic was impeccable – one cuts a diamond with another, removes a thorn with a thorn and fights cold with cold. Why not apply the same logic here too? This had to be discarded as soon as it was suggested because it was a “dry day”…sigh.

Clearly desperate to see me out of my discomfiture, my friend went and knocked on neighbour’s door to see if the gentleman there could suggest something. He came around to have a look at me and suggested that I should have a nice hot shower. Headaches, he said, are more often than not caused by tapered blood vessels and constricted neck muscles. The idea seemed good to me because it had never let me down before. Unfortunately for me, there was a water problem in our building because of some repair works being carried on and this idea too had to be discarded.

Mr. Internet again consulted the net and came across an article that speaks of acupressure. There is supposedly one particular junction between the thumb and forefinger on the left hand that was supposed to release tension in the neck and head. My friends and the gentleman next door now began searching every inch of my skin for that elusive junction and each began pinching and pressing at different spots on my hand. It was not as bad as sleeping on a bed of needles but it wasn’t an enjoyable experience either.

I was beginning to enjoy all the attention being showered on me by then. I was discreetly feeling happy that I could single handedly have caused a nuisance to so many people on a holiday because of my hangover. Tired of all the commotion around, I waded off into a good slumber and woke up late in the evening feeling much better.

Fortunately for me, the water supply was back too and a long hot shower for about 20 minutes made me feel fresh. The dehydrated feeling was gone too and a nice strong cup of coffee dispelled whatever groggy feeling was left. Just as I settled down to read the day’s newspaper, another colleague called up.he was getting married soon and wanted to throw us a “Bachelor’s Party”! I fell back on the sofa with a groan…