. at least that's what was taught to us by the society, culture, our parents to the extent of making crying a SIN for boys & especially men.
There is a saying which goes'Don't believe in a woman who smiles & a man who cries' [ definitely not mine:)].
The result is that a lot of men try to hide their sadness behind fake chivalry. Me and depression. hehe. that is for girlz.
True the feminine gender is more prone to chronic depression [ mostly due to hormonal variations they undergo ], but masculine gender is not far behind. This is what I say from my own experience & that of other guys I have known.
Yes. I did have my bouts of depression. I am human too. I didn't fall from the sky. So were others whom I knew. It is just that some fight & get over it, while a unfortunate few cannot [needing medical attention].
Broken Homes/Abusive Parents
Those who speak lightly about divorce & separation should consider themselves lucky that their parents were not divorced. Just ask the children of divorcees how their childhood was. something they wouldn't like to remember. a nightmare they wish to forget.
This is not to say that I am totally anti-divorce. It is a drastic means of ending a relation beyond repair. not something to be considered at the drop of a hat.
Every single parent should doubly love their children. for your childs peers have two parents but yours just one. Be more sensitive to their needs & feelings. Be more open, more friendly with them. Don't make them your boxing-bags to overcome your frustrations. They are already adjusting to the lack of a mother or a father. Don't make it harder for them.
If your child shows any signs of wetting bed in night-time, mood swings, disinterest in life etc. take them immediately to a child specialist & if required to a psychiatrist before it becomes chronic depression.
Even if it doesn't, scars remain throughout life.
Love your children. They will love you even more
Take good care of your children. They will take good care of you in your old age.
Achievement is more than getting'First Rank' [top grades]
Don't make your children some horses in a race to get ranks. OK, your neighbours son got a'First Rank' for state & his photo came in all newspapers & everyone's talking about him. so what 2-3 months down the line no one even remembers who it was.
Are these'Ranks' [grades] so important to the extent of pressurizing your children to the point of them committing suicide when they fail to meet your expectations? Is this your parental love for them?
Just throw away that facade of responsibility.Oh parent. don't try to make those children what you dream of them. let them be what they are.
If your child is not good in studies. may be he is good in sports [may be the next Tendulkar:)]. don't scold him for wasting time drawing silly picture . may be he is the next Leonardo Da vinci.
There are other technical courses [polytechnics], other courses BCA, MCA etc. Other career opportunities. Medical Transcription, Call center rep, sales man etc. There are practically unlimited ways to lead life. that is if you leave them to live it.
Just look at our second most populous country. May be 10% are Docs & Engineers. But other 90% are still living. If you are still hell-bent on sacrificing your children. let them join the army [they anytime have thousands of vacancies]. let them die valiantly fighting for the country rather than commit suicide like cowards.
Seeing your child smile & play is more precious than those dumb marks cards which will be seen in some waste-basket next year
Think from your mind.
That is where your brain is. Don't take things on your heart. it is too delicate an organ to take such stress.
May be that guy/gal you were interested in was not worthy of your love & affection. Life is a cycle which needs both wheels to move forward. You just can't clap with one hand.
No point in crying over spilt milk. Live life & let that other person too live his/hers. Your crying, obsessive behavior will only make the other persons life miserable & make him/her hate you.
Best thing is forget & move forward in life. No. you can't be friends with that other person. it will just be a deceit that will keep hurting you & even the other person will also be ever suspicious of you.
Relax. breathe. and enjoy life.
Kahi na kahin. Koi Na kohi. jaroor thumara intezaar kar raha hain( Someones waiting just for you) )
I am yet to Fly.
Fly you surely will. one day soon from your nest. Some start their career right out of campus. Some take some tight. But relax. you will make it one day. may be even better than those who started earlier.
But don't just sit at home & brood. Let not your idle mind be devils workshop. Keep away from vices like Alcoholic addiction, drugs etc. They just make your life worser than it was.
Join some part time vocational courses. some cheap computer courses, interior decoration, fashion designing etc. Give thoughts about higher education. If possible join some even smaller jobs [ salary doesn't matter for the first job] to get experience. Spend your time learning more things & keeping upto-date about your chosen career field. Go to public libraries & read books to expand your knowledge & language.
Mann mein ho vishwas.Hum Honge Kaamyab Ek Din.( I have faith in my heart. that I will be successful one day)
Life is about sharing Fun or Pain
Sharing your feelings with others that you trust. Expressing your anguish lightens your burden & makes you more relaxed. But before that make sure that the other person is worthy of sharing your feelings whether they are your parents, colleagues or friends. There is nothing worser than sharing your pains with someone who doesn't empathize, try to cheer you up & stand upto you. Avoid gossip mongers. escapists. people who make fun of others pains. Have just two TRUE friends than a hundred'Hi. Hello.' friends.
They will stand with you when the whole world has forsaken you. Such is the power of friendship.
One who found a friend. found a treasure
A Mystery called Life.
Let me give an anecdote from Indian/Hindu epic Mahabharatha. When Lord Krishna asked Yudhishtira( Dharam-Raj) the good prince to find'bad people' in the city of Hastinapur [ ancient Delhi] he roamed the city, came back empty handed & said'Oh. Lord there are None. the world is so full of good people.'. When the same excercise was repeated for the evil prince Duryodhana but this time to find'good people'. he came disappointed & said'Oh. Lord I couldn't find any. this world is full of evil doers'.
Well, not every one is a Mahatma. nor everyone's a Godse. The eldest Pandava had a way of finding good in even the most wicked & the Kaurava faults in even the saints. Let us be like the good prince.
Life is never a bed of roses. It is a mix of thorns & roses. It is for us to accept the roses gleefully & not cry over the thorns.
Life is the way we perceive it.
Let us sing .
- Sarfaroshi ki Thamanna ab Humaare Dil Mein hain,
Dekh naa hain Zor kithnaa Baajuve Kaathil mein hain
( I have the obsession of an obsessed in my heart. Just how strong are the arms of oppression.?)
Life is just too short to be spent crying over silly matters.
An Agony Uncle *(for a change);)
