Out of the Shadows. Review on Handling Depression

Depression for many holds a stigma in the name alone.  You are afraid of being labeled'crazy' and seeking treatment only appears to make it worse.  The constant fears that someone might find out you have a problem.  Coming to grips with that problem is what beating Depression is all about.

Who gets depressed?

Anyone can have a bout of depression. In all of our lives we have felt the feeling of sadness, some feel it a bit more than others. The key is to know the signs when it is more than a situational depression that will pass such as death, loss of a job, anger, and arguments with a friend that doesn't talk for a period of time.

Symptoms of Major Depression

These symptoms may vary in degree, but more than three signs it is definitely time to seek professional help.

Anorexia(not eating) or Overeating

Insomnia

Crying spells

Lack of motivation

Quit caring how you look

Lack of libido

Anxious

You do not want to talk to anyone

Normal activity is ceased

Thoughts of death or suicide

Panic attacks

Inability to get a grip on things

Confusion

These are but a few symptoms that can lead to a much bigger problem.

Out of the shadows is what I call dealing with depression.  There are so many things that can trigger depression for me it was my ex's need to have constant affairs.  I blamed myself, some sort of dysfunction I may of had. Which was not true of course, but I could not see it.  He was only very willing to allow me to believe it to be true.  I hid my depression well from everyone.

It started simple; I couldn't sleep and rambled around the house doing absolutely nothing for a couple months. Replaying the day he blurted out in front of the kids a few obscenities and blatantly flaunted his new lovers name.  Embarrassed, hurt, and anger fed my depression.  I soon stopped eating within a month I lost 30 pounds and started getting sick. I started to obsess with coffee, it was my driving force it kept me awake, but for what?

I went through the motions everyday like a little robot not caring if anything was done right. The house looked ok, but then what I did not do my children cleaned.  So it was hardly noticeable that I had completely quit cooking and cleaning. I stopped talking to all of my family, and alienated my children for a brief time.  Always smiling at them telling them I loved them, but mommy needed some alone time.  It was an excuse they had come to accept. I felt myself drifting into the shadows. I did not want to be seen or even noticed.  I soon stopped going to church, the grocery, or even leaving the house.

One early December morning in 1998 I had decided I had enough. The hurt had to stop; it was eating me up inside. The empty feeling in my gut, the whirlwind of bizarre thoughts that ran through my mind. Making out my will at six am, providing information on how to properly collect on any money that was due.  I even wrote out the cheapest way to have me put to rest. Two months before I had taken out insurance on every credit card I owned just in case I died it would be paid off. Making sure none had a suicide clause. I had it planned, but no one knew. This sounds very morbid, but you want truth I am going to give it to you.  At this point I was not dealing with it properly, no, this is the wrong way to deal with depression.

The thoughts that go through a deeply depressed persons mind are not a pretty sight.  You may be wondering by now why I am telling you all this.  Because my friend I have been there, tasted it, felt it I know what they are feeling.  You do not really think when you want the pain and hurt to end. All you care about is ending it that is how overwhelming depression can become. All I thought about was lying down to sleep, and that is exactly what I did. One week later I woke in the ICU unit not realizing what I had done until I saw the faces of my family. The first thought out of the shadows was Oh my God what have I done.

Those who threaten you with suicide often do not go through with it. That is a cry for help. Those like myself who did not threaten, did not ask for help are the ones you need to watch out for. The ones who change and back away for no apparent reason are the ones you need to approach.

Dealing with Depression the right way

Seek professional help either with a counselor, your clergy, or neighborhood crisis center.  Get to someone, talk to someone even if it is a friend. Get your feelings out in the open. If you feel like hurting yourself call someone.  If you develop any of the above symptoms make an appointment with your family physician and get some help.

Depression is not easy you cannot do this alone. Being depressed is not a failure on anyone's part.  Get over feeling as if someone will think you are crazy.  There are simply too many statistics of proud people that are not with us anymore, and I am glad I am not one.

I am happy, healthy, divorced mother of five teens.  I am ready to start a new life with a new man who is the most wonderful person in the world.  I have loving children and glad I am here, alive and sought help even though it could have been too late.

No, I am not on medication. No, I am not crazy.  Yes I am alive, I learned to talk through my problems, allow myself to have feelings of hurt, and anger, humiliation and I get over it.  Group therapy helps some people one on one therapy helps.  Depending on how comfortable you are talking about your problems.

It is never too late to start a new day.