Aug 15, 2001 05:59 PM
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When we lost mom a little over a year ago year ago, after she suffered a long time from cancer that ravaged her body and mind(but never her spirit)
Dad was devastated! 51 years with mom.he felt he had nothing left to live for.
My sister lives 3000 miles away from here and couldn't really do a lot of helping out with dad. So my brother and I took the responsibility of making dad live!
Thankfully, dad is in pretty good health(no major problems) so we jumped in and tried to give dad a new life. I had him move in with me, since I'm divorced and have no children living at home, it was a lot easier than having him move in with my brother and sister-in-law and their 4 year old daughter.
But dad didn't want to go on.There was nothing I could do to make him even get out of bed! He stayed in bed all day, only getting out to use the bathroom and eat. The television played 24 hours a day, yet he watched nothing on it.
He began to skip showering, sometimes for days on end. I noticed he ate less and less, just stayed in bed more and more.
I tried giving him household tasks. Taking out the trash, emptying the dishwasher, little things like that. But, the trash stayed where it was and the dishes remained in the dishwasher.
I couldn't allow this to go on any longer!
I made an appointment for him with his Doctor and made him shower, dress, get in the car with me and go. They ran tests, took blood and shrugged their shoulders. There was nothing wrong.
But there was! He's my dad, I know there's something wrong. He's not the dad I knew and loved and cherished for my 50 years on earth.
That's when it hit me! After 13 years of taking care of my sick mom, he felt he wasn't needed anymore, he was *depressed, * he was lonely and taking care of mom had become his entire life. And that meant when mom was gone so was his life.
I got him to another Doctor, different tests were done this time, this time the tests were checking him for depression! Not a physical illness, but an illness that is far more debilitating! The further he slipped into his *depression, * the closer he got to not hanging in without mom. His other 1/2, his life partner and life giver.
He is now on medication for depression. He just recently started'doing his chores' and even doing the grocery shopping. He's called some of his old friends and now once a week he goes out with some of them for a few hours. He eats better and is back to showering every day.
Granted, he(as we all do) miss mom very much, but with the help of medication, at least he's now able to go on living.
Don't overlook depression as a killer when you're caring for your older parent(s). We almost lost dad to it.
It sucks the life right out of people. But with proper medical attention, you can happily watch the life return.
