One for the good times!. Review on Gokul, Colaba, Mumbai

I don’t believe this either. How many ad guys, shippies and gays here? And just one review of Goks!? Ok here goes. First: I’m the first group. Second: Lonely Planet describes it in rather unflattering terms “…100% male…spartan décor… great place to meet locals…no frills…have a cheap beer and leave…” That’s like describing Priyanka Chopra as “just another woman” IMAGINE! So here’s where the record gets set right. Goks is located in that part of town where most foreigners hang out. (Get directions elsewhere.) It’s also an iconic place that has weathered the ravages of time and the unrelenting advancement of modernity. The only compromise being plasma tv relegated to a dark corner. Gokul is one of those places that one loves…or loves to hate. It’s a watering hole. A hangout place. A meeting point. Or a pick-up joint… albeit for those of a different preference, if you get what I mean. It’s true that many moons ago it was a gay hangout on the weekends (no puns intended). The mis-guided zeal of a reporter ended that. Goks is today Mecca for the noon-time tippler or the pessimistic office-goer. It’s also the preferred place of itinerant shippies, down and out ad guys, up-coming execs and down-going entrepreneurs. The place is divided into various sections. The first section being non-ac and serving quarters of your favored poison. The 2nd section is for the non-smoking comfort seeking male. That is ac but no smoking allowed. But the 3rd section? Ah, now we get to the crux of the matter. The door to this section is watched over by a guy in a small counter. He’s St. Peter come down to Earth. If he likes your face or decides that you don’t look like a trouble-maker you go in. If not, you get told “Full hai” Tongue firmly in cheek and hand firmly on closed door handle. Once in, the pervading gloom sets the mood. It’s got an ac, serves pegs only and has the regulars coming there. Women have always been safe in this place (my lady friends used to wait for me here) and the regulars are friendly guys. Waiters watch over the women ensuring no mischief. A large peg of mainline booze comes for around 35 bucks a peg. The Mutton Masala is something you should try; heavy on the spices and thick with gravy.  Staple orders here are beer, chicken lollipop, fried fish, and “daal, masala marke”. You could also try out the seekh kebabs. No, they won’t serve Bade Miyan stuff. And you can’t carry it in. The pomfret recipes are fine. And the other starters ok. Goks is a hard-core drinking place with eating coming 2nd. Conversations get progressively louder as the hours pass. And the air gets thicker with the smell of cigarette smoke and growing desperation. The small entrepreneurs make their points vocally. While the young execs crack their jokes as merrily. The waiters recognize regulars and a smile is rewarded with… a cold stare. (Remember the old gay days, buddy?).

The loo is quite an adventure. If you’ve got a drunk fellow-pisser then slink out. If not, p iss away to your bladders content. 4 pissoirs in a small passage makes for an interesting experience… remember the old…oh chuck it. Any seating place is fine as long as it’s not the seats between the ladies loo and the bar area. That’s reserved for a group of regulars who on weekends raise merry cain. Nice friendly bunch tho’. Professional who have bonded over time and look fondly upon Goks with alcohol glazed eyes. It’s a place where you can treat your friend and not feel the pinch. I’ve spent quite a few evenings with a group of friends (4-6) and had the bill come as a pleasant surprise. Also, no matter how drunk you may be, you can rely on the bill being accurate. I’ve yet to experience a wrong bill moment.  It’s also a place where you can share a few quite moments with you main squeeze, if the lingering smell of cigarette smoke is ok. If you’re the type who is into “meeting locals” as Lonely Planet puts it, then you’re barking up the wrong tree buddy. See that old balding pot-bellied man with a drooping moustache in the corner who’s talking up a foreigner? We’ll he’s a leftover from the old days. Try to approach the average Goks dweller and you’ll be left standing in the passage. All alone and ignored.  Goks is open till you're done. Or passed out. Just don't make too much of a mess.

Don’t know if credit cards are accepted. Never tried to pull one out after more than 4 pegs. Have you?