May 15, 2006 04:26 PM
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(Updated May 15, 2006 04:26 PM)
This review is for the benefit of all those who aspire to drive on the Indian roads(if you actually wish to do so, do it at your own risk!). Driving in India is a truly out of this world experience, which you can't enjoy anywhere else. Be it the metropolitan city roads or the country roads(if there are any) you are in for the ride/ drive of your life.
To begin with one might always wonder which side of the road to drive: on the'left' or'right'. The answer is well.'both'. Begin with the left side of the road, unless it is occupied. If so, occupy the right side. Then occupy the next available gap on whichever side of the road possible. The idea behind is to trust your instincts and drive.
Adherence to driving rules could lead to a lot of miseries and occasional fatality. Observation is key and as the golden rule goes, seize the opportunity. If a bike or cycle manages to squeeze into a gap, it should conclude with a full size trailer truck going through. Drivers usually don't drive but just aim in the direction they intend to go. Follow the above said to the T, as nobody is in a better position nor sure of what they are doing.
Anybody slowing down or stopping at pedestrian crossings is considered'alien' and this is highly not recommended if you wish to keep your vehicle scratch-free, which is an impossibility in itself considering we have a lot of aspiring M F Husseins in our country. The pedestrians are strictly instructed to cross only when the traffic is at a dead halt or slow moving. Of course, the only time you have to come to a screeching halt is when one of those immovable cows or buffaloes decide to make the road an open cattle shed. The only solution in this case is to move across and give way, if you don't want to be sent 50 feet into the air.Who cares for dogs!
Don't mind people blowing a horn at you. It may be a sign of protest in some countries but here in hamaara desh it is an emotional expression of joy, resentment, frustration, romance, bare lust, or, to mobilise that above mentioned cattle crowd from the road.
It would be highly useful to have a couple of informative books in your glove box to read and enjoy during traffic jams, while awaiting a chief minister's motorcade, or even waiting for the drainage water to recede after a shower.
Our roads don't have shoulders but do have occasional boulders. The roads might often give you an impression that you have reached the surface of the moon so it wouldn't be a bad idea to take a snap and send it to your friends across other parts of the world telling them about your lunar experience.
Night driving in India is truly an exhilarating experience. You really don't know who amongst the drivers is actually loaded. What looks like a premature dawn on the horizon might actually turn out to be a truck attempting a speed record. On encountering it, kindly pull on to the field adjoining the road until the phenomenon passes for your own safety. Using dippers to attract the attention of the truck driver coming in the opposite direction is expecting too much out of a'dim' driver, who might be loaded with the illicit arrack he had at the last shop, thus, his cerebral functions add to nothing more than a naught. Of course, the truck drivers are the official James Bonds of India, the title of'licensed to kill' aptly fitting them. Often you may encounter a single beam of light in the opposite direction; do not, I repeat do not approach too close to investigate thinking of it as some super cruiser bike as it could be in all probability a truck with a single left light. It could also be one with a right light but do not get too close as you may prove your point.wrong!
Occasionally, you may encounter what looks like a UFO with strange lights and sounds emanating. This is a nothing but an illuminated bus containing a bunch of happy go lucky pilgrims singing bhajans. They often go at breakneck speeds, seeking contact with the Almighty and often meet with success.
Autorickshaw fundas: It is a result of a collision between a cycle rickshaw and an automobile. This three-wheeled wonder runs on an external combustion engine powered by anything combustible and carries iron rods, gas cylinders and even passengers three times its weight. After careful geometric calculations, children are packed into these autorickshaws until some of these children at the periphery are not in contact with the vehicle at all. Their school bags are filled into microscopic gaps so that minor collisions have natural airbags absorb the impact! The fundamental laws of physics are also learnt en route to school so that no time is wasted anywhere in the process.
Call it the lack of infrastructure or the continuous learning process, but buses are always overcrowded during peak hours and there is a prevalence of absolute mayhem. Passengers hang on to other passengers who in turn perch on to the railings precariously. In even worse case scenarios, some opt for the optional double-decker top where people sit on the roof of the bus and travel enjoying the beauty of the nature seesawing whenever the driver applies the brake or accelerates. These buses often tilt dangerously to one side defying the laws of gravity but obeying the laws of surface tension. Steer clear from these buses by a distance of three metres.
After all this, if you really feel that driving in India is worth taking all that risk then do so between 8pm and 11am when the police have gone home and the citizen is free to enjoy the freedom of speed enshrined in our constitution.
And don't ever forget to latch on your seat belts or put on your helmets while driving/ riding as some idiot could just be around that corner.
Happy driving:-)
