Sep 24, 2001 11:41 AM
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This is a review written on the impact of Sept 11, 2001 on my children and my best friends little boy.
This afternoon as my best friend and I talked about the events of the last two days, she told me her 5 year old son asked her that question. She said she told him ''Mitch, they don't even know who the bad guy is or where he is.'' Now how do we explain this to our children? How do we make them feel safe again? How can we keep the monsters under the bed from coming out? It was so easy before September 11 to get mom or dad to tell the monsters to go away or sweep them away. How do you tell a monster to leave when you cannot find it?
My two are 14 and 15. They are angry, hurt and totally confused as to why someone would do this to so many people who never hurt anyone. I told them that these people do not value the lives of their people like we do. We value the lives of our children above all else and they (whom ever ''they'' are) know that. They use it against us like they did in Vietnam. Death does not care how old you are or how you live your life. Death just is.
At our home we believe in God. Pure and simple you say? Well, not really. How do you explain to your child that God is a loving God and bad things are not supposed to happen to “good” people? I suppose you could say that “the devil made them do it” but we know better. They made a choice. We can make a choice as well. We choose to keep on going. We will not be beaten.
Death is a part of life. We never know when it is going to come or how it is going to come. We all hope that we go in our sleep, in no pain and most of us want to die in our own bed at home. No one wants to die in a car wreck or lay and suffer for any length of time. My daughter looked at me and said “Mom, do you think any of the people on the planes suffered or knew what was coming?” Here is what I told her and my son.
Yes they suffered. They suffered because they knew they were going to die. Most suffered because they knew they would never be able to tell the ones they loved that they loved them. They suffered because they probably knew death was coming and they could do nothing to stop it. They also suffered because some of them probably knew they were going to be used like torpedoes to hit buildings.
My son then asked me what would I do if he or his sister or any member of our family had been killed yesterday. Death again. I told him I would cry, scream, probably break some dishes and be very angry. “But mom”. He said. “What would you do if I had died yesterday?” (there is death again). I don’t know what I would do. How do you tell his sister that he is never coming home again? How do you tell her he won’t be walking home from school with her anymore? How do I tell his father there is no more “guy time” or how do I tell my parents their first born grandson is gone? I tell them one heart beat at a time.
I tell his sister he is still walking with her only he is her guardian angel now. He will always be there for her and with her. I tell his father he will be riding in the truck with him as he goes coast to coast. I tell my mom and dad he is riding the 4-wheeler in heaven. I tell myself that my reason for living seems all but gone. I tell myself that I have to go on for his sister’s sake, my husband’s sake and in honor of him. I cannot let what happened break my spirit.
My daughter does not understand why we are all so worried in our area. We have nothing really major around us “as she says” and why would they bother us? Why did our football games get canceled? Why is my life being put on hold? Why can’t I go outside and walk the dogs? Why why why….here is what I told her.
The reason the game was canceled was out of respect for the people that died. We needed to pause and remember them and that they we real people. I told her to think about a loss we had in our family due to a suicide and how angry we were that it seemed as if no one stopped to acknowledge that he was loved, had a life and would be missed. Putting things on hold was our way to say in a very small way “we understand as best we can that you have had a terrible terrible loss.”
Your life is not on hold, just on pause. Just pause and breathe. You will go to football games and you will play softball in the spring. Pause to remember those that won’t and play for them. Remember the little ones that will never get to play t-ball and the parents that will never get to “load up the cooler and head out to the game” to see their kids play like we can for you. We will remember them and hold them in our hearts. “But mom, WHY us?”
Why us? Because we are a successful nation. We are a strong nation. We are outspoken about things that we think are wrong and we are always ready to help. We have choices in our country. We choose to be free.
There is no easy way to tell an adult about death let alone a child. My friend told her son that God just needed a few more angels in heaven. To a 5-year-old that was good enough. But he still wants to know where the bad guy is and is he coming back. That one we can’t answer.
