Please Give Snorky a Welcome. Review on General Thoughts About MouthShut

My name is Snorky Doolittle, and I have something to say.

I realize that I have an oddly-shaped head and my eyes seem unnaturally large within the framework of my face.  I know that many people do not like the fact that I often wear a hat advertising beer companies, sporting teams, and manufacturers of agricultural fertilizer.  They do not understand that I suffer from male pattern baldness and fear that the sun’s rays will inflict irrevocable damage on the top of my slick pate, causing redness, itching, and peeling.

I am fair-skinned and pasty, but I do not honestly desire to be a walking, talking Coors commercial.  I am merely thinking of more practical matters.  I do not even drink Coors, I am opposed to the consumption of alcohol.  Alcohol often clouds the mind, making normally rational people act in a silly, uncivilized manner.  It is not proper.   But I thank Coors for providing me with a means to protect the top of my strange melon-shaped head from melanoma and the damaging effects of the sun.  But that is not good enough for some people.  I know they laugh at me behind my back.  I hear them snickering.  They hurt me to the core of my very being.

I have just started here at mouthshut.com and the same fears plague me.  Will they like me?  Will they judge me by the merits of my words?  Or will they, like everyone else, fail to see past my ghastly, fear-inducing features and never get to know the sweet, gentle soul inside?  All I want to do is love you, please do not let my horrid appearance sway your outlook.  Please realize that the mere fact that I have strange, black bumps on my neck, and nose hair so long that it could be braided, does not mean that I can not provide you with solid, sensible consumer advice.  I will not mislead you.  Every word I say is specifically contrived for the express purpose of providing scads and scads of valuable, helpful information to arm the potential purchaser with the knowledge weaponry he needs to make EVEN BETTER purchasing decisions.  But I still hear the snickers.  I still hear the snide comments in the background, “Oh, don’t listen to Mr. Bug Eyes, no one with such a hideous visage could possibly have anything worthwhile to say” or sometimes, “Steer clear of that bald freak, I do not care for his abnormal facial features and hairless pate.  I would not trust a word that flows from his slimy, strange-looking lips.”  I honestly hope you people are not like that.  It is hard enough to muddle through life with my loathsome, repugnant appearance.  When women see me, they cringe in disgust.  I often send small children into wild fits of seemingly endness crying.  But I carry on, hoping to one day be presented with the opportunity to present my consumer-helpfulness to a brighter, less superficial people.  A people who will avert their eyes from my grisly, extremely horrifying profile picture, and rather fixate them on my words, absorbing the benefit of my experience, avoiding the same mistakes I have made, prospering from words describing things I have owned, places I have been, books I have read.  Will you be such a people?

I do not know if I have reached the 75 word minimum yet, it seems an awful burden to be required to delve into a topic with such verbosity, but I believe I am up for the task.  Please let me help you, I love you all.  I love all the people of the world, be they American, Indian, Chinese, or Brazilian.  Except the Dutch.  I do not like the Dutch, they frighten me with their wooden shoes and predilection for tulips.  But I wish no harm on the Dutch, it is merely my prejudice and preconceived stereotypes that make me fear the Dutch.  That makes me no better than my detractors, I suppose.  That leaves me in no better a situation than the cruel men who gather around me and chant insults, shaming me and pelting me with eggs and rocks.  But I could learn to like the Dutch.  I hope you can learn to like me.

The point of my story, besides giving you an opportunity to know me better, is this:  Please don’t judge people by the way they look.  It is a great big world and there are all sorts of people in it with varying levels of attractiveness.  Look at a man’s heart, a man’s intention, and a man’s soul before writing him off as a repulsive, ugly mudsucker with no worth or value.  I want to love you, please love me back.  Remember this:  Just because a man has a visage so repelling that many are nauseated just to be in the same room with him does not mean that he is incapable of providing you with helpful, beneficial purchasing advice.  Unless if he is Dutch.  Then all bets are off.