Heloooooo!!! What’s wrong with the industry?. Review on Garam Masala

Please understand that this review is being written in an absolute hurry so as to save the thousands of MS people who might read this review and be saved from the damage that can happen to them if they commit the same mistake that I so unknowingly did. Of watching a film called garam masala. It’s been over a week now that it’s released but I still think that some of you may be spared from a torture that you don’t deserve if you follow the review…

I suffered because I didn’t read the reviews on MS. But it’s ok because there are always some people in this world who suffer so that others may be saved. And doing my duty, now let me quickly tell you that you should not be watching garam masala. I'm so sorry to be this blunt while putting this in front of those of you reading the review…but the sooner you understand the better. For you, I mean.

So here are 5 reasons you shouldn’t be watching Garam Masala…

1. because the original was so much better

In a scenario where the entire industry, public and the critics don’t spare you if you dare to ‘remake’ a film or get offhand ‘inspirations’ from foreign flicks, how could Priyadarshan hope to get away with such a sadly converted remake? On conducting a random opinion poll among all my mallu friends, I found that the original films of Garam Masala and Kyon Ki were superhits and went down very well with the audiences. That’s certainly not the case with the hindi ones though. So, better keep off them.

1. where’s the script??

Now, here’s the million dollar question to the director- Mr. Priyadarshan, why didn’t you use a scriptwriter?...?? after watching the film, I had a strong urge to go and offer my services in writing the screenplay for his next film if he was, by any chance, planning to continue with his present crew members…the dialogues are ridiculously dim-witted (where’s all the sense of humour gone people?? pleeeaaase do not term this funny or hilarious) and, by far, the funniest line that Paresh Rawal gets to speak is – “main ja raha hoon” and may be because the director felt the line was just too funny, he created situations so that Rawal delivers them some 5 times. Much to the nuisance of the audiences.

1. because it comes from the director of Hera Pheri, Hungama, Hulchul

This is the most unforgivable part of all. Each of Priyadarshan’s successive films is going worse by the day when it comes to the comedy aspect of it. I still remember the time I saw Hera Pheri…there were tears of laughter in the eyes of my parents, mine and the rest of the people in the audience too. Even Hungama did relatively well and Hulchul managed to make some hulchul. But only some, mind you. Now going further in this trend (of making the next film worse than the precious one) Garam Masala, I expect, should be competing for the coveted crown of the ‘most unintelligent but highly grossing film of the year’ what with films like No Entry and Shaadi No.1 in the race. Tch tch… when will the junta of this great country get to watch another dhang ki comedy?

1. under-utilisation of the actors

After so many years in the industry, Akshay Kumar and Paresh Rawal have built up some standing at least. Why, the fact that comedy is Paresh Rawal’s forte is now well established. Then why, why did Priyadarshan do this to his good band of actors? It’s an absolute crime I tell you… not exploiting the talents of actors like Paresh Rawal, Rajpal Yadav and Akshay Kumar. God…it’s so annoying to see all these people jump up and down like maniacs and the audiences hailing it as funny. But honestly, John Abraham beat them all. His imitation of an ape was just so natural and convincing, that I feel we must laud it as the performance of the year…

1. John Abraham

Now now now…don’t get put off by this statement. Trust me, you really don’t want to go and watch the film for John Abraham. He’ll put you off so badly, you wouldn’t watch his next 5 films. Kaveri Bamzai, a critic with Headlines Today rated Garam Masala 2 on 5 only because of John’s “assets”. Now, my argument is that John Abraham, despite his ultra toned physique, cannot carry a film on his shoulders. Might as well have got someone who could act. He does the impersonation of a big dud soooooo perfectly you wouldn’t believe he actually won 25 lakhs on KBC 2…and what’s it with his mouth yaar? In case you happen to watch the movie (though you strictly shouldn’t), please notice the scenes when his mouth is not open and let me know about the same.

Yeah so all in all, Garam Masala is a film where people keep falling on each other and laughing in a very maniacal sort of way and the makers claim it’s a comedy. Don’t go unless you’re being paid for it.