Warning: Mild use of Colourful Language Ahead. Parental Guidance suggested
The 80s! Just the thought makes me smack my lips and rub my hands in glee. You see, I'm a generation X dude... born in the early 70s... so the 80s were the years where I learnt about the birds and the bees... the flowers and the trees... chalk and cheese... you get the drift.
The 80s was the time when bell bottoms were making way to denims and hairdos were wonky enough to scare your mother out of her socks. Lipstick and mascara were cool and Michael Jackson had released that blockbuster of a record - Thriller - which made everyone try and moonwalk even while standing in school assembly lines. AOOOOOOOOOW....
Movies in the 80s swung either this way... or that. They were either mental or very good. It was also a decade where I actually watched a lot of movies.... so you want five of the most mental movies of the 80s? Here's my pick:
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Hollywood Cop
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Not to be confused with the 1997 Harrison Ford movie, Hollywood Cops. Ok... where do I start. You have the hero, a trigger happy cop with a long blonde mane doing whatever he wants to do, in order to punish bad guys. Some brat gets kidnapped and the long blonde maned cop is questing to bring the brat back home.
Here's one scene.... some guys sexually assault a mans wife and the cops are coming over to rescue them... the bad guys are trying to run when the man brings out a knife and grabs hold of one of the baddies... he's about to slit his throat when the hero (mr. blonde maned cop) goes something like ''Oh Mister... I know he just f your wife... but you cant take the law in your hands''... the guy goes ahead and slits the scumbag's throat...
Packed with scenes like this, Hollywood Cop is a C Grade flick that lacks everything.
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The Dead Next Door
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This movie must have supplied the Ramsays a lot of material for their stream of horror movies. Let me narrate the tale...
From frame 1 of the movie, Zombies are on the loose and innocent people either end up as snacks or get turned into zombies too. The police form a squad called the Zombie Squad to kill and capture the zombies. The only problem is, half the country is already in Zombie mode.
The Zombie Squad takes out some of the flesh eaters but one by one, they are converted to zombies as well. The words ''Son of a b'' is there in every second sentence which is very cool to hear. Sample dialog would be:
''Oh no... the zombies are coming... shoot them'' KAPLAMMMMM
''Son of a b... why wont they die... why... why...''
''ARGHHHHHHHH.. he just bit me... the son of a b''
''Let me shoot that son of a b''
In the end... everyone becomes a zombie... and the Zombie Squad is renamed... HUMAN SQUAD (they're hunting humans now)... Enough Said
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Electric Boogaloo
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There are things I hate about the 80s. That's HAIRSPRAY and Michael Jackson wannabes. So here we have a movie with no story, crappy cast, insane number of break dance sequences and acting that could have done great justice in a skin flick.
So what's in this movie? Break dance, break dance and lots of break dance. Which was cool... but when you could just watch the music videos from Thriller... why waste energy watching this sorta stuff?
One look at the main actor and you'd wish you had a white glove to slap him with. Even writing about this is making me queasy.
Wonder how the release sequels for movies like this.
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Basket Case
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I need a deep breath for this one. Ok... Siamese twins. One is normal, the other is a mutant. And what about the mutant? Well, he's only got a head and two arms and is grotesque. The doctors separate the two and the father decides to chuck the mutant in the garbage can. The normal twin is upset and he goes and rescues his mutant brother. Together they kill their father.
The mutant brother is carried around in a wicker basket which becomes his new home. The two brothers move into a motel and start seducing chicks and killing... er people.
Guess what? The mutant has a huge libido even though he has no sexual organs. Still he manages to engage in carnal activities at the end of which his victims become dinner.
Enough of this too... in one sentence.... watch this movie if you ARE a basket case... totally MENTAL!
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Tarzan, The Ape Man
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I wrote a whole review on this one. But I'll run through this again. Bo Derek is Jane so if you expect to see some jungle fighting action and animals, think twice. It's good if you need an outlet for your libido but as a movie... it reeks!
Being a Tarzan fan for life, I hate the fact that some idiot made a mockery of the legendary dude, just to display his wife's anatomy.
Other 80s movies that are pretty messed up:
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Killer Klowns from Outer Space (a title Ekta would love. Aliens in clown suit killing people is never cool)
Cannibal Holocaust (I love the genre called Horror but cannibalism gives me indigestion... especially when it's in a movie as flawed as this one)
The Texas Chainsaw Massacre Part 2 (90 minutes of pure crap... including scenes where you can actually see the film crew... the makeup is so bad that it looks like my face at 3 AM)
I'm exceeding space so I'll zip my lip.
This is reporter psyxx signing off
~finis~
PS: Thanks to the Internet Movie Database for helping me verify the years that these movies were made in. It's been so many years that I thought Cannibal Holocaust was made in 1975 or something. It's 1980.
