Some movies I have intensely disliked, and cursed myself for seeing them. A very personal choice, it may go against someone's choices. But then, one man’s pleasure could be another's poison.
Most are super hit multi-starrers with good music scores. That does not necessarily mean that they were good cinema. Addition of stars, an eyewash of Indian traditions, saccharine romances, regressive values, misplaced patriotism, has deceived movie goers into believing this puerile balderdash to be good cinema.
The list excludes movies that are in a league of their own. (Mother 98, Jaani Dushman- Ek Anokhi Kahani, or any Esha Deol, Kishen Kumar, Mithunda movies)
These are 10 listed in an ascending order of my hatred for them. They get worse as they come.
At number 10
What? You didn't like Maine Pyaar Kiya? (I Have Made Love)
Didnt you like it when Handsome (a pigeon, can you believe it?) attacked the villain? Or Laxmikant Berde's alleged comedy?
Didnt Bhagyashree make you promptly want to beg her to tie a Raakhi on your wrist?
And Salman Khan applying balm on her sprained ankle, while looking the other way…. wow, aren’t we pious.
How can you not like the song ‘Kabutar ja ja ja’ (Pigeon go go go) and cutsie dialogues like ''Dosti mein no thank you, no sorry''
You mean you didn't even like the 'Friend' cap?
At least, the background music that went 'Rooo - Rooo.. ru ru ru ru- Roo Roo' every time Bhagyashree sighed?
What about Alok Nath? Now c'mon?
At number 9
A beautiful title, a horrible movie - Dil Se
I expect protests, but I simply hated this meandering, rudderless rubbish.
It could have been a great movie on the Assamese insurgency but this one was neither here nor there.
A hamming Shahrukh Khan allowed to do as he pleased is like a painful festering wound. Was Mani Ratnam directing at all?
Manisha’s human bomb act was not a patch on Ayesha Dharker’s Terrorist.
Stunning locales, heavenly music, but so what? A would be saving grace like 'Jiya Jale' filmed on a delectable Preity Zinta in Kerala’s backwaters, too was marred by the presence of a shirtless (we had to see this too in life) Shahrukh scampering like a wet cat.
At number 8
Mujhe Kuch Kehna Hai
Seriously, let’s ask ourselves. Do we take autographs of people whom we see committing good Samaritan acts? No! We must learn from Kareena, and director Satish Kaushik.
Here, first the guy goes searching for the girl, and then the girl frantically searches for him, while we were left searching for the exits.
And as for Tushhaar Kapoor, I don’t even want to waste my time… mujhe kuch nahi kehna hai…. mouthshut.
At Number 7
Mere Kaaraan Aaarjoon jaaroor aayenge - Karan Arjun
After this one, I had pledged not to see any Raakhee starrer, especially movies in which she is a mother to two sons and goes mad.
A Reincarnation theme gone haywire. The guys undergo past life regressions in x-ray vision and howl in their sleep.
A torturous sight of Salman Khan and Mamta Kulkarni together. Both have their share of topless scenes and it’s hard to conclude who is more disgusting.
While Shahrukh continues to give ample evidence of his speech and motor disorders (stammering, non stop jerking of shoulders and head)
At number 6
Ruined Run - Daud
Ram Gopal Varma warned the world to run away from this movie in the title itself, dumb us couldn’t catch the hint. When RGV is bad, he is very bad. What a turkey to come up with after the scintillating Rangeela. Horrible, is the word for this nerve-shattering road movie that misfired badly.
At number 5
I wish I was this slimy in college. Love the college hottie, marry her, while ignoring the love of a tomboy. And after 8 years when wifey dies, go armed with a pesky daughter to stall the now demure tomboy’s marriage.
The lead players keep repeating ''Kuch Kuch Hota Hai, tum nahi samjhoge'' Truer words were never said, I really did not understand.
Sexist to the core, this movie was unbelievably demeaning to plain-jane girls. For the first time SRK wasn’t the most irritating part of a movie, the girl who played his daughter beat him hollow.
For my dedicated review on this movie, should time permit do read https://mouthshut.com/readreview/24730-1.html
At number 4
City Babe (nonstop giggles): Ohh Raaajaaahh you are a ddarrling, a joker,.. a sweetheart.
Village Idiot (nonplussed): Ain? Kya kaha memsaab?
CB: Ohh Raaaajaaaahh tum paagal ho, joker ho, dilbar jaani ho
VI: Haeppee thenkoo memsaab You come come memsaab.
I wept inside me when I saw my favorite actor Aamir Khan do this in Raja Hindustani. Plot wise it was ‘Jab Jab Phool Khile’ dyspeptically regurgitated.
At number 3
Mohabbatein
SRK is back again, this time as a music teacher. But instead of teaching music he quivers his lips, moistens his eyes, hangs a sweater on his twitching shoulders and only talks about love, while dry leaves fly, in slow motion, from one end of the screen to the other.
No student ever plays any instrument in his class. They only gaze, like moony fools, skywards, as masterji speaks aching nonsense about his dead girlfriend (Aishwarya, she can’t even act dead)
Three terrible couples and their lousy love stories, Amitabh in one of his most embarrassing appearances, in a movie with a groaning length of almost four hours. NIGHTMARE.
At number 2
An overflowing smiling family + smiling in-laws + smiling children of in-laws + smiling friends + smiling family doctors + smiling family accountants + smiling secretaries (Huma covered Khan, if you please) + smiling family servants = a crowd of over 40 happy smiling sweet syrupy people = Hum Saath Saath Hain
Their family home has a huge theatre with ample seating arrangement to stage family-introductory tamasha shows, which the entire family watches with coy, indulgent smiles.
They travel smilingly in a family bus to the family palace in Rajasthan and watch the family peacocks while singing family songs like “Mhare hivda mein naacha mor” and some educative ones like, “ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ (See, I told you I was literate)
And yessss..once more my fav. dude Alok Nath, this time wearing a perpetual prasanna mudra with my fav. dudette Rima Lagoo.
And the drums and tears roll for ..at number 1
Kabhi Khushi Kabhi Gham
The granddaddy of them all. What a whopper star cast and what an utter waste. Everyone crying like fountains. Men in chunnies beating the ladies in the crying game, prolonged lingering shots of tear development, the national anthem in the middle of the movie, helicopters for routine travel, Vande Mataram as background music in London,
An age-old theme of family not accepting a spouse, and a very nauseating journey of a scattered family getting together weeping all the way to a choking climax.
No redeeming features whatsoever.
PS: By the way, Alok Nath yet again.
For my dedicated review on this movie, should time permit do read https://mouthshut.com/readreview/29309-1.html
Contd in the comments section
