Dear God,
I promise to be good this year, I also promise to stop sleeping all day, stop spending all the money I earn while shopping, stop eating chocolates all the time and basically doing nothing but enjoying myself. I also promise to start working out (Oh by the way can I cross my fingers at this point, I am sure you do not mind such things anyway!!!!)
I hope this mail reaches you in the best of health, Please bestow common sense to those who are hell bent on destroying other people for their selfish needs (wink wink, u know what I mean,) and yeah before I forget look into the envelope, you will find five letters, they are from people who are earning a lot of money, here we call them actors, but lately because their work has gone from bad to worse, and the post office refused to handle their mail, they asked me to send these letters to you, so I am, I have not packed these letters so incase of a security breach please contact the person who signed the letter. Looks like they sent in their prayers for the year ahead too, that's what they told me.................
Disclaimer... I am not responsible for the promises being made. I hope that is understood!!!!!! Just kidding who the hell cares!
Bhagvan,
Hi, my name is Dinoo, I think you remember me, my girlfriend is Bipasha I think she shot 4 girls and then Shot herself, I think though I am not sure (Please refer to my Five worst actresses I am sure u'll like it !!!. Well here is what I want to say, I was a model, still am trying to hold on to it and I tried acting too and I must confess I think I am bad at it. Well I promise to stop doing this once and for all, but I am trying to see how much the public can take it, if you promise to keep my looks I promise to keep my promise (Ps: Let me know in you letter what I promised), Oh one more thing is there anyway that you can keep bipasha there????? Because the truth she scares me too.... : (
Love
Dinoo
Hi god,
I am Shergil, Jimmy Shergil, Mohonbatein mera kaam hai, Jimmy mera naam hai!!! Kaisa laga? Got the hint, remember mohobatein???? I hope you do, and don't forget Kehta hai dil baar baar, though no one mentions it even EK BAAR, DAMN. Let me get to the point, I promise to smile a lot, I believe in killing with softness... In this year I pray that people came to see my movie, I know there is nothing worth seeing, but still yaar come on be nice to me!!, and hey one thing please keep sending mw worthless roles to do, specially in multiple hero movies, I thank you for making the producers realise that I cannot carry the movie on my own, or is that our little secret?? Anyway thanks for everything till now.
Mentioning Kehta Hai Dill Bar Baar, (Coz nobody ever will)
Jimmy
Mummy,
Sorry bhagvan, I was looking into the mirror and admiring myself and as everyone knows I look like my mom, I cried out mummy. By now I am sure you know who I am, it’s your very own Saif...... Saif Ali Khan, YEh Dil Lagi, remember????? I cannot remember any other role, oh yeah Dil Chahta hai, my famous dance, where I jumped around like a paralyzed bird...... Tujhe doodtha hoon main har kahin.......
Ok here the list of things that all the money my father mother and my horse wife, I mean Amrita Singh, earned could not fulfill. First of all I want some masculinity, please please please, People mistake me for my mothers daughter, and that’s not nice, they call me my wife’s sister, boo hoo!!!, and yeah some acting skills will be helpful too. I lost my dancing skills too, if you could find them for me I will be grateful.
In the mirror,
Saif.
Akhir Kyoon God?
This is not letter in peace, I demand some answers, and I need them now.
Why did Aishwarya leave me? Was my stalking her not good enough, Remember I was voted one of the 25 sexiest men on the planet hehehe, back to the point.
Forget Aishwarya, why is my hair leaving me, maine us ke liye kya kya nahin kiya, yahan taak ke maine hair weaving bhi karaya, but battameez mujhe chod kar mere pillow ke peeche bhag jata hai, On second thought I think I look so good after my hair weave that Aishwayrya was getting jealous that’s why she left.. Yup that’s it.
Another thing why are people so jealous of my non - dancing skills, and yeah please tell people not to complain when I go to the forest and kill innocent animals and not complain even when I run over the people themselves, that’s why I had to sneak up on them when they were sleeping1!! See I had a reason, and they accuse me of murder, how insensitive!!!
I have to go now, My weaver.. Oops stylist is calling me.
See u, remember Maine Tumse, Kimi Katkar se or Aishwarya se Pyaar Kiya.
Salman
Hey Dude what’s up?
Its me the prince, Roshan , Lets just call me Jr ok? I don't see the need to mention all the movies I have done as there are many, Lets face it I am here coz of my dad, and boy do I enjoy it.
Well keep me thin and flexible and of course, I know I am so good-looking that I need not mention it at all. Just when I have your attention, please explain to me this whole double thumb thing? I don't recall paying you anything less? Ok Ok you gave me the thumb, but what was the need to make it so ugly that even the extras and the spot boys will not shake my hand? This is not right ok!!!! It’s just plain mean.
I am so sad I am signing off now, But promise me you will keep sending bad scripts and stupid producers to me, so I may keep acting and making all the cash I don't deserve. And yeah please let my clothes designer always me Manish Malhotra, HE makes me look good in Tank tops, For proof see Kabhi Kushi Kabhi Gham. To tell you the truth, I feel pretty.... I mean handsome in his clothes; I mean the clothes he designs.
Well that’s all from me, write in soon, and love u god,
You’re very own pretty boy
Roshan Jr.
Ok enough , this is Shalini back again, these guys are sad, you decide all the prayers you want to hear. But I am also forwarding a huge list of a 100 million Indians who want these guys to stop embarrassing themselves and stop torturing us, So here is a mass prayer, Please stop these people from acting, in return, I promise not to eat chocolates for a day, I am ready to make such a huge sacrifice for a noble cause, consider it and let me know.
love
Shalini
