Harsha Bhogle: ''Welcome to the Basin Reserve, Wellington. I'm Harsha Bhogle and you are watching Star Sports. Since the Indian team is too busy shooting for their pending commercials and promotional campaigns, we here at Star, have decided to switch tracks and have a hot and lively debate on who the five best Bollywood actors are. We have plenty of celebrity guests like Navjot Singh Sidhu, Geoffrey Boycott, Mohammed Azharuddin and Sachin Tendulkar in today's debate, and as an icing to the cake, Raj Lalwani has taken time off from his busy schedule, to decide the final choices. (Clap,Clap!) Welcome to the show, Raj!''
Raj Lalwani: ''Jai Shree Raj!''
Harsha:'' So, let's start off by checking out the statistics as to which actor has given the most hits...''
Sidhu: ''No, Harsha! Remember, statistics are like miniskirts. They reveal what's unimportant, and hide the vital !''
Harsha: ''Er Sherry, this is a family program!''
Boycott: ''Aee aee aee, you bet it is. Crikeeeet and movies are what Indian families fight most about, right?''
Raj: ''Let's not drift off the topic, folks. Let me propose my first nominee, Naseerudin Shah.''
Sidhu: ''Aha! My old mate! I love him, simply because he lost to me in Super Selector! He spent twelve hours in front of his computer, trying to decide a team that could beat mine, and you should have seen his face when he lost. He looked just like a brooding hen over a china egg. Big outcry, little outcome, you see!''
Raj: (losing his cool) ''Do you remember we are discussing acting?''
Harsha: ''Er ... Sidhu, better chill off on the Sidhuisms for tonight, our star guest doesn't seem to appreciate them any more than we do!'' ''Er, Raj, could you tell us the reasons for your choice?''
Raj: ''Well, Naseerudin Shah is an actor who is brilliant in any role! He has played totally contrasting characters in all his films with aplomb. Who can forget his performances in Jaane Do Bhi Yaaron, Albert Pinto Ko Gussa Kyun Aata Hai ?, Masoom, Sarfarosh, Woh Saat Din, Mirch Masala and his latest, 3 Deewarein?''
Sidhu: ''You have hit the nail on the head, Raj! His only flaw was that whenever he chose his team ...''
Raj: (eyebrows raised, glares)
Sidhu: ''Er ... I was saying that he always bamboozles the audience. Wily old fox, the man!''
Raj: ''Hmm, for once, you spoke some sense. Anyway, my second choice is Rishi Kapoor.''
Tendulkar: ''Ailaa, he is, well, definitely a good actor because his hair are just like mine!''
Raj: ''Yeah, but you know, there is a difference, Rishi would pay his customs if he buys a Ferrari. Anyway, about him, he has given innumerable memorable performances in commercial flicks. After a National Award as a junior artiste in Mera Naam Joker, (the name of the movie, not my name!) he acted brilliantly in each and every movie he did. A penchant of comedy, a romantic face and skill for thrill makes him a truly versatile actor. Check him out in Karz, Khel Khel Mein, Hum Kisise Kum Nahin, Aap Ke Deewane,Amar Akbar Anthony, Saagar, Mera Naam Joker, Khoj, Bol Radha Bol, Deewane ... in short, do not miss a single movie of his!''
Raj: ''And no, Sidhu, I don't need your comments for him. My next nominee is Amol Palekar.''
Azharuddin: ''Well, Raj, you know, well, Amol uh Palekar, hmm, is my inspiration, you know, as he lies a lot in his movies, you know.''
Raj: ''That's his only drawback, I guess, Azhar. He's not as good a liar as you! Anyway, his memorable films include Choti Si Baat, Rang Birangi and of course, Golmaal. ''
Boycott: ''Raj, I agree that my specialization is cricket, or rather crickeeeet, yet, I am wondering why I have not heard of Mr. Palekar. Relative of Sunny Gavaskar?''
Raj: ''Well Geoffrey, or Sir Geoffrey as you like to be called, Amol Palekar was always grossly under rated, and not as famous as the superstars in his era. Anyway, let me introduce my next nominee, who I'm sure you will know. Sh-Sh-Sh-Sh-Sh-Sh-Sh ...''
Harsha: ''Everyone is quiet with anticipation, no need to say 'Sssh' so many times!''
Raj: ''Oh no, I was stuttering as an ode to my favourite actor, Shah Rukh Khan.''
Boycott: ''Roobish! Even the Prince Of Calcoota would act and even dance (!) better than him.''
Harsha: (winking) ''It's no more a secret that Geoffrey hates SRK because well, SRK threw down his object of affection and fascination, Shilpa Shetty in the movie 'Baazigar'.''
Raj: ''Aha, your story sounds similar to the movie 'Shaukeen', Sir Geoffrey! Lusting after young beauties, you naughty boy! Let me tell you why SRK is so high on my list. His movies guarantee one thing - you will never ever get bored. Although people accuse him of monotony, he has played diverse roles convincingly, and in addition given those roles the SRK touch. His best performances have been Dilwale Dulhania Le Jayenge, Darr, Baazigar, Kabhi Haan Kabhi Naa and Asoka. Moreover, he is at his funniest best in movies like Yes Boss and Baadshah. The only tolerable element of K3G and Chalte Chalte, his presence livens up the screen! And, ofcourse, an added fact in him being my favourite is that he is invariably named 'Raj' in his movies!''
''And before Sherry calls SRK a rattlesnake or some other creature, let me present the final nominee, Aamir Khan, who is every cricketer's envy, because of the aplomb with which he played cricket in the movies 'Awwal Number' and 'Lagaan' His middle name is 'Versatility'. He has played everything, from a loverboy in QSQT, to a father fighting for his son's custody in Akele Hum Akele Tum, to the prankster in the rip-roaring Andaz Apna Apna (Haila!). Having taken India to the Oscars with Lagaan, he was incredible in the most incredible movie of all, Dil Chahta Hai. His only non - achievement, I guess, would be to have not won the Oscar statuette. If only he had won!''
Sidhu: ''No, Raj! If ifs and ands were pots and pans, there would be no tinkers!''
Raj: ''Sherry, we are discussing actors, not creating an advertisement for Vim Bar which would help clean pots and pans!''
Harsha: ''So, I guess that would be it. We have had an enlightening programme. All thanks to Raj, and no thanks to Sherry. We will meet you on this same channel, on a different day, at a different time. You can send us your comments and choices by clicking below on 'Comment on this review'. And please, only comments, all abuses vented on Sidhu's commentary must not be posted here!
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