May 05, 2005 09:52 AM
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(Updated May 05, 2005 09:52 AM)
Le Apparel Kel Eterange
The very strange apparel… It’s “freedom” language…
Dressing for a formal party or for an informal party is an art. In fact dressing up itself is an art. There are only a very few concepts involved in this art. Once you master them, you’ll find yourself being an outrageously popular fellow in any party!(Unless you aren’t fond of wearing shoes anywhere else but your feet…)… However, let me introduce you to those concepts once and for all…
Le Review
Le cannot speak la “Freedom” language much… merci muchas(le help! help!)…
Like always, we can classify our concepts in two parts—the ones you must obey and the ones you must never obey. I’ve never been to too many formal parties before. A party to celebrate passing a difficult exam doesn’t classify as formal and that’s just about as close as I’ve gotten to one(I don’t like attending marriages and engagements because I never get to even see the bride and groom let alone meet them and speak with them…). So I’ll content myself to writing about the “Don’ts”. I cannot write “Dos” as well as “Don’ts” because the faults of others are more clearly visible.
Le Never Do This for It Is Le Diabolique
Le Mu-Haa, Ha-Haa
I could give another very beautiful title to this section of the review. I call it the “KISSED” read “K-I-S-S-E-D”… The full form of the “KISS” part will differ with each concept. “ED” stands for “Extremely Disastrous”. Read on…
KISSED 1—Keeping it Showy and Surreal
I remember the publication function of my father’s first book. We’d organized a small get together at home and invited some of my father’s former classmates at IIM-A and close relatives. Describing two people in the crowd and how others reacted to them would explain my point…
Le KISSED[1] Monsieur One
He was wearing a really faded denim jacket over a black T-shirt and military track pants. He was walking with a weird jerk to his waist and he had a thick Tom Woody style pair of spectacles on his eyes. My aunt said to her 15-year-old daughter, pointing towards Sujoy:
“Keep away from it.”
Le KISSED[1] Monsieur Two
He was wearing an extremely tight T-Shirt with very short sleeves revealing his tree-trunk biceps. He was wearing tight track-pants too, revealing his oak-trunk thighs. I was wondering why Ramakant hadn’t worn a headband. My uncle was asking me, glancing at him all the time:
“Have you arranged for alcohol and belly dancers?”
“No, ” I replied, appalled.
“Isn’t that a bouncer?”
== KISSED 2—Keeping it Shining-Shining==
The same function had another guest, a lady who called herself “Miss Trivedi”. She was wearing something that nobody had ever imagined. He blouse was black and it had an array of glittering laces arranged in neat squares all over it, making me feel it’s a glowing-hot toaster…(Jesus Christ, I just said “glowing-hot-toaster” about a “Miss Trivedi”…)… Her skirt was black with lace of the same color, but running parallel to her waist(the waist… repeat… red-hot-toaster). Her belt had a buckle that was a mirror, an inch-squared. My mother had to welcome her and while doing so she had a rather bemused expression. She did that by saying—
“Welcome my dear. I’m sorry the air-conditioner is not working. But then you won’t need the ladies’ room mirror to patch your make-up up, would you? You could use your belt! We need guests like you on such days!”
I suppose that explains what effect of such rather “glitzy” clothing can have. I distinctly remember having seen Aishwarya Rai wearing a funny blouse(torn here and there inartistically, creating unsightly lumps and folds of skin everywhere) that had mirrors all over the front, tiny minuscule ones. Gosh I was wondering if someone would swoop and face her blouse just to see if his/her hair’s tidy. That would be nightmarish!
KISSED 3—Keeping it Short and Sweet
All I want to say under this section is—all ladies will agree.
Le Points That Le Still Need Le Mention
Le, huh? Le, eh?
There are a few other things that one should keep in mind and NOT DO. Among them, remember:
· Dark tan formal boots don’t go with salwaar kameez
· High heels look interesting on men all right, but not to the straight other male fellow-guests(get me?)
· Men—avoid Kurtis
· Men, again—don’t pin your kerchief to your breast-pocket.
· Ladies—please don’t pin your kerchief to the neck of your dress(Jesus, I’ve seen that!).
Le Last Paragraph Apologetique
Le author is le sarcastique…
I hope there wasn’t a puritan linguist reading this review. I’m sure reading it would sum up to be his most nightmarish ten-minutes. In case there was one reading it, the only thing I have to say is-stop being le idiotique…!
Le Conclusion Finale
Le strictly non-dramatique…
Conceptual knowledge freaks me out.
