Have you ever spent hours dressing up, worked real hard at getting everything right, and then been told simply that you looked better in the clothes you were wearing the day before? (I assure you, if my reader is male, this is not a polite way of asking if you?re gay? it?s a serious question). Well, I don?t think I have faced such a situation. In fact, I?ve been told often that it?s time I start caring about how look! As if I need to?!
# # #
So, there again, since I am not a veteran in standing for interviews, I can?t give you too many ?dos? about dressing at an interview. I can give you don?ts. The ?Don?t Wear This? list has several parts, depending on the gender of the candidate. Get me?
X stands for the interviewer, I?ll play the male candidate, some Suzy the female candidate.
FOR MEN
Garb of fantasy?1
(Laxman sticks his head in through the door to ask if he can come in? X welcomes him?)
X: Good afternoon, Laxman.
(Recoils in his chair as though someone shoved a jackhammer into his belly.)
X:Interesting, erm? outfit, Mr. Laxman.
Laxman: Thank you.
X: Most unconventional, as well! I?m used to seeing pin-striped blues or more formal checkered shirts. I?ve never seen anything quite like this?
(Laxman smiles in a self-satisfied fashion.)
X: Your shirt looks like it was fuchsia sometime down the line but you dipped it in dilute salmon-gray die. Your right sleeve is shocking pink and your left sleeve is green. And it?s half a sleeve on the one side and the fuller one on the other
(Laxman chortles as though he?s being appreciated).
Laxman: It expresses me sir.
X: What expresses you? Your extraordinary shirt? Or is it that your trousers are sky blue denim with?what do you call it??lavender stains on it?
Laxman: This kind of dressing is called?
(Suddenly, another member of the panel, a lady?call her J?interrupts).
J: Sir he?s dressed to kill. Please call for a respirator. I, for one, am suffering severe seizures.
Garb of fantasy?2
(Laxman pokes his head in to ask for permission.)
Laxman: May I, sir?
X: Most certainly, please be seated right opposite me here.
Laxman: Thank you, sir.
X (choking on his glass of water the moment he sees his candidate): Nice? nice to see you (apparently straining to make it sound genuine).
Laxman: Of course, it is sir!
(Gestures at his attire).
X: In which country will you be admired for dressing in traditional attire?
(Once more, J decides to voice her opinion).
J: Burkina Faso, I believe. Am I right, Laxman?
X: Heck no, J, it looks more like a remote corner of Tahiti to me.
J: I was thinking along those lines.
Laxman: You see sir, this shirt?
X: Do you call it a shirt? I see? what color is it?
Laxman (Severely put off): Purple.
X: Interesting?
J: On a happier note, X, I?m not going to complain to Mr. J for wearing red shirts.
Garb of fantasy?3
X: So, Laxman, you could have opted for tomorrow as your interview date.
Laxman (not particularly understanding what he meant): Is interviewing me today an inconvenience to you, sir?
X: Not really? you could have phoned me and told me your neighbour ran his lawnmower over you? I would have adjusted timings.
Laxman: The shirt is supposed to be cut like this, sir!
X: I can understand if he runs his mower over you?all neighbours hate each other?but on the retail store you buy from? You better negotiate with him.
# # #
That?s what you get with people who try to do something ?modern? about their clothing. But quirky cogs are found in every single kind of people. Even those who keep their dresses conventional. Odd, yes, but still not the ?never-seen-before? types. Take this for example?
Attire of the enigma?1
(Laxman comes in. He?s wearing a sherwani complete with a chudidar and an opulent dupatta and everything excepting the turban).
X: Laxman, my fellow, tell me. Something happening around you?
Laxman: (nonplussed): I don?t get it.
X: You young men make such a hurry. How come you got yourself married before you took your first ever job interview. You must have been?what is it called??head over heels in love!
Laxman: I?m not married.
X: About to be?
Laxman: Not yet.
X: Eloped?
Laxman: Talk sense, sir!
X: Living in?
Laxman: Is this the Oprah Winfrey show?
# # #
FOR WOMEN
Miss TimBakKachoo?1
(Suzy pokes her head in, in a really irritating TV-diva-imitation of a voice, asks if she can enters and then gingerly?which looks like she?s walking on a soapy floor?sits down on a chair. While she does so, it is obvious her clothes are an obstruction to any free movement whatsoever.)
X (addressing J): What all children will do to reach on time!
J (in apparent agreement): I know. Suzy, dear, do you want to wait a minute or two to breathe before we begin?
Suzy (nonplussed): I?m fine, thank you.
J: No look, dear, we?re nice people. We understand.
X: Yes, we do. Dear, if you?d told us you didn?t have clothes that fit you, you could have chosen tomorrow as a date. We could have made that adjustment.
(Others in the panel nod in agreement and smile to encourage Suzy).
Suzy: I don?t get it.
J: Suzy, that shirt of yours is stopping all blood supply to the neck and above. You might find it difficult to think. Let?s just postpone her appointment shall we, X? It?s plainly dangerous to continue now.
Miss TimBakKachoo?2
(Suzy enters, smiles, twists her body at three different locations, and sits down on the chair as if she?s a snake uncoiling itself? a nice semicircular trajectory being traced by her waist in the process).
X: Suzy, it?s December.
Suzy (making a very weird expression of being nonplussed): I know, sir.
X: J, keep a doc online. Tell him we have hypothermia?stage 2. And before that, give her your shawl?
J: Suzy, dear, the last things you expose in winter are your arms and legs. Extremities lose heat fastest. (Gets up to give her the shawl, gesturing her not to move... goes up to her and starts draping the shawl around her bare legs).
Suzy (thoroughly embarrassed, trying to deal with the situation with wit? in a dropped voice): Erm? I thought I did wax them yesterday. My beautician is loosing her touch, it seems.
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