That was my first screaming reaction, when my BOYFRIEND first told me about your new film, "Dostana"! I was thrilled. Yoo-hoo - Bollywood finally coming of age, willing to accept alternative sexuality and all that....
I thought, now who else but dear old KJO to come up with this pioneering effort**?
Even after realizing later that it wasn't really "gay-gay", but actually just "pretend-to-be-gay" and all, I was still, well, okay with it!
So, feeling extremely excited, we sauntered into Fame, wearing our best pink shirts, and occupied a dark corner, all waiting breathlessly for a glimpse of John's (Kunal) much publicized bu(t)t crack. And he didn't disappoint.. Swoon...faint...what a body!!! (Tell me, Karan, how many retakes did you shoot, you naughty boy? Do you have any "more revealing" angles in the "Director's cut", wink wink?)
Right from the first frame, we knew why you chose John for the role...ahem...fantasy..and all that! Well, yes, I know it was Tarun Mansukhani who was directing, but we can all guess who's ghost-directing, can't we? So, John emerges from the ocean flaunting his muscles and adjusts his short trunks. Of course, there is also a bevy of damsels in bikinis led by the out-of-work-and-grateful-for-an-appearance-even-if-its-for-an-item-song Shilpa Shetty, who cavort around him.
Then, we are introduced to Abhishek (Sameer), **who incidentally is not a patch on John when it comes to sexiness, with all that stubble, dark circles under eyes, podgy muscles etc. But, then, he is supposed to be the "cool and witty" guy... whatever...
And just to make it amply clear that in reality, the two guys are not fags, I mean, that they are straight as a rod, we find both of them in their respective beds in ...err...compromising positions with some females, (extras basically)!
After which, the problem (and this contrived tale) begins...
Since both the hotties are desperate for a house in Miami (where the movie is conveniently set up to avoid any legal hurdles back home), they land up at the same PG apartment where the caretaker is a fat, middle aged lady (Sushmita Mukherjee trying to stir up some laughs, in vain sadly). She is the aunt of an orphaned Priyanka (Neha) who lives in the apartment all alone and hence cannot share it with two hot hunks. Solution? The guys fake it as gays and lo - the room is theirs!
Then beings a series of events, which I'm afraid, I forced myself to laugh, just to make sure my paisa was vasool. Except, perhaps, the Kirron Kher track, it was quite an effort to do so!
I won't get into the rest of the boring details of the story, which drags on and on, but just a few points and observations, all my own work...
1) Boman Irani overacting as Priyanka's gay boss did not really add to the story in any way, nor did he make me laugh.
2) Abhishek's effeminate act in the narrative was a put-off, especially for us. (You know, we don't particularly appreciate stereotyping of gays that way**!)
3) Priyanka confiding to John-Abhishek about her preference for hairy guys....or chest hair...**eewws, do nice girls like her actually discuss such things with their male friends?
4) Booby Darling. Sorry, Bobby Deol, looked like a fish out of water. **What was that about him claiming to be "good in bed" when circumstantial evidence proves otherwise? I mean, he himself says his wife ran away with another man - so dude, we aren't convinced! Unless you mean, you are good in bed with. You know who..
5) John-Abhishek using Bobby's young kid to manipulate his emotions was cruel and this is not resolved until the very end. I mean, at one point of time, the Priyanka-Bobby affair is on the rocks because of the non-acceptance by the kid and at the end, it becomes a non-issue? Just because the two straight guys kissed...
6) Which brings me to the most unconvincing part - the climax where Bobby-Priyanka force the two heroes to kiss, after realizing that they are straight! What was the logic? How come two straight guys kissing each other full on the lips prove their friendship for a girl? And everyone seriously goes along this plot? If you ask me, it was nothing but a contrived act just to get the two mainstream heroes to kiss each other.. **if so, you should have atleast done full justice and shown the kiss full-blown and not hidden it!!!
Sorry, Karan baby, I expected better!
The songs were okayish...only the theme song "Jaane Kyun dil jaanta hai...tu hai to I'll be alright" was worth remembering, but could have been used more effectively. The rest were forgettable and in fact dragged the film even more!
Next time, you better do a Brokeback Mountain head-on! This was neither here nor there. And, finally, to end it.
