~ The Nest That Remained Empty ~. Review on Dealing with Miscarriage

This review has biographical shades , this has happened to someone close to me, hence I have written the exact cause. I hope no one finds the parts of the conversation objectionable/vulgar. My intention is just to show that a little miscommunication can cause a waste of life and upset the lives of those who are involved. This incident touches a raw nerve and while writing this I am not exactly in the right frame of mind.

Brij kept on pressing the doorbell incessantly, after a tiring drive he was in no mood to stand and wait outside the door. The last few weeks had taken a toll on him, he was getting irritated and he started banging the door. The door opened after a minute, he was about to start the tirade, he was shocked to see a disheveled Sanjyot. Her eyes were swollen from continuous crying, her nose red due to constant wiping. Her face was looking gaunt and she was still sniffing, it looked as if she had been crying for hours. He dropped his bag on the sofa, came towards her and hugged her tightly. She started crying bitterly, he let her cry for some time and then gave her some water to drink. He waited for few minutes so that she calmed down a bit and was in a position to tell him what had happened.

He gently asked her what had happened, she started sobbing again and in between the sobs told him that their neighbour, Mrs. Gupta was telling her daughter, Rinku that Sanjyot Aunty does not have any kids and most probably will not have any of them, so she does not like you making noise or playing. Brij felt very angry towards Mrs. Gupta, he was wondering how one could be so callous towards Sanjyot, who had recently suffered a miscarriage.

Sanjyot was sleeping like a baby after taking the medicines she was prescribed by the doctor. He was staring out in the darkness of the night, reflecting how happily they were enjoying their married life since last three months back. Barely five weeks had passed and they received the good news that they were about to become proud parents in another eight months. They had initially postponed having a child so soon but they were filled with ecstasy upon hearing the news. All of a sudden, Sanjyot started having problems, so they went to an Obstetrician. She advised them to get Sonography done. The report was not a complete source of joy. She was instructed to have complete bed-rest and travel was strictly prohibited.

Few days passed peacefully but they had to give in to the demand to visit their hometown to celebrate the first festival with them. They reached safely after travelling on potholed roads, stayed there for couple of days then they returned back home. The travel had taken its toll on Sanjyot and she started having problems again. Upon a repeat scan, she was told that her baby was no more; she could not believe her ears that she had miscarried, her world was shattered. They returned to her Obstetrician who confirmed the sad news to them.

They did not know how to react to this alarming situation. They both became withdrawn from each other and barely spoke to each other. This went on for some time and one of their friends thought of jolting them back to reality. The friend took them to a Psychiatrist, who during the course of conversation came out with many revelations. Some excerpts from their conversation:

Psychiatrist (Psy): When did you plan to have a baby?

Brij: We planned to have a baby in the second year of our marriage.

Psy: What precautions were you taking? Did your doctor counsel you on different types of options available?

Sanjyot: My family doctor recommended taking pills.

Psy: Did she ask you any questions about your menstrual cycle? How did she frame the question?

Sanjyot: Yes, she asked when was the last time I had my periods.

Psy: Did you reply correctly? Which day did you tell her it was?

Sanjyot: yes, I told her the date of the last day.

Psy: There you went wrong, both your reply as well as the doctors framing of the question was wrong. During my stint as a counselor, I have come across many similar cases, so I make it a point to ask these questions to my patients. The doctor should have asked, “When was the first day of your last period?” This mis-communication has led to your miscarriage.

Both Brij and Sanjyot were shocked to hear this. The Psychiatrist advised them to visit their Obstetrician, who also confirmed this was the cause of the miscarriage. They returned for another session a little bit subdued.

In the second session, the psychiatrist dwelled more on the psychological aspect. He asked them whether they had discussed about this mishap. Both replied in negative. He then proceeded to tell them that they should have discussed this openly and try to come out of it else, it would remain hanging between them. Do not think that the other would feel sad if they discussed it, instead it would remain like a festering wound if not discussed.

For a while, he spoke to each one individually in the absence of the other. He also told Brij that Sanjyot would be feeling very low for a while both emotionally as well as physically. She might feel incomplete as she loses a part of her, the baby that was inside her womb. The loss of hers can never be compensated and she must face the reality of the loss. You should try to involve her in some activities like taking up some hobby or a job so there is some change in her life. You both can go for a short vacation so that she can recuperate both emotionally as well as physically. Let her meet different people if possible and try to return to normality as soon as possible. She may feel like crying at times, she should be given moral, and emotional support for it is a great loss to her.

The intensity of grieving of a father and a mother is different so do not tell her that even you have suffered the same loss but you are much more normal than her. Do not force her to become a mother soon, her body needs rest and will be ready in its own time. If advised, proper medication at regular intervals should be taken to heal soon. There may be slim chances of another miscarriage or she may never become a mother again, so proper advice should be taken from the Obstetrician regarding the same. No one should taunt her regarding her motherhood. You should also ensure that she eats properly to regain her health. Make it known to her that no matter what you still love her. Help her to bounce back. Brij listened to him attentively and promised that he will do his best to help her.

Continued in the Comments section