I'm Just a Fool For You Baby. Review on Dealing with Hysteria

Disclaimer - This has been written in a tongue in cheek manner and is not meant to be either an endorsement of the commercialisation of romance or a denigration of those who use V-day to spend quality time with their loved ones. It is merely an observation on the sad state where women and men fall for commercial traps, and buy teddy bears and pink hearts believing that's what love is all about!

The Valentine’s Day hysteria has hit us. It’s just two days to V-Day, and most of the male population, under pressure to demonstrate their love publicly, thoughtfully, sensitively, and expensively, is running about wide eyed and panic stricken, trying to find the perfect gift, and match it to the size of their wallets.

Those who are not one half of a happy jodi are struggling to ignore that sinking feeling that comes with having to sit at home, or in the office, watching other people get bouquets of flowers, heart shaped chocolate boxes, and hear breathless talk about plans for that evening. All that’s left for them to do is choke in envy and try and forget their hopelessly single state.

I’m not a Valentine’s day fan. I hate red heartshaped ballons, and I hate pink, and I hate cards overflowing with the kind of sentimental nonsense that makes me want to run for the nearest toilet and throw up, and I hate that business establishments think that the general population is stupid enough to believe that a soft toy, or bouquet of flowers, or shiny diamond ring will make or break a relationship.

I also hate the fact that even though I consider myself to be sane and sensible, though not unromantic, I still fall for commercial hype and sometimes forget that it is an indication of love that my DH suffers sympathy pain the minute I get sick, and sulk that I don’t have one of the heart shaped cards, and the biggest bouquet of flowers among all my friends to show off, or a diamond ring like the jewellery shops say I must have, or a booking at the most expensive restaurant in town dining on a ‘specially for lovers' meal laced with foods having the dubious distinction of being aphrodisiacs!

So I will soothe my feelings with advice on how to handle V-Day hysteria, dished out both to Cupids Fools and to those who ask Cupid Who?

Cupid’s Fool-If you happen to be one of those harrassed individuals who are Cupid’s fools, this day is about public demonstration of what is supposed to be a very private feeling. This means getting your loved one a gift. Sometimes your loved one says she doesn’t believe in V day, doesn't want a gift, and that it is a fake festival, created by jewellers, florists and greeting card manufacturers. Don’t let your heart foolishly leap for joy at these words. If she has to watch others gloat over all the things she has asked you not to get her, there will definitely be fireworks at home for you that evening, but not the kind you expected. The fact that she was the one who asked you not to waste your hard earned money on meaningless symbols doesn’t mean a thing here.

So what do you get? The ads all say jewellery, but if you’ve watched Blood Diamond, you are already probably convinced that that bit of shiny rock is only going to add to some poor black man’s misery, and want to spare your conscience and wallet that guilt.

A fancy meal instead? Sure if you like cliches. And book now if you don’t want to end up either standing in queue at 10.00pm at your fave restaurant’s door, or on the beach buying her sundal/vada pav. Not that there’s anything wrong with spending an evening on the beach watching the sunset, eating sundal/vada pav, but on V-Day? Hyuk!

So what else can you do that won’t end up making your sweetie feel bad when the girls get together to discuss whose man loves them the most?

Here's one time size matters. Get her a huge bunch of flowers - not red roses, but exotic flowers, preferably from a foreign land. Make sure the card accompanying it has at least two lines stating why your life is not worth living without her- feel free to borrow inspiration from the poetry sites online. Get her a huge box of fancily wrapped chocolates, order in the kind of meal she absolutely loves, and set it on the table with candles and all the other trappings all those women’s magazines suggest. Make sure you have freshly laundered sheets on your bed(no candles though -the kind of fire you want is not the kind the fire-brigade has to put out) arrange for kind parents or in-laws to baby-sit the kids, and enjoy your evening.

If you’re going to go ahead and buy gifts, here’s a list of what not to get:

• a travel iron or anything else that smacks of being useful

  
  




• lingerie that looks stunning on a mannequin, but will get lost on a woman with ample curves

  
  




• a gift certificate

  
  




• something you can use later

  
  

Cupid Who?-Lots of people hate having couplehood rubbed into their faces on V-Day for reasons other than the fact that they are alone. These range from thinking romance doesn’t have to follow commercial dictates, that V-Day is just about giving, because they have just broken up, or simply because they like being single.

For those who can’t or won’t join the battalion of Cupid’s fools, there’s plenty to do to keep up the cheer. Accept a generous helping of the chocolates the person in the cubicle next to you has just received, have a hot bath and stay home with a good movie you’ve rented. Sounds too tame? Well, what are friends for if not to boost each other’s morale whenever needed. Make this evening a girl's night or a boy’s night out and enjoy the knowledge that you are having fun without fattening the wallets of sundry soft toy, chocolate and greeting card makers, restaurateurs and florists.

If there’s anybody, other than commercial establishments, who benefits from this fake festival, please tell me about it. Till then on Valentine’s day I will stay home, eat that box of chocolates I bought for myself, watch a sappy movie, and remind myself that there is enough love in my life to see me through this one heartshaped balloon day!