Oct 25, 2001 03:05 AM
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To many, the word cancer equals death, suffering. One must realize that many types of cancer can be effectively treated, even cured. There are some forms that are more difficult to treat. I am going to tell you my experience with cancer. I pray that it may provide some type of comfort to anyone who might need it.
Several years ago, my father became sick with vague symptoms. He was tired, vomiting occasionally, not sleeping, and who knows what else. He was bad to keeps things to himself to protect me from worry. But I could tell, and I have never seen him like that before. He had an almost eerie look on his face. At that time, I knew deep in my heart that things would never be the same.
After much persuading from me, we went to visit my doctor. I don’t think my dad had been to a doctor since his days in the navy. After a lot of exams and medications, he didn’t feel much better. I packed him up and took him to my house where I could look to his needs. He didn’t argue. Again, I got an eerie feeling in my heart.
Several days later, I received a phone call from the doctor. I needed to rush dad to the hospital. He was going into kidney failure. Some lab reports had just come back. Everything was so messed up. The doctor said he could not believe it. I agreed, and more labs were done to double check. My dad and I laughed at the goofy people in the hospital. I lied when I told him that mistakes are made all the time. He had some x-rays and other procedures to rule out kidney failure. We waited and wondered. I bit off all my fingernails; dad just looked in disbelief. He had no insurance, no savings, no retirement, and no job. I assured him that I would take care of it, no matter the cost.
In the late hours of the night, a doctor came by to explain some unusual results they had received from x-ray. It seems that not only was dad going into kidney failure; he had numerous masses all over his body causing this. The doctor showed us abnormal spots on his lungs, on his adrenal glands, and prostate. Later they found cancer of the bone, the brain and the testicles. I felt horrified, and I would not believe it until I saw for myself. Biopsies were performed, and of course, the word terminal was said. He was given 6 months to live. The doctors suggested comfort measures but I wanted a cure for my father. I was in denial for sure and so was my father. We both just knew it could be treated. So the treatments started, but only for the prostate cancer. That was what caused the acute symptoms dad was dealing with at the moment. One prescription was about two hundred dollars a week. There were many more he had to take too. We were both emotionally and physically drained. We were also getting financially depleted.
The pain became so intense; it was unbearable to watch him suffer. After several visits to the doctor, dad was finally given a narcotic for pain. The way our healthcare industry limits narcotics to people with this kind of pain makes no sense at all. I will never forgive that physician for denying my father the pain medication he needed. I was tempted to go to the streets for medication. But I did no such thing, and my dad continued to suffer. He began radiation to target the effected bones. After a few treatments, he started to feel better. He even cooked breakfast one morning.
When I was alone, in another room, at times I would cry like I never knew was possible. Sometimes, I would throw plates at the wall. When my dad was up and alert, I would put on the bravest front you could imagine. All the while, my heart was breaking.
I became withdrawn, stayed away from everybody except my dad and my son(which, by the way, is named after my dad). I took a leave from work. We spent every moment together. We became even closer through this crisis, if possible. We laughed, joked, made fun of each other, and made fun of other members of our family. We had a great time together. We also cried.
During this horrible ordeal, my dad taught me a lot about attitude. His attitude was usually positive, but not unrealistic. He had accepted his inevitable death and reminded me that we all soon must face death. Sounds logical, but it did not help me very much.
One day, dad started with seizures, and his verbal skills were failing him. I knew that it would be soon. I tried to prepare my family and myself. That task was impossible. He passed away one night, 6 months after the diagnosis, with me at his bedside.
For anyone faced with cancer, either yourself or someone you love, my heart goes out to you. You will feel so many emotions, and know that it is normal. For those attempting to help another, respect their right to be angry, sad, or guilty. You will see many more emotions expressed as well. Never try better the situation with cute remarks like, stating that God never gives us more than we can handle. You will make the guilt increase. Respect their right to show emotion. Respect their beliefs. Be honest but do not push. Just be there for them.
Due to the treatments involved with cancer, you will witness a lot of physical symptoms. It really depends on where the cancer is found. Pain, fatigue, anemia, nausea, vomiting, rash, diarrhea, insomnia, and constipation seem to stand out in my mind. There were many more. In the late stages, there is loss of bowel and bladder control, and disorientation was present.
In closing, I would like to write something from my heart. If you love someone diagnosed with terminal cancer, you will face one of the biggest challenges in life. You can help this person just by being by their side. Please, show that you care-just be there! You will inevitably learn more about life and what is truly important through this experience. I know that I did.
