Apr 09, 2005 11:55 AM
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(Updated Apr 11, 2005 10:08 AM)
- Secret of winning a game of Sex doesn’t lie between two legs… but two ears, same is true for Chess as well. Perhaps, only difference between the two is… In former, both of opponents can win!
India has been pioneer in both of these timeless beautiful creations, after getting involved one often forgets sole existence of himself.( For some Trivia… Chess was born in India centuries back with name of CHATURANGA. Maharani Mandodari (wife of Ravana) invented it during Ramayana days in an attempt to keep Rakshasas busy in some constructive work Needless to say anything more about Vatsyan-Kamasutra-Sex creation, which even kids know :) )
A successful game of Chess and Sex has three distinct phases - Start Game, Middle Game and End Game.
Phase #1: Rendez-woo * *
Start game is the most beautiful and crucial part of the game. It should be strong enough to lay the foundation stone, on which entire structure has to rest. This is the time when you get a chance to understand the mood of your opponent…whether he is ‘Slow & Cautious’ or ‘Fast & Furious’…whether it’s going to be a soothing walk in cool breeze, or a galloping ride in the woods; both of the styles being equally incredible in its own way.
From Queen Gambit to Ruy Lopez … Missionary to ‘Women on Top’, host of openings have been created by Grandmasters. But let’s leave it all for professionals… pick and choose something which comes natural to you. It might be your pet move, where you are an expert or a quest for unique variation driven by your sixth sense.
*Phase #2: Enter-the-Dragon *
Most of the amateurs make biggest mistake of their life by rushing through this phase. Play this phase very carefully. Try to summon up your strength by placing each piece on right position. Every single piece of Chess n Sex has its own significance; make sure that you do complete justice with each one of them.
Fore-play is more enthralling and cherishing than coitus, prolong it as long as you can. Whenever you get tensed, hold your breath and relax for a while. Have enough patience to climb up the hill… any premature attack before your reach pinnacle is hara-kiri. Slowly and steadily invade your pieces in opponent’s territory. Advance your pawns to break opponent’s castle and make his king vulnerable to attack. As the bloody war begins and game catches its tempo, Chess n Sex seamlessly transitions from Phase #2 to Phase #3.
Phase #3: Check and ‘Mate’
By this time, all the prelim formalities are over. Most of the pieces protecting your king are ripped off the chess board. Gladiators are all charged like bull to clash for a duel. Eyes starts burning like red ambers, fists get clenched, beads of sweat starts forming on forehead, pulse starts rising with deafening heartbeat & nostrils chugs and puffs hot air with a whistle.
At this point, offence is the best defense, Keep building pressure on your opponent by giving checks as and when you get an opportunity. Keep scoring points and head towards climax.
Put all your strength and strategies to corner the King. Spread your tentacles from all sides, without leaving much space for him to move. As he gets tired enough and all set to surrender...... Zooommm!!! Check and Mate. Unexpected and out of the blue cometh final blow of sword, setting him free from vagaries of life. Numb and motionless drenched in sweat, thanking his heavens to gift him Ultimate MOKSHA.
Critics might question authenticity of my ideology, accusing a virgin unmarried bachelor spouting gyaan over Sex tips. I can even foresee cliché “practice before you preach” crossing over many minds. What I have in defense is a twin liner by Emily Dickinson:
- Success is counted sweetest, by those who ne'er succeed.
To comprehend a nectar, requires sorest need.
Thanks a lot everyone for spending your precious time. It would be inspiring enough, if you can RRC my review as well. Humble request from experienced individuals to share their feedback to enrich us naïve soles.
I wanted to post this article under somethig like 'Tips on successful sexual life'..But unfortunately MS doesn't have anything like that.
