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It tastes just like malted battery acid!
Dec 24, 2001 12:53 AM 3670 Views
(Updated Dec 24, 2001 12:54 AM)

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Title, courtesy Berke Breathed, Bloom County cartoonist.


You'd think from this title that I really detest Coke. Nothing could be farther from the truth. In fact, for years, I harbored one of the largest Coca-Cola addictions known to humankind. I would drink a 20 oz. bottle daily, at the very minimum, and always accompany a restaurant meal with a glass (assuming, of course, I wasn't at a chain owned by Pepsi. Quick note: Las Vegas is largely owned by Pepsi) or more, depending on the free refill policies.


Coca-Cola was my savior through long night classes filled with Statistics, Sociology, Microbiology, International Relations, and the like. My nerves would be frayed, but my Coca-Cola was there for me, with its wonderful acidic bite, and soothing bubbles. Ahhh, refreshment!


Luckily, I eventually broke this addiction, so I'm down to maybe a glass a week, when I hit Rigatoni's, a little cheap Italian chain we have in the San Francisco area. Water is my new savior.


Still, with every minor Coca-Cola indulgence I allow myself, I always savor the bite, which cleanses my pallette of whatever may have been previously polluting it. The finish on every sip is clean, with not one bit of residue or aftertaste to remind me of its passage. The bubbles soothe away any traces of bite, and they slide down my throat with a lullaby.


I've found Coca-Cola to be a nice alternative medication for a couple of common ailments: stomach upset, and congestion. Nothing clears a throat like the bubbles in a can of Coke. Additionally, I've found that if I'm ever sick to my stomach, Coke is one of the only things that will cure my nausea: 7UP, the other remedy, makes me feel worse.


Of course, what would otherwise be a beverage fit for the gods, has many a downside as well. The first: the calories. The average size bottle of Coca-Cola sold in the United States is a 20 oz., and contains somewhere in the neighborhood of 400-500 calories, all empty, and related to the high sugar content. The second: the globalization which has led to significant Third World woe. Several nutritionists have noted that otherwise malnourished people have turned to drinking Coca-Cola and Fanta sodas, due to the prestige factor, instead of spending their money on food. This is known as the ''Fanta Syndrome.'' Source of information: Benjamin Barber, ''Jihad vs. McWorld.''


Nonetheless, none of the above cons have completely deterred me from indulging in this beverage periodically. And, I think, that's what's truly frightening about Coca-Cola... You won't be able to completely break the addiction once you've started on that scary path...


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