I asked my pal one day, after a nasty break-up with my sixth girlfriend (in a single month) why I was so unpopular among the girls.
He took a deep swig from his coke can. Automatically, so did I. Both of us stopped in our tracks. We took a good look at each other.
And I got the answer.
Dukaaaaaaar!
I was sitting in my chemistry class. Our teacher, Mr Alti was speaking about halogen derivatives of alkanes and their interaction with Sodium Alkoxide. He was rambling about the interchange of the halide radical with the alkoxide radical (and a lot of similar uninteresting stuff). The stupor was overwhelming… I had to distract myself from sinking into the torpor….
I noticed a girl in my class looking at Mr Alti with a transfixed look not associated with studious geeks getting a treat of their lives, but with the stupid flash that I see on Shah Rukh's face in his latest movie (as of 6 May, 2004).
Something caught the teacher's attention and he called out for me. ''You are not paying attention to what's going on in the class!''
Knowing how invisible I am on the last bench of the class behind the largest bloke of our class, I wondered what caught his attention.
You guessed it!
Dukaaaaaaaaar!
*
The ''Dukaaaaaaaaar!'' has meddled in my life for a very long time now. It began with the nasty tingle you get in the nose when you keep your MouthShut (pun upended) while the gas pushes itself out. Then it became a gurgling sound and when I saw the bodybuilder who lives in my lane BURP it out one evening, it transformed into the ''Dukaaaaaaar!''.
It was just a bodily action for a long time, like hiccups or coughs or sneezes. But it gained importance as more and more carbonated black-liquid began entering my system. Now it is an entity by itself. It has eaten through my hiccups and instead of ''Ichick!'' I used to get, it became ''Ibhurkaaaaaar!'' and then ''Dukaaaaaar!''.
IT'S THE ATTACK OF THE ''DUKAAAAAAAR!''.
I tried to fight it. But it won the bottle (battle). I was disarmed. Burping.
Now I live with it.
DUKAAAAAAAR!
Ooops, excuse me.
*
The Anatomy of Dukaaar!
You have obviously begun to face a question: Why does this bloke burp so much? Is it because of a malfunctioning reflux-valve in his oesophagus? Or does his stomach have an enzymatic disorder of some sort that converts his food into gaseous products? And if you're a supporter of Mufti Mohammed Saeed with ''the healing touch'', you'll ask- is it curable?
Well the reason is simple. The reason is this: I drink too much. Now, now, dear fellow, don't raise those eyebrows of yours! I drink Coca Cola a bit too much. Actually I drink Coca Cola a hell of a lot too much!
Now why can that be, eh? That seems to bring me finally to the point of writing the proper review….
Thanda Implies Coca Cola
You have to agree completely that the taste of all Cola soft drinks in our country is the exactly the same. If I bring a glass full of the reddish-black fizzing stuff in a tray before you, you won't be able to tell me on the basis of the taste if it is Coca Cola, Pepsi or The Blunder (I mean Thunder).
So it fizzes down to one question: agreed I like the cola flavour, what's so special about the Coke?
To answer that, we must fizz down on one thing: the advertising campaign.
Yes, yes, the advertising campaign.
My obsession with Coke began when Aamir Khan took over the ad campaign pushing away Fardeen Puffy-cheeks Khan. Till then, I was not brand loyal at all. I like the guy's (Aamir's) attitude.
You observe advertisements featuring superstars- Rasna featuring Karishma and Asian Paints featuring Bacchan- you'll find that those ads lack creativity. They bank on the superstar's charisma. Aamir does not bank on it at all. Or Coke doesn't, whatever. Aamir is a superstar who also makes an ad creative. Because he's a good actor, his creativity becomes more impressive.
The second thing that appeals to me about Coke is, my fixation for the colour blue notwithstanding, the colour of it's can. For some crazy reason I like the get-up of it's cans as well. Plus I see that against the blue T-shirts and casuals I wear, a red can of coke looks pretty good. I like contrast very much. (Now you won't believe me but the shirt I'm wearing in the pic is damn blue).
(DUKAAAAAR! Excuse me)
Ice chilled coke has it's own appeal. You have cubes of ice bobbing up and down in it, CO2 bubbles popping out of it all the time, a look of a very cool-guy and a general feel-good about yourself, not courtesy AB Vajpayee.
I have a feeling that you're not finding this review very interesting: I haven't given you proper reasons for liking coke, nor have I expressed those reasons in a particularly interesting manner. That's because the real reason for my liking Coke is a story. And I have to tell you that story, because I love storytelling.
The story is this:
Once upon a time,
I was strolling by a lane by the side of a park. It was late afternoon and the lanes were in a sleepy stupor. The summer's sun was blazing hot in the sky and I was feeling increasingly stupid about being out under the sun. I was of course not alone- I had the Coke-Can with me!
After some stupid swelteringly hot minutes, I spotted someone sitting on the park bench and I recognized who she was. She was my classmate, who I had a crush on for a long time, and she didn't look like she was enjoying sitg on the park bench. So I decided I'll go and say hello, knowing I might not come back with a particularly good memory to remember.
''What's up, Tin?'' I asked. Her name is Tina and her nickname Tin.
''Eh?'' she replied in a morose tone.
''You OK?''
''No,'' she moaned making space for me to sit down. ''I've a horrible headache.''
I thrust the coke can in her hand. ''Drink it, Tin, you might have the touch of the sun.''
She literally drained the can in a hurry. She was thirsty.
''What are you doing here at this time?'' I asked.
''Erm…. Nothing, I was going home and felt giddy. So I stopped.''
''Oh,'' I said. I was really concerned. ''Tin, no offense meant, but isn't it stupid you didn’t come over to my place?''
''Yeah it is.''
I smiled at her and said- ''Come along then, you'll feel nice in the Desert Cooler.''
Now go to the comments section- Raj Lalwani will freak out on this one…
